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Old 09-15-2012, 12:00 PM   #11 
Alcemistnv
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I can't seem to think of anyting to do at this very moment to help. I mmight draw...

And I'm one of those people that "absorbs" another person's stress.
For example: I was just with a friend and I'm trying to tell him about how my mom is being extremely hypocritical and basically doesn't want to see me unless I come home. I'm in the middle of explaining and he cuts off to talk to someone else.
But when he tells me his problems, I listen, because that's who I am, and then I start feeling worse because I start thinking about what he's going through, and I see people differently, etc. I'm trying to find someone neutral to talk to, but it's a holiday weekend so EVERYONE went home, and there's maybe 20 people in the residence hall I live in.

I thought about seeing my fish, and I'm ding that now. They're still in zombie mode so they're not really doing much, but seeing them helps a lot more....
And you are correct, I do have more fish, 3 more. They're all different shapes and colors too.

I though about getting a tattoo for my 21st bithday, and I was stuck on getting a Tribal Umbreon tattoo done. But now I might do some interesting Tribal (or just colored) tattoo of Buddha. I feel like it will mean a lot more to me than a Pokemon tattoo because these fish have already saved my life.
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Old 09-15-2012, 02:41 PM   #12 
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Thought about something terrible today, it was influecned by a "trigger" post on tumblr. Now I feel worse.

And on top of that, a few of my friends decided to go apple picking without me. And then my other friends decided to hang out together elsewhere without me.

There's a reason why II'm curled up on my bed wrapped in a comforter. It's because all I want to do is become as small as possible and just disappear. And well, it's working I guess since everyone forgot about me...again.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:41 PM   #13 
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We haven't forgotten about you. I'm so sorry you've been feeling so bad and I wish there was something I could do to help. Have you ever seen a therapist about all this?
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:48 PM   #14 
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((I'm a bit better, talked to a friend who I thought was gone, but he's still here! He got a huge load off my shoulder too))

Yay :)

And no, I haven't. I heard mixed reviews about the therapist on campus :/
And I can't go to a professional one because I currently don't have health insurrance because a mistake my parents did.
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Old 09-15-2012, 06:52 PM   #15 
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Ooh, I love tattoos! I have one picked out that I haven't gone to get, yet :) It's the line "only love can do that" from a quote by MLK Jr. Are you going to draw your own, or have the tattooist draw one for you? I always think it's so cool when people draw their own tats, but I can't draw anything more than a stick figure, sooo.... ha ha.

I'm glad your friend was around to make you feel better! You could always just go see the school therapist one time, and decide if you like her. If you do, keep going, and if not, then don't go. It never hurts to try!
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Old 09-16-2012, 01:01 AM   #16 
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((I would love to do it myself, but I'm terrible at it. I was thinking of possible asking Aokashi when the time comes :)

I'm planning on making an appointment once the day happens when I absolutely have no resources))

Mood: was 1 then 8
Stress: was 1 then 10

The day started TERRIBLE,as posted earlier.

But as of right now, I feel great! Smile on my face, and no stress :)
Went out to town for dinner, played frisbee/soccer with some friends/acquantinces I rarely see or just met. We played for about 3 hours so I'm worn out. Unfortunately, I managed to mess up my OTHER ankle, and since I don't have health insurance I can't have it checked out T-T

But I hope the pain goes away after I rest it. :)

OVerall, A different day that started bad, but ended good! :)
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:54 AM   #17 
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Mood: 5
Stress:10

No stress, but neutral mood. Good, right? :)

I had a lot of fun last night with some more new friends. It was mainly a drinking party, but it was classy. And I, being the one who never drinks, had to drink lemonade when we played Kings haha

But overall it was a lot of fun :)

This morning, however, I woke up in an intense amount of back pain. I've been experiencing back pain for years now, but since I haven't seen a doctor about it, I don't know whats wrong. I woke up numerous times during the night and found out that no matter what positiion I was in, my back was killing me.

I can't see a doctor, so I guess I'm just left with taking lots and lots of advil.

I'll comment later today about how it goes~

Oh, I had a dream last night in which I was buying stuff for my new apartment. My dad and sister were with me, and we were in this one shopping center I go to often. Well, my dad told me that I was allowed to go to petsmart and buy up to $100 of what I wanted. Well, I ended up buying a huge tank (make 20gals) and lots of female bettas. I told him that I would keep all my other bettas in their tanks at the moment, but Buddha would get upgraded and put in the 20 gal except he'd be in part where the water wasn't shared.

I woke up happy from the dream, but no so much from the pain xD
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:21 PM   #18 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alcemistnv View Post

This morning, however, I woke up in an intense amount of back pain. I've been experiencing back pain for years now, but since I haven't seen a doctor about it, I don't know whats wrong. I woke up numerous times during the night and found out that no matter what position I was in, my back was killing me.
Try flipping your mattress over. It may provide temporary relief.
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:08 PM   #19 
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Well I'm glad you are feeling good, mentally, but I'm sorry to hear about your back!

What an awesome dream :) haha I love dreams about pets!
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Old 09-21-2012, 12:40 PM   #20 
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Mood: 3
Stress:2

So, I believed I failed yet another test for my business class, but nope, this doesn't surprise me. All my business grades from last year were a c+, c-, c-, and a b.

Notice a trend?

I'm telling everyone I want to be a business majr because it will keep me successful in life. I can start my own business. I can do this. I can do that. But what's the use if I can't pass a single class?

I mean, how do I expect myself to know how to take care of my own finances if I can't even do a textbook's example correctly?

I might just give up on being a business major like EVERYONE keeps telling me, and just be undecided for the rest of my sophmore year. Literally, I don't know ANYTHING else to do that will benefit me in the future that I would want to do. ANYTHING.
And I mean that in a "I'm not going to colelge again because I need a new degree" sort of way.

I could try teaching, but then again I need a major for that...

Anyways, it's spirit week for my school (yay....) and all the residence halls are competing. I'm in Hall Gov so I'm "expected" to attend everything, but nope, I'm sorry, I have 3 tests between Monday-Wednesday. I'm not going to let me GPA drop down to the 2 range like last year. I need to keep it up and I need lots of studying (oh, and all the events tak up most of the day).

So I need to skip out on my hall gov duties so I can go study. YIPPE
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