Rant thread - Page 1066 - Betta Fish and Betta Fish Care
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post #10651 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-22-2011, 09:45 PM
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*sigh* I have an audition tomorrow. Actually, it's a re-audition. They had the first round of auditions about a month ago and are having "re-auditions", probably because they just realized that they didn't take enough people to put on a decent show. First off, they said "no" to me the first time around, so I'm already ridiculously stressed and nervous. I'm better prepared this time around and I've picked a different song, so logically I know it'll be a completely different situation, but I'm still just stressed.

I'm also really afraid of my parents finding out about it. Because I know if they find out I'm auditioning they're going to make some stupid comment and make things worse. But, I have to find some way to explain the fact that I plan to go back to school tomorrow afternoon instead of Monday morning, which is what I usually do. But I just don't want to tell them about it! Because if nothing else, I'll get the, "Alright, but don't go getting all upset if you don't get in!" lecture. And that lecture makes me really angry.

I'll get as upset as I like if I don't get in, thank you very much! They wouldn't know, because they've never been involved in much music, but unsuccessful auditions hurt! So if it doesn't go well, YES I'm going to cry about it! And I don't want any lectures about how I should or should not feel about it.

And SO MUCH drama came after the first time they said "no". I got really upset, so I called home crying looking for support. In that moment, my parents were fine and told me it was okay. The rest of the week was pretty bad, too, so that weekend I went home feeling kind of down. What do I go home to? My parents force me into a "discussion" in which they lecture me about how I'm clearly just not good enough to succeed as a music major and why I'll never be able to become good enough no matter how hard I work. Long story short, it ended in a big fight, I didn't speak to them for several days and I felt a little sick to my stomach at the thought of going home for the next weekend.

So now I know that if something goes wrong I can't talk to them about it, and if they find out I'm auditioning again they'll pester me about how it went, with the intention of using any sign of distress against me in future attempts to make me change my major.

Also, frankly, my self-esteem isn't so great. I haven't gotten anything from an audition in a while and with me rejection is always an absolutely crushing disappointment. I've been having increasingly more trouble picking myself up and moving on after unsuccessful auditions, and without having anyone I can go to for support after this one, if it doesn't go well I don't know how well I'll be able to recover. Logically, I know it's an audition for a club's show, and this club is NOTORIOUS for letting people in based on who's the most friendly with the executive board. But somehow that doesn't make rejection any easier...

So, I'm just really stressed and nervous. I KNOW I can perform this song well because it's a piece that really speaks to me and that I find meaningful, but it's not making the nerves go away...

And this shouldn't even be an issue, but I'm also worried about what to do with my parents if I get in. I really don't know if I want them to come see me perform. But if I don't tell them about it and they find out about it, I'll be in HUGE trouble. It shouldn't be an issue, because it's my life, but with them it'll turn into this ridiculous drama. But I don't trust them to not eventually make me feel awful about the performance, even if I end up being happy with it. And the song I'm hoping I'll be able to perform isn't one I'm sure I'm comfortable sharing with them. The reason I love the song so much is because the first two pages is basically a description of the way my family generally makes me feel, but whenever I try to let my parents know that I feel that way they brush it off and tell me that it's not valid.

So, I really want to do this, but the auditions just one big mess! It's stressing me out because I'm nervous. It's also stressing me out because I REALLY don't want my parents to find out about it. I'm stressed because I don't know how well I'll be able to handle the results if it goes badly. And I'm also stressed because if I manage to get in I just don't know if I'm comfortable sharing this performance with my family.

But I just want to be able to perform this piece so badly, because I just love it so much! And if I do get in, all the stress will be COMPLETELY worth it!

I'm just massively frustrated now... Especially because so much of the stress is coming from trying to figure out what to do about my parents... Auditions are difficult enough without all of the family drama piled on top of them.
/end really long rant

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post #10652 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-22-2011, 10:07 PM
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Sakura-have you been to NYC before? Soo fun! :) You should definitely do this, an awesome opportunity :) Plus, since I love NYC I need more pics of it!

rant- i got nothing accomplished today..

~TPF

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post #10653 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-22-2011, 11:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AngesRadieux View Post
*sigh* I have an audition tomorrow. Actually, it's a re-audition. They had the first round of auditions about a month ago and are having "re-auditions", probably because they just realized that they didn't take enough people to put on a decent show. First off, they said "no" to me the first time around, so I'm already ridiculously stressed and nervous. I'm better prepared this time around and I've picked a different song, so logically I know it'll be a completely different situation, but I'm still just stressed.

I'm also really afraid of my parents finding out about it. Because I know if they find out I'm auditioning they're going to make some stupid comment and make things worse. But, I have to find some way to explain the fact that I plan to go back to school tomorrow afternoon instead of Monday morning, which is what I usually do. But I just don't want to tell them about it! Because if nothing else, I'll get the, "Alright, but don't go getting all upset if you don't get in!" lecture. And that lecture makes me really angry.

I'll get as upset as I like if I don't get in, thank you very much! They wouldn't know, because they've never been involved in much music, but unsuccessful auditions hurt! So if it doesn't go well, YES I'm going to cry about it! And I don't want any lectures about how I should or should not feel about it.

