How do you even cope with this!?
I wanted 2 children my whole life, decided on 2 with my husband (he claimed he wanted 2) long before we got married. We've been married for 8 years, and we have a 3 year old girl. We'd talked about having 2 for the first few years, and then decided it was time to have our first just when we got a sudden surprise and got her a year early. Then he talked about having a 2nd right after she was born. You know, all at once, get the diaper stage over?
Then he said we better wait, and he kept doing this to me for years. Saying he thought maybe we'd have one and then saying better wait. His main excuse was our economical situation. Well, now he has a good job, but it's not good enough, now it's "what if I suddenly lose the job?" he's waiting for the "right moment" with every excuse in hand, and the right moment will never come because his excuses aren't things that will change. They're "what ifs" Then sometimes he says he's not sure if he wants a 2nd and he's happy with just 1. And then he tries to turn it on me and make me feel like I'm unappreciative of our daughter.
Yesterday we talked about it and I told him why I thought it would be a good time now, and we had a nice calm discussion. He said he'd need to think about it. I told him fine, take months if you want. No, he comes to me an hour or so ago to tell me I thought about it... and... no. I don't want one right now. How can you do that to someone!!!!!! How can you lead a woman on for years about another child? Then how can you make up your mind in only a few hours
worse yet, he said he's still not sure. Then why tell me no!? Why bring up my hope and then crush it, again and again and again! I feel like he broke my heart. I told him I don't want to talk about it until he actually makes a decision because I'm tired of the up and down mind changing. It's not fair.
Yeah, and I walked off without talking more to him because I didn't want him to see me cry, as he'd say I'm trying to make him feel bad for me. So I got in the car and left and just pulled over and cried by myself on the side of a desolate road. So I don't say anything to him because its not worth fighting over, and fighting won't help it anyway. Then he gets annoyed at me for not talking.
It just hurts
a lot. And it's really just not fair, because we had discussed this extensively for years.
Worse yet, I can't even talk to the one person I normally would, my best friend. She is married but doesn't have kids or want them. She'd just side with him "why have a 2nd kid? they just get in the way! I don't even want ANY" so I feel alone on top of it. I'm so angry, and so sad at the same time. I just can't stop crying and I don't even have someone to talk to it about