I just don't see the justification of sacrificing my health just so my mood is more calm and stable. I mean, heavy set people, like myself, are prone to high blood pressure, hypertension, diabetes (which runs in my family so I'm at an increased risk of getting it btw), joint problems/pain (which will lead to severe arthritis, heart attacks, breathlessness, sleep apnea, insomnia, low self esteem, eventual loss of mobility, and high cholesterol.
I can't see any justification in increasing the chance that I'll have all of these things, just to calm me down a little. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have these medications at all. I want to be at a healthy weight again. And its not just that. I want to be able to shop in a normal store, and buy cute things off of the rack and be able to actually fit in them like a healthy sized person would. I don't want to have to hide my flabby belly behind pleats and folds and ruffles. I am 28 years old, and I don't want to dress like a schoolmarm anymore.
Don't get me wrong. I don't get fashion these days, but I do want to be able to wear some things I think are cute, but I can never pull off because of how heavy I am. I want to wear a bikini again, with the midriff exposed. Not some itty bitty string bikini, but maybe something in between what I currently wear and what the other girls my age wear at the beach. I am tired of having to hide behind cloth because my body is too flabby and lumpy.
I just don't feel pretty. Every girl deserves the right to feel pretty, right? Well, I don't. I just feel gross and ugly and old.
“The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.”
― Mahatma Gandhi