gotta do something - Betta Fish and Betta Fish Care
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-19-2011, 08:58 AM Thread Starter
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gotta do something

So about a week ago my boyfriend of 4 years and I broke up. Of course I'm devestated, my world has been turned upside down. I deleted my facebook and have shut myself off from the world since then. I had origionally planned to get a tattoo in his honor because I truly believe in my heart that he's the one for me. It was going to be "let me stand by you, the honor is mine". Its from one of my favorite songs by A Fine Frenzy. After much thought I've settled on what I am going to get. Its the last stanza of the Robert Frost poem, reluctance. "Ah, when to the heart of man was it ever less than a treason, to go with the drift of things, to yield with a grace to reason, and bow and accept the end of a love or a season?".

Although I don't know anyone here I'd really like to hear words of encouragement from others who have been through the same thing. I've lost my best friend and honestly I just feel lost. I truly believed he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I haven't lost hope that he still is.

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-19-2011, 10:33 AM
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Im 10, but, we are here for you, and we greet you with open arms, we will support you. :)

Got my boy Ceviche<3
and a plant named Frank
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-19-2011, 11:00 AM
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I can't say that I know how you feel because I've never been there but I just want to say that I'm sorry about what happened. Maybe the two of you just need some time away from each other to think about things. I hope everything works out for you.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-19-2011, 11:35 AM
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I do hope that things work out for the best, whatever that may mean...

No matter what happens, trust that the best will happen. If you are meant to be together, you will be. If you are meant to be with someone else, you will be.

It could be like my cousin. He dated a girl in highschool for years. They broke up. He was heartbroken but he moved on after a while. He had to trust in the future, whether it meant he'd be with her or not. He met another girl, they were even engaged after a while. He loved her for sure too. But then it also fell apart. During that time of trouble he met that old highschool girlfriend again. They picked up their friendship right where it left off. They were friends for a reason after all, they had everything in common. Soon they got together again. There were some rough patches along the way(the ex fiance came back and demanded him choose between them), but now they are married and trying to have a baby! :)

Or it could be like my relationship. I had met the man I was sure I would marry, we had even been talking about buying our first apartment together and all the stuff that comes with marriage. We had been best friends for seven years even prior to the long relationship. But one day, it was over. My whole world seemed crushed. But I had to trust that the best would happen. At the time I thought that the best meant I'd get back with him like my cousin did with his girl, but I had decided to just let it happen and go through my life. Focus on my art, my friends, the things that were important to me that I could move forward with. A few years go by, and at this point I don't even care about having a boyfriend. I just was happy to live and love life and get ready for college. And of course that's exactly when I met Nathan. And unbelievably.. The moment we met, I felt those butterflies start to flutter and I found I felt more excited to see him than I ever did with my ex. He was so kind, he treated me like an angel, and truly had my best interests in mind. We became best friends within a week, staying up til 5 am on school nights just getting to know each other, because we could just never have enough time together. We're still like that, thank god our phone calls are free since we are on the same service. And the years we've been together have really only gotten better and better. If Ben hadn't discovered he was gay and broken up with me..I never would have met Nathan, and the happiest moments of my life would have never happened! Even though I thought it was the end of the world, it led me on to the future where I was happier than I had ever been.

The point is, don't get worked up too much about whether or not it works out..Because you will find that happiness. It feels like you're lost, but trust me..Just focus on the moment and have fun again. Go out with your friends, take care of your pets, do the things you want to do. The path you're on will lead you somewhere! And if you do what makes you happy and what you know will help in the future, you'll be going the right way and you can make the most of it. Trust me! I traveled that lost path for a long time. And I figured out, even though now I am in an amazing relationship again, that wasn't what it was all about, and I was able to find new friends and hobbies I wouldn't have found if I was only focused on boys and choosing the right one/winning the ex back. I tried..and I was the most unhappy then! When I started living for me and doing what I wanted to do and what I felt was right, that's when things started to look up. Same goes for my cousin. When he stopped worrying about his ex was when they were able to get close again.

You have a lot of people here to talk to :) Don't be afraid to pm anyone if you need to talk!

Last edited by purplemuffin; 10-19-2011 at 11:49 AM.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-19-2011, 11:47 AM
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I understand how you feel. I too lost the man I thought I was going to marry. We weren't together nearly as long as you and your ex were. But it still hurt tremendously. He left me and immediately got with his current- they were engaged not long ago and that hurt a lot too.
One of my best friends lost her BF in January of this year - they were together for 6 years. She is still hurting so much. He was her world for so long. We have been helping each other deal since we met in April. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here - just send me a PM. (((HUGS)))

My bettas: 6 boys and 8 sorority girls
Making it my mission to have all natural planted tanks!
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-19-2011, 06:08 PM
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Been there, have the T-Shirt. Time heals. Easier to hear that than it is to live through it but trust me...I speak from experience and I'm the kinda guy that wears his heart on his sleeve so I'm not just some tough guy with no emotions. I was with a girl nearly 7 years before I found out she was cheating...who knows for how long. Took some time but I got over it. You will too.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-20-2011, 07:20 PM
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I'm sorry to hear IamBonner.

I haven't been in a relationship that long before, but I have always wanted to be with someone I care greatly about. But she has never wanted to be with me. She gets into drugs and the bad boys, and I only want to come in and save the day for her. Show her what a real nice guy is like! Alas it is not to be. I have ignored a relationship that I realised could have been a lasting one for such a long time. Alas, can’t go back in time an redo things.

Some if not all things in life are completely out of our control, and although it seems like the end of the world at that point in time, and that life is hopeless without that person, it isn't.

Life as a whole is such a long topsy turvey series of events. Some people believe in love at first sight, falling in love, fate, the one, karma, spirits and so on. This helps everyone in a way progress through the bad parts of life to find the good parts.

