Sigh. My mum is on my back again because she doesn't think I'm working hard enough. She just doesn't get that everybody is different! Yes, I do have more than 7000 words due next week, but no, it's not because I haven't been trying. It's been one of those unfortunate semesters where my assessment has not been all spread out, but all bunched up over a few weeks. I didn't start the essays before now because I was trying to work on the three presentations and two take-home exams that I had. And no, I couldn't have started on those earlier, because we hadn't covered the relevant material, and I was trying to keep up with my weekly reading. On top of that, I have Ross River Virus, which means that I am barely awake and that my joints ache from typing.
She told me that I should just keep going until everything is finished. That's pointless - after about 2pm, my brain slows down significantly, and by 4pm, anything I write is almost guaranteed to be garbage, which I would then have to rewrite the next day, meaning that whatever I did was not only worthless, but creating more work. I'm very pleased that she is capable of working til all hours of the night, but I am not.
It doesn't help that my sister is a supergenius who is capable of working from 6 am til 10pm without her brain frying. My mum says she isn't comparing, but she clearly thinks my sister is representative of what I should be doing.
She's like this about my memory. I've inherited my dad's memory, which is to say, an awful one. I can remember random quotes from a movie I watched ten years ago and tell her all about hive behaviour in bees or why the Saucony Xodus is a better shoe that the Adidas Boost, but no, I probably won't remember that I left the dough-rolling mat in the laundry or that I put my stripy socks in the wash. You can't just *make* yourself remember stuff like that!
I can understand that she is frustrated with me, but why can she not accept that we are totally different people who do not function the same way? Why is it ok for her to make me feel stupid for having a bad memory, but I'm not allowed to mention that she dropped out of school at 16? I've always accepted that that's how her brain worked, that she doesn't get physics or literary analysis, but she can't accept that I don't remember basic domestic things when she can.
I have the same problem with working non-stop. I can't drink caffinee because it triggers my migranes and after about 12 hours or so controlling my ADHD symptoms becomes impossible. Luckily, I didn't have anyone telling me I need to do more than I was already doing, but I can relate to not having enough time to complete every assignment. It's not possible to do more work than your body can physically or mentally handle even if everyone around you can handle the workload.
It really does bug me when I have to remind people that I'm "lagging behind" when said people are on cup of coffee number 5. I can't even have caffinated soda, but I need to keep up with the "driven" person chugging red bull? Ban caffinee in the US and I'll suddenly look a lot more productive.
I don't know if you want advice, but 1 trick I picked up was changing the way I wrote through out the day. Like, 10AM-4PM -ish is my best time to be active, so I would write in the proper format, with complete paragrapghs, and doing every footnote as I went. By 8PM my brain would be shot so I switched from writting to jotting. I would just put ideas on paper as bullet points and add bullet points under the bullet points to jot down ideas on paper to get a rough sketch of a paper.
For example, this is what the first paragraph would look like jotted instead of written:
- Can't non-stop work
- caffinee bad
-physically can't do more
- no family complaints
I have no idea if that would works for anyone else. Especially since I can't explain how my mind turns a collection of words into full paragraphs after 5-6 hours of sleep. But I figured I would toss it out into the internet since it got me through final papers while I was in college.