Hold please, one moment....sending virtual hug.....*hugs!*
It is difficult to watch someone or something that you love move on. He knows that you tried and that you loved him. Your little boy is swimming under the Rainbow Bridge and onto the pond thereafter and looking back to Earth and thanking you for all that you've done for him.
I know for a fact that no one would want us to suffer after we're gone but it is difficult to focus and really look at the positives of life when something so tragic happens. Life has a way of giving us little reminders, telling us we're still human and you know what? It's alright to cry over someone or something that's been lost to us. You can take your time to mourn over your lost baby but just don't focus on it for too long. Ollie would have wanted you to be happy give the joy that he gave you, to others.
As I have told other's, and I know this doesn't apply to everyone, but their passing allows you to save another who has been brutally cared for if cared for at all. As I said, not for all, but maybe it will just give a little glimmer of hope, just a little something that you might need.
God will be there to comfort you when you most need it and we'll be here for you to lean on when you're feeling down and sad. I can only hope that you can see our words for more than just words and that we'll always be here for you. Sending prayers your way hun!