I'm sorry to change the subject, but I really have to rant about this to someone.
I'm sorry that this happens to you. :( You're welcome to PM if you want to vent heavily at any point, and just want someone to listen who knows that feeling. *hugs*
My rant for the day is similar, though definitely
not as extreme by any means.
I hate how my grandmother thinks that because I was born female, my rightful place is cooking, cleaning and looking pretty. My focus is most often on my fish, or creating things, and now on getting fit. It's not on making the bed perfectly, it's not on pleasing my man -- we tend to please each other because we're in a relationship, and that's what we do, not because it's my job as the owner of this particular kind of private parts.
She so often goes on and on about how I should wear makeup more often, how I should grow my hair out, how I should wear more feminine clothing. All while my partner is saying how much he loves it when I look tough, how his favourite look of mine is bald, in combat pants and boots. I went through a stage of forced hyper-femininity, though it was still alternative. My goth days are over. My Victorian-era skirts are hung up, probably for good. I discovered these things called comfort and utility, and I really like them. One day I took my makeup off and discovered that there was nothing wrong with what was underneath the foundation and mascara.
So I've settled into this routine of doing things
, looking bland perhaps unless I'm doing something special, when I'll actually break out my giant makeup collection and perhaps even a pretty dress, but for the most part I'm doing things I consider more important than a perfectly made bed, or a spotless bedroom. I don't cook for my partner. We tend to cook together. My grandmother thinks this is wrong, and has suggested that I'd rather be a man than a woman. Well yes, thank you for noticing, sometimes that is true, but I'm not exactly about to reveal my gender identity to a homophobic, sexist traditionalist. Imagine the horror if I were trans instead of gender-fluid! She'd have a gay grandchild as well as a trans one!
She thinks everything about me is a direct affront to her sensibilities, and that I have modeled my life on everything she hates. No. I simply turned out to be alternative, to feel more comfortable in my own skin with ink on it, with no hair and with metal in various parts of me. I'm still the same person, I just look different to what she envisioned a "good" granddaughter to be -- the vision of femininity.
I happen to have a passion for body modification, and my mission in what I want in a career is to educate people on safe body mod procedures, to perform clean, safe piercings in the correct environment, and hopefully to contribute to eradicating unsafe and dodgy practices, and join the push for legislation and proper regulation of the body modification industry in this country. Not exactly the picture of a perfect housewife like she wants me to be, but I'd like to think enabling self-expression for others in a safe and clean environment is a fair goal.
She does not. She sees me as disgusting, as something to be ashamed of. I can't think of anything more shameful than not thinking for myself, not having any goals or aspirations. I've been down that road. I spent two and a half years downtrodden in a terribly abusive relationship, moulded to another person's idea of what they wanted, then beaten down and cast aside. I've since developed a spine and a sense of identity and I won't have it taken away from me now after all the work it's taken me to rip myself out of that mentality. Apparently that's a bad thing...