What you need to realise very much so right now, is that people do care about you greatly for who you are and what you are capable of. Your family, your friends here and of course your little betta buddies! This of course seems trivial when you want someone to complete the missing part of yourself who you can share life with, but it is true, and you must cement yourself in a stable moment before being able to share yourself completely with someone else.

Take this time now to find out who you are, what you enjoy from life for yourself. Bettas are a great and rewarding hobby, but perhaps find additional hobbies if you can? A sport that you enjoy to play, perhaps you will make new friends! Learn to sing or play a musical instrument. Go on walks in the bush trails or visit new places, Earth is a wonderous place that has many hidden beauties! Perhaps volunteer at a local pet adoption place, homeless shelter or charity store? Fill your life with things that are worthwhile and rewarding.

I believe that you can never forget ones you have loved or lost, they become a part of you. What you need to do is take on that as part of yourself, endeavour to improve and continue to be who you are and ultimately what you want to be and do in life. One day in the future you will meet someone who shares with you the same feelings and endeavours, but not yet. Now is for you.

If things get too dark, you can always talk to us here. It’s important to talk to close friends and family if you are able to. If things get very dark and hard for you, it’s is always best to speak with a professional. In a clinch, you can always speak to your countries depression/suicide hotlines for your country.

I sincerely hope things become much brighter for you soon :)
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-20-2011, 09:26 PM
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I'm so sorry, that must hurt so much. :( Although I don't know how you feel from experiencing it myself, I do kind of understand. I was with my last bf for nearly two years and I know that had we still been together this year, he would have proposed. He thought I was the one and it just broke my heart to tell him I wasn't. I tried not to hurt him, but in doing something like that I just don't think it's possible. My point is, I saw how much he suffered and I'm so sorry you have to go through the same thing. :( *hugs and muffins*

Life.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-21-2011, 11:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Banicks View Post
I'm sorry to hear IamBonner.

I haven't been in a relationship that long before, but I have always wanted to be with someone I care greatly about. But she has never wanted to be with me. She gets into drugs and the bad boys, and I only want to come in and save the day for her. Show her what a real nice guy is like! Alas it is not to be. I have ignored a relationship that I realised could have been a lasting one for such a long time. Alas, canít go back in time an redo things.

Some if not all things in life are completely out of our control, and although it seems like the end of the world at that point in time, and that life is hopeless without that person, it isn't.

Life as a whole is such a long topsy turvey series of events. Some people believe in love at first sight, falling in love, fate, the one, karma, spirits and so on. This helps everyone in a way progress through the bad parts of life to find the good parts.

What you need to realise very much so right now, is that people do care about you greatly for who you are and what you are capable of. Your family, your friends here and of course your little betta buddies! This of course seems trivial when you want someone to complete the missing part of yourself who you can share life with, but it is true, and you must cement yourself in a stable moment before being able to share yourself completely with someone else.

Take this time now to find out who you are, what you enjoy from life for yourself. Bettas are a great and rewarding hobby, but perhaps find additional hobbies if you can? A sport that you enjoy to play, perhaps you will make new friends! Learn to sing or play a musical instrument. Go on walks in the bush trails or visit new places, Earth is a wonderous place that has many hidden beauties! Perhaps volunteer at a local pet adoption place, homeless shelter or charity store? Fill your life with things that are worthwhile and rewarding.

I believe that you can never forget ones you have loved or lost, they become a part of you. What you need to do is take on that as part of yourself, endeavour to improve and continue to be who you are and ultimately what you want to be and do in life. One day in the future you will meet someone who shares with you the same feelings and endeavours, but not yet. Now is for you.

If things get too dark, you can always talk to us here. Itís important to talk to close friends and family if you are able to. If things get very dark and hard for you, itís is always best to speak with a professional. In a clinch, you can always speak to your countries depression/suicide hotlines for your country.

I sincerely hope things become much brighter for you soon :)
Good advice.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-23-2011, 04:58 PM
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I understand the "loss of a best friend"... My current boyfriend (and the man I'm planning to marry) is my best friend. I am with him every second, and we're like two high school girls that have been "BFFs" since the 3rd grade. If I ever lost him, I would feel like I was "starting over".

My suggestion? Face the pain head on. I know so many people in your situation (it happens quite a lot, unfortunately) and they try and hide the pain / pretend they're not in pain / deny it / say "it's not real" / etc. You're broken up, and I think you need to face that and come to terms. Sure, you can definitely get back together in the future when the time is right. But for right now, you need to come to peace with that. So many of my friends have turned to alcohol, drugs, other bad activities, or keep it all bottled up until they're literally sick or just cry every time they're by themselves. The last option often leads to suicide... Don't let that be you. Don't be afraid of your emotions or the pain... You'll be surprised how many people will be there for you when you're open about yourself. Just don't plaster it to the public eye, ya know? (I.e., if you re-opened your Facebook, you don't need to make a dozen posts about your pain..)

Don't be scared to ask for help. 4 years is a LONG time. We're creatures of habit... It's hard to come to terms about waking up the next day and not having the same person there that has been there for that long. You feel like your life has fallen apart? It has, well, at least in one large aspect.

The bright side? This is time to look at yourself and focus on YOU. You'll be surprised at the new hobbies you'll find, the new people you meet, and what a different life you'll lead. And who knows, maybe somewhere down the road you'll reconnect with your now ex? You have to let life happen and trust you'll find happiness with it.

I really hope you're alright, and I suggest the tissues with comfort/lotion/multiple ply (plies?)! Wouldn't want your nose to get super chaffed and red. Oh... and some yummy foods, a good movie, and some close friends never hurt, either. Or perhaps a chance to get away from the world? (Camping?) You'll find your peace!

And yes, we're all here for you...!!!

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