I'm feeling the same way too, especially as things have not been going well for me recently...apart from all the deaths, now Othello's got a bloody patch on his fin, and my mustard gas boy has ripped his fin on...something.
I've decided not to replace any males that die and downsize. I'm keeping away from pet stores, 'cause I know I always end up with one when I come back!
Sometimes I think I should have just stuck with one in a nice big tank, and maybe gotten some cories with him. That way I could focus all my attention on him. I haven't bonded with my newer guys as I had with Renard or my girls.
Puck (Yellow koi HM king) / Scar (White HM) / Salt 'n Pepper (Silver HMPK) / 'That fish' (Copper butterfly HM) / No name (White DT) / No name 2 (Turquoise/white marble HM) / No name 3 (Lilac HM)
Bo Peep (Cambodian VT) / Goldilocks (Yellow VT) / Joie de Vivre (Multicolour VT) / Lil' Peep (Blue VT) / No name (Dalmatian VT) / No name 2