Actual Entry xP
So...it's been a while since I actually made an entry here.
All my fish are fine, they survived a few days without me very well, even though they all thought they were starving.
Ghibli's good too.
And I'm pretty okay, enjoying a week off work.
Unfortunately, I feel like my muse is in a dream state; like she's standing before a desert and knows she has to cross it to find the oasis she needs to create. Yea. I 'want' to do betta art, and work on some actual marine life, like some sea turtles, humpback whales, weedy sea dragons.......I also want to write more. Though my self esteem as a fictional writer has been in the dumps for years, thanks to lack of audience and seriously messed up people I keep bringing into my life =S
I have all this origami paper, all these beads, I try to promote the cause...but I don't feel that excitement any more. I feel bummed out by people.
A good example is, I just got a report via Sea Shepherd on FB that a Sea Turtle Conservationist was murdered by poachers down in Costa Rica. because they want to steal turtle eggs and sell them on the black market. And then the next thing in my feed is an aquaintance saying 'Got to golf, had a great day!' And I seriously want to punch his face in. I know that he has no idea about the sea turtle thing, but he has been an individual I've approached about adopting a betta fish, or putting money towards conservation. And he's given me the 'life's just so busy and money's too tight' excuse (which of course the next week I see him post about spending $80 on a gold club????).
I'm not saying people should give up what makes them happy to save the world, all I'm saying is if you could've gone another paycheck without a new golfclub...maybe you should've.
And then on here.......this community is sometimes great...people honestly wanting to help others, teach newcomers to the hobby, share their wonderful stories and inspirations.....and then at other times, I find just as much selfishness, greed, ignorance, misplaced hate and bitterness....
I mean, I'm all for brutal honesty. Raw sincerity is the way to go, because then there are no misunderstandings between those who perceive the world on that level...unfortunately people's feelings do get hurt because they get upset and it's just a mess. So even here, it's not advisable to be completely honest with people.
And this place stresses people out! They start getting told they need to do this, this, this, this, and need to have to have these such and such meds, and so on, and so on...I'll honestly say, when I first came here, I was a mess. Stressing out over ONE betta fish with finbiting tendencies. That was it, nothing terrible, but then I discovered all this new info and I lost sleep for weeks because of anxiety. And that's because of the phrasing people use on here. It didn't even have to be a thread I posted or a response to one of my posts, I would skim into the wee morning hours and see some seriously obnoxious, rude, and heartless replies to other people's problems.
I'm glad I took a step back after a while, and gave the forum the finger and calmed the freak down because it was making me incredibly ill for a while. And you know what? My fish was fine. I was freaking out about nothing. Despite how seriously some members told me to do things, it's one of the most common and easiest issues in the book.
Since I've dealt with rougher stuff, but even if I did have the correct meds, there's no garuntee my fish would've done any better. Unfortunately, a friend's current issues is proof of that. All the 'miracle' drugs in the world may not save your fish, and that's just a simple fact in this hobby. Death comes and death goes away. And I'm not saying we shouldn't strive to do our best to help them, we totally should. Just to keep in mind that we're not some god with any control over it, we're simply humans.
Anyways...basically it's like this; I used to come on here and be in awe of this place; people's AB fish, how accomplished breeders were, how much other members knew...I was dazzled for a time. And then I started seeing the politics. The dirty drama. The plain fact that even though some of these people love bettas, they're still miserable people. Members treat each other like crap sometimes, members can't respect each other's opinions or walk away, no, they HAVE to get their two cents in there and bitch. There are some issues that are left alone for too long, and other people who can't read, and sooo many members on here just assume everything when they post.
And the fact is, this forum is part of the Internet. You DONT know the truth of the person behind the Username. Unless you've met them in person, you don't have any clue how much of what someone says online is true, and what isn't. Yet people have gotten ridiculously upset over the truths and falses of some members, and then act all offended when it's one way or another.
I'm tired of it. I'm tired of coming to a place where I don't smile any more. I appreciate the friends I've made, and I am grateful for the help I have received..I'm happy I got to truly help others, because that fortified confidence in myself as a caretaker of these fish. But enough is enough. This place throws me back into my dull-drums, and just reminds me of why I don't like people, and should just stay away from large groups of them.
Anyways.....in a few weeks, don't be surprised if I just stop replying on here. I'm happy to share my email and facebook with people if they want it (warning, I have much more brutal opinions on FB and in private messages).
It's been a pleasure, and I wish you all well.
Last edited by Destinystar; 06-09-2013 at 05:01 PM.