Perhaps, it been your own writings you dont see what someone else might and you discredit it. Give it to someone to have a look before you delete it. I had the bug bitten on me once, nothing worth printing though, just short stories influenced by my life and i though they were a piece of crap. But a friend insisted that they were good when he read it.
I couldn't completely scrap it. *sigh* It's for a class and I just don't have the motivation to write something completely new. So I printed out what I had and just tried revising. I think there's just as much, if not more, pen on the pages as there is ink from the printer. I just don't have any desire to write. Even when I was editing, I would periodically look at it in absolute disgust and think "Why am I not done yet?" Right now, I need to get my revision typed up so I can give it another run-through--There's too much pen on my current copy for me to make any more marks without getting too confused--and I don't even want to do that.
I blame my sister. She just makes me so angry
, and then I'm upset and angry and I just don't want to do anything
anymore. Every time I open my mouth, she has something to say! She's so self-righteous about everything and it makes me crazy! She needs to learn the phrases "I wasn't talking to you", "mind your own business", and "no one cares".
Today a family friend was over and asked me about school. I told her I wanted to knock myself unconscious in class because I'm so bored. My sister immediately lectures me about why I ought to be grateful all my classes are easy, because I can focus on applying to other schools. But I CAN'T because for other schools you need RECOMMENDATIONS! This is the end of the first month of my first semester. I don't have any teachers who know me well enough to write good recommendations yet! But she just kept yammering ON AND ON about why I should be grateful instead of unhappy.
And then I started talking about my creative writing class. I'm TERRIBLY frustrated because I revise my assignments obsessively. They must go through at least 6-8 drafts before I'm willing to submit them. But for this last assignment the other people in my class handed in these pieces that were FILLED with typos, incorrect uses of words, poor grammar, etc. Like they hadn't even proofread them ONCE! And them my sister cuts in, "Well maybe they had homework for other classes!" And she just rolls her eyes at me when I point out they had a WHOLE WEEK to produce two pages, double spaced, of writing. There's no excuse for not even giving it one good edit! But she feels the need to tell me why I shouldn't think THAT, either.
And finally, I was talking about how a professor called another student out on not writing his own paper. We have to read our work aloud in class and he couldn't read his! He was pausing for like 30 seconds between lines, constantly losing his place, tripping over words, etc. Now, there's NO WAY a writer can be THAT unfamiliar with their work. I can understand occasionally stumbling because it's nerve-wracking, but not being able to read it AT ALL? No. But my sister snaps at me and insists he must have just been nervous. Mind, she wasn't THERE for any of this! And he couldn't even give a good answer when the professor asked where the inspiration for his paper came from! All he could come up with was "I just imagined it"! But noooo! I'm just being judgmental and even though she WASN'T THERE and has NO IDEA what actually happened, she can assess the situation better than I!
But, mind, when I start sniping at her for complaining so much, I'm just a terrible person and I don't understand! And she's sooooo super stressed! And she's been keeping me in this perpetual state of anger and frustration and I have no motivation to do ANYTHING anymore. I wasn't even TALKING to her! And she did the same thing last night right before I started trying to write. I was talking to my dad about a pet peeve of mine and before I even finish a sentence she snapped at me to shut up about it! And I was just too ****** off for the rest of the night to do anything useful.
And now I'm reading over my revisions trying to make myself type them, and I'm just thinking "God! Even my revisions are crap!"