Poem too depressing? - Betta Fish and Betta Fish Care
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 03:55 AM Thread Starter
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Poem too depressing?

Today I wrote this poem. After I finished I felt really bad. Do you guys think that its do depressing and dark? I usually don't write poems like this, but for some reason today I felt like writing something depressing. Tell me what you think. Here it is:

Babysitter

I hope mom regrets,
getting that sitter.
After all those threats,
he was a death transmitter.

It happened that night,
when mom left, he was nice.
But when it wasn't light,
he locked me up with the mice.

He yelled with a knife,
pushed me into the room.
Then he took my life,
and he sent me to my doom.

The house was quiet,
when mom got back home.
No sign of a riot,
no more did my killer roam.

She gasped when she saw-
my corpse, I was dead.
My neck was scraped raw,
and my own will she had read.

Tears formed in her eyes,
life wasn't worth living.
She said her goodbyes,
she was full of misgiving.

Then down she jumped,
to join me, her son.
Until ground, she bumped,
She knew her life would be done.

Now this you should know,
ex- dad was the one.
His hate would soon grow,
when divorced, he killed his son.

Last edited by dramaqueen; 12-22-2010 at 09:02 AM.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 03:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Duncan13 View Post
Today I wrote this poem. After I finished I felt really bad. Do you guys think that its do depressing and dark? I usually don't write poems like this, but for some reason today I felt like writing something depressing. Tell me what you think. Here it is:

Babysitter

I hope mom regrets,
getting that sitter.
After all those threats,
he was a death transmitter.

It happened that night,
when mom left, he was nice.
But when it wasn't light,
he locked me up with the mice.

He yelled with a knife,
pushed me into the room.
Then he took my life,
and he sent me to my doom.

The house was quiet,
when mom got back home.
No sign of a riot,
no more did my killer roam.

She gasped when she saw-
my corpse, I was dead.
My neck was scraped raw,
and my own will she had read.

Tears formed in her eyes,
life wasn't worth living.
She said her goodbyes,
she was full of misgiving.

Then down she jumped,
to join me, her son.
Until ground, she bumped,
She knew her life would be done.

Now this you should know,
ex- dad was the one.
His hate would soon grow,
when divorced, he killed his son.
That was not what I expected lol
I like it. :) It's not too depressing at all, but it reads an awful lot morenlike a thriller than a tragedy. Very well done.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 05:06 AM Thread Starter
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Haha, Thank you! And I just noticed that I spelled depressing wrong on the title and I have no idea how to edit it :P
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 09:03 AM
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The title is fixed. :) I like your poem.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 02:17 PM
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Morbid! Hahaha! Like it. :p

"Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, you should never wish to do less."
~Robert E. Lee
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 02:25 PM
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I like it a lot. Kinda makes me happy I can't ever have a step-dad. n.n ahaha

Mogar and Monty
SIP: Jazz Sunny Friday
Brynjolf Cicero Vilkas
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 02:28 PM
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Very well written. I agree it's like a little poetic mini-novel.

Nice job.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-22-2010, 06:11 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks everyonee!
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