Hey! ^^ It's nice to know that there are some other fellow writers on the forum.
So far your first two paragraphs are pretty well done; few grammatical errors and well-structured sentences. In a few places you need to watch out for how you place punctuation marks.
"It's also a fact that some times those bad things end other innocent lives."
"Each in their own cruel way."
Notice how I deleted the commas. They aren't needed in the places you put them. Commas are used to make sentences easier to understand, yes? In this case, your commas are making your sentences a bit choppy. :3 I won't bug you about your sentence fragments, like "all of them" and "but it doesn't", because I use these sometimes, too. XD It doesn't really hinder most people.
And then the last sentence confused me- I had to read it over once more to get the jist. So the criminals will tell you what happened, too? Instead of using "and" try "as well". It will make that sentence easier to understand.
Other than these few minor things, it was great! Keep going. Don't leave us hanging. ^^ If you need anyone to proof-read your writing, I'm happy to help. I love doing that stuff.
In the hobby for 9 years.
Last edited by Betta Slave; 12-26-2011 at 11:27 PM.