And SO MUCH drama came after the first time they said "no". I got really upset, so I called home crying looking for support. In that moment, my parents were fine and told me it was okay. The rest of the week was pretty bad, too, so that weekend I went home feeling kind of down. What do I go home to? My parents force me into a "discussion" in which they lecture me about how I'm clearly just not good enough to succeed as a music major and why I'll never be able to become good enough no matter how hard I work. Long story short, it ended in a big fight, I didn't speak to them for several days and I felt a little sick to my stomach at the thought of going home for the next weekend.

So now I know that if something goes wrong I can't talk to them about it, and if they find out I'm auditioning again they'll pester me about how it went, with the intention of using any sign of distress against me in future attempts to make me change my major.

Also, frankly, my self-esteem isn't so great. I haven't gotten anything from an audition in a while and with me rejection is always an absolutely crushing disappointment. I've been having increasingly more trouble picking myself up and moving on after unsuccessful auditions, and without having anyone I can go to for support after this one, if it doesn't go well I don't know how well I'll be able to recover. Logically, I know it's an audition for a club's show, and this club is NOTORIOUS for letting people in based on who's the most friendly with the executive board. But somehow that doesn't make rejection any easier...

So, I'm just really stressed and nervous. I KNOW I can perform this song well because it's a piece that really speaks to me and that I find meaningful, but it's not making the nerves go away...

And this shouldn't even be an issue, but I'm also worried about what to do with my parents if I get in. I really don't know if I want them to come see me perform. But if I don't tell them about it and they find out about it, I'll be in HUGE trouble. It shouldn't be an issue, because it's my life, but with them it'll turn into this ridiculous drama. But I don't trust them to not eventually make me feel awful about the performance, even if I end up being happy with it. And the song I'm hoping I'll be able to perform isn't one I'm sure I'm comfortable sharing with them. The reason I love the song so much is because the first two pages is basically a description of the way my family generally makes me feel, but whenever I try to let my parents know that I feel that way they brush it off and tell me that it's not valid.

So, I really want to do this, but the auditions just one big mess! It's stressing me out because I'm nervous. It's also stressing me out because I REALLY don't want my parents to find out about it. I'm stressed because I don't know how well I'll be able to handle the results if it goes badly. And I'm also stressed because if I manage to get in I just don't know if I'm comfortable sharing this performance with my family.

But I just want to be able to perform this piece so badly, because I just love it so much! And if I do get in, all the stress will be COMPLETELY worth it!

I'm just massively frustrated now... Especially because so much of the stress is coming from trying to figure out what to do about my parents... Auditions are difficult enough without all of the family drama piled on top of them.
/end really long rant
Just tell your parents that you're going back early to get some studying and other things done. Is there anyone at school like a teacher or counselor or someone you can talk to? When I was in college I went to see one of our psychology graduate students for some counselling. It helped me and it helped them to learn to become good counselors. Good luck with your audition. It sounds like you picked a good song since it is meaningful to you. I bet you'll do a fantastic job!! I'm rooting for you. Go get em, you'll do great!!
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post #10654 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-22-2011, 11:49 PM
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Anges, you should post a video of you singing a song you love on here. :) You have all our support.

Life.
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post #10655 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 09:35 AM
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I talk to me teachers about it. A few weeks ago, I went into my voice lesson so angry that I spent an entire half of the lesson ranting and venting to my teacher. But, some good did come out of it. She told me that she liked me more after seeing how I get when I'm extremely angry. And she generally tells me to just not listen to my parents, because they just don't understand how things work in my major. My choir director also took the time to talk to me about all of this when I sent him an e-mail because I was really upset over it. But I can't always talk to them because they have a lot of other students to worry about it. It's really nice of them to take any time at all to talk to me about my family drama.

Thanks. I hope I do well. I know that these people are notorious for picking their friends over the better performers, but I'm still really hoping I don't get another rejection. If I had a video camera, I'd post some of it, but sadly I just have my phone, which very well may take videos, but I have no idea how to do it. I'll probably just tell my parents that the altos in women's ensemble are having a sectional today and I have to go...

I do wish that I could talk to them about school a bit more, though. But they think music is just all having fun and playing around, so they get really unpleasant to be around if they get any hint that I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Because apparently you can't be a music major if you don't absolutely love every single aspect of the major one hundred percent of the time. -.-

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post #10656 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 01:06 PM
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Good luck Anges!

-Neil
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post #10657 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 03:31 PM
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Tomorow i have to check in a guy who is with a company that has a rate with my hotel. Any way the guy is a total jerk. Last time he was here he would not stop yelling at me because i could not remember his name! The guy is here maybe twice a year if anything and expects me to know him as if he is my neighbor. He told me I suck at my job and I give poor customer service. I know to not let him bother me but to be told I suck at my job is a bit much. I just hope when he comes in my manager will still be here so if he goes off on me my manager can talk him down.
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post #10658 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 05:16 PM
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Looks like we aren't having a study week at all this semester. We have the end of uni, then straight into exams, and law students have their exams first. It's great that we finish so early, but I'm behind enough on my reading that I would happily trade a week or two of holidays for some extra study time.

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post #10659 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 05:49 PM
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I guess it's about that time of year when midterms/finals are coming up. Good luck to all of you who are taking exams right now.
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post #10660 of 23881 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 07:31 PM
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This thread certainly has slowed down.

RIP Russell
RIP Quicksilver
RIP Dominic

RIP 4 cories, 23 Ghost Shrimp, and a snail
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