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post #21 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 03:18 PM
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My parents went through a terrible divorce when I was nine. There was another man in the house, my dad had a restraining order out against him, and they used to fight like cat and dog whenever we had our scheduled two week pick-up and drop-off at the Mcdonalds carpark.

Because my mum had someone else and my dad was incredibly hurt, he missed many of the really important moments for me (my grade six graduation for example). In retrospect I wish he had just toughened up and done it for me, but in the first few years of any divorce it is usually just plain ugly.

The best thing I can say, is talk to your dad. I never told my dad how I felt until years into the divorce. I have been battling anxiety and issues with depression for ages now and only just finally started getting help. I wish I had talked to someone about it sooner as when you leave it to fester it just snowballs.

Don't go to a counsellor thinking your issues aren't severe enough. God, I have a really bad phobia about talking on the phone, and I am sure there are people reading this who would laugh at that. Divorce is a massive upheaval, particularly if you are young.

However, it does usually get better with time. Time heals a lot of ugly wounds. I thought my parents would never speak civilly to each other again, but 14 years on, they are really good friends and I see my dad a couple of times a week.

All I can say is sorry that you are going through this. Often parents get so caught up in their own fights and own personal battles that they forgot about what is truly the most important thing in their lives, their children.

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post #22 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 03:21 PM
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I had a friend growing up who used drawing to cope with the loss of her mom. It was a great outlet for her.

Another great option is animals. You already have some of your own, but have you considered volunteering at a local shelter (I prefer no-kill, especially if you are dealing with depression). Many shelters have programs for those in the 13-18 age group who are interested in volunteering. I've even heard of some zoo's offering programs for 13-18 age groups to work up close with the animals.

The mom of: Too many to list now.
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post #23 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 03:57 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah, my dad missed my first cello solo. But I really can't blame him because I know he is going through the same thing this is hard for everyone who is involved, but I guess you have to just put it our of your mind, and go on with your daily life. Thats what I learned from all this and I believe that when this is all over and done, it will make me a stronger person than the one before.

I either talk to my fish when I'm mad, or I'm mad because I talk to my fish.
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post #24 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 07:26 PM
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I also want to add my support. I'm so sorry you're going through all this stuff. Talking to someone you trust, drawing and writing about your feelings definitely help. I hope you feel better soon about things. Remember that these things happen and it's not your fault. We're all here for you.
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post #25 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 09:16 PM Thread Starter
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I really appreciate all the support from everyone. It makes me feel happy to know someone cares ( or people care in this case). All the time, everyday I see people who act like life is a game, and like it's cool to lose, and like they have nothing to lose, and I always get frustrated because they never realize how important everything is, and how you have to live life, because it dosent last forever.

I either talk to my fish when I'm mad, or I'm mad because I talk to my fish.
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post #26 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 10:18 PM
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Sometimes, I sit and think about how amazing it really is that the brain and heart come together to make life. Then I think: Why am I sitting here worrying about something that scientist may never figure out? I'm wasting my life, worrying about things that I don't need to know. My short time on this Earth should not be spent thinking about that kind of stuff! I should be making the most out of it, and in my nightly prayers, I can think about how I am blessed to have all of my blessings. I thank the Lord for helping me make a difference in the lives of the 29 fish that I own. I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head and a pantry, fridge, and freezer full of food. I can go to school in the accelerated class and get an easy A. Little things that we all take for granted; if you take time thinking about those little things, not things that aren't relevant to, well, anything, then you will be happier. I got over my anxiety and insomnia by praying. If you don't believe in the Lord, then I didn't mean to offend you. The little things add up to make a BIG difference!

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post #27 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 10:28 PM
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I can empathize with your situation. When i was 8 my parents got into a big fight and everyone except for my dad and pets (except for my first betta believe it or not) moved several states away. I hardly got to talk to my dad after that. I can't talk to him at all now because he passed away of massive heart attack in fourth grade. I know how it feels to have your world turned upsidedow, but that feeling doesn't last forever and you're not alone.
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post #28 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-05-2013, 10:39 PM
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Did anyone take a picture of you at your cello recital? If so, maybe make a copy, send it to your Dad, and write a note saying that you wished he had been able to be there. This will let him know that you were thinking about him, and that you missed him. Even if you can't get a photo, maybe send him a note letting him know this. Or draw a picture of your cello for him. It may be that he's so caught up in his own feelings right now, that he hasn't stopped to think about how this is affecting you. Maybe letting him know would help *him* feel that he's not alone, too. Good luck!
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post #29 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-06-2013, 06:58 AM Thread Starter
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I think I do have a picture of me at my cello solo, and crowntaillove 3, I do believe in the Lord, and he has impacted my life is so many ways, and through him, I have impacted others greatly. And also,Chelseaz 1698, my parents divorced when I was too young to remember, but I know it impacted me afterward. And I'm sorry about your dad. Though sometimes I get mad at my dad, I know I would fall to pieces if he died. Though I know if any relative died it would b worse than the situation I am in, and I have had people tell me I'm selfish for always felling bad for my self, but sometimes, I get so caught in all the emotions crammed into my head, it just makes it worse. And now, me and my family are constantly fighting, because I can't do anything, and when I tell them about how how hard this is on me, they never listen.and I can't get them to understand how difficult this for me, and how not a day goes by when I don't think about him. But since everyone is always so caught up In work, they always tell me to get over it, or its not that bad, but to me it is.

I either talk to my fish when I'm mad, or I'm mad because I talk to my fish.
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post #30 of 47 (permalink) Old 06-06-2013, 07:09 AM
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Definitely let your dad know you miss him :) I'm sure he would be really happy to hear from you and probably misses you just as much as you miss him but maybe doesn't know how to say it. It soooo important to keep in touch and let him know how you are and what's new in your life and all that.

Don't let anyone tell you to just get over it! :)
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