Originally Posted by ThePearlFish
If I didn't mention it, people wouldn't even know I had my disorders. I am not ashamed of them, and people can see I am pretty normal for a person (or as normal as one can get in this world
) when I do tell them. I can almost deal with the TS cus it only affects me in certain situations now as I have gotten past adolescence, but it is the OCD that kills me sometimes cus I hate certain types of dirtiness. And I KNOW it is only my perception, but it still affects me to a degree that I wish I could control it more.
Everyone has ocd to some degree but mine was so bad at times I couldn't get out of bed, it wouldn't let me. It got to the point where I wasn't sleeping, barely eating, and my anxiety was so high that the acid from my stomach was eating away at my esophagus to the point where even drinking water caused me to double over in pain. This was my breaking point and had it continued would have killed me.....and at the time I would have welcomed it.
It's not something I like talking about as it was some of the darkest times in my life. Some of it was so bad and torturous my mind has blocked it out. But I came through it and arose and beat it back the abyss that spawned it. I've tried writing a book about it but the memories overwhelm me and I end up very upset.
If there was ever something I would like to tell those who suffer at it's hands is that nothing it tells you can harm you, stand up to it and refuse it's compulsions. Silence is it's bane and like the stray when you no longer feed it it finally goes away.