Well, as per usual my day has totally sucked. This morning my daughter was constantly yelling (a new thing she's started doing, even when she isn't upset she'll just yell), squirming around whenever I'd try to hold her, and was pretty much being a butthead until my brother came to get her. As of last week, my brother was supposed to start coming two hours earlier, but that hasn't happened once. I totally understand he has his own kids and things to do, but we made it really clear how important it is that he comes as soon as possible. Yesterday I found out my husband STILL hasn't taken our marriage certificate to his HR office, which means I'm not on his insurance yet and can't see a doctor. I really don't expect people to always do what I want them to do (I mean really, it rarely happens) but when it comes to something that affects not only my health but my daughter's, I figured things would have gotten done by now. Over the past month, I've given two major "cries for help", with one being mostly responded to and the other pretty much completely ignored. I have been pushing through the days since this started months ago, and using every ounce of energy I had to do my best for my child. But you know, everyone runs out of gas eventually, and I've been running on empty for quite some time now. Last week I told everyone I had absolutely reached my limit, and I simply couldn't handle things anymore (if you've ever had severe depression you know what I'm talking about) and yet not a single thing has changed. Everyone tells you to ask for help when you're struggling with a mental illness, but what happens when you do and nothing results from it? You're just expected to keep going through each day doing what you've been doing and have everything be fine. Well you know what? I'm not fine. I haven't really been "fine" in eight years, but right now I'm REALLY not fine. I just want to leave. Just get up, grab a few things, and walk right out the door and not come back. But I can't, because I have a kid, and she's my responsibility regardless of how completely screwed up I am. I feel like I don't deserve her one bit. She should have a mom who is so happy to have her, enjoys taking care of her, and can give her endless amounts of love. I, frankly, am tapped out. This morning I completely shut down emotionally, and just went through the motions to keep myself going until my brother got here. My daughter shouldn't have to deal with someone like that. Feeling like I am a bad mom just adds to my depression, and that just makes it harder to take care of her. The vicious cycle continues. Where does it end? I either get help, or I don't. I guess we'll see which way it goes.
Kindness and respect should be shown to all animals, no matter if they are furry, scaly, big, or small. Be a hero to the animals and GO VEGAN!
Last edited by LinkLover; 07-29-2013 at 08:36 PM.