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Old 11-16-2012, 04:55 PM   #11 
LadyVictorian
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Same, parents have no right to tell you what you can and can't have once you are 18, legally you are an adult. They can make suggestions but it's your life not theirs. If they feel otherwise you can make the choice to cut them from your life, my dad did it to his parents because it was clear they would never see eye to eye. Though he still loves them he hasn't spoken with or seen his parents in seven years and can't say I blame him. They tried running his life years after he moved out. His father FORCED him into the military it was that bad.
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Old 11-16-2012, 05:08 PM   #12 
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I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to Blueberry! I agree, you should talk to your mom about this. Making you give YOUR fish away is WRONG.
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:38 PM   #13 
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Originally Posted by asukabetta View Post
... but does that mean she had the right of giving away a betta which was MINE, and bought and cared for with MY MONEY. ...

... I warned them that he was sick, and recovering but my aunt and cousin did not care....
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You should have a talk with your mother. It seems to me that she overstepped a boundary.
I agree with NeptunesMom. I feel that your Mom overstepped her boundaries.

Can you calmly talk to your Mom and explain how you feel, and why? And then also talk to your Aunt and explain, as well?

I don't know what's wrong with Blueberry. But if he's sick - then *you* are the best person to know if his condition changes any. I think the fact that he's ill is a major thing --- he should be with you, as you're the best person to care for him.

Would your cousin understand if you explained all this? Even something like "Blueberry is sick, so he needs to stay with me right now" could probably be understood by a kid. Then, what if the two of you went together to the LFS and picked out a new fish for your cousin, along with some decorations or plants? (Yes, you'd be the one paying.) If you can get your cousin excited about picking out a fish and selecting plants, maybe there's a way you could keep Blue and also keep your family from getting upset?

Just my thoughts. I hope it works out for you and Blueberry.

Last edited by LittleBlueFishlets; 11-16-2012 at 11:42 PM.
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Old 11-17-2012, 03:05 AM   #14 
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I know you guys are correct in a way but, I cannot cut my parents off, over a this, sure they are overstepping, but I did do that when I started breaking the "No pet rule" my limit was 1 fish then I pushed it to 3. Then they just accepted that fish weren't going to give them any problems.

Call me stupid, but I have always respected my parents, though sometimes they do things I disagree with like now, they have done lots of things for me when I least expected it, sure call it regular parenting, or something parents should do.

I am currently in a delicate situation with my parents and do not wish to give them any reasons to push their tolerance further, and trust me when I say this because of course the details is private. Plus as I said, I have nowhere else to go until I'm done with college and get a full time job.

It's always easy to tell someone to break a bond with their family, nonchalantly, even, but I had more good moments with them than bad ones, and they are the ones who made me the person I am today, and I do not think that I turned out that bad did I ? Yeah I'm half defending my parents now lol because they aren't bad people. They have gone through hell and back when they were younger, which makes admire them in a way, and which is the reason I think they are so strict.

So, I have dropped the subject with my mother, nothing is going to change her mind, in her view fish are just fish, and she has no personal bounding with the animal thus she can give it away with no feelings or anything.

The only thing I have done is warn her that if blue does die it will be all on her, and that she better leave my other fish alone. (I am going to my aunt's to treat him now)

That said I think we have reached a silent agreement, thanks for your support, I'm sorry for getting you guys all rallied up
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Old 11-17-2012, 08:46 AM   #15 
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The only thing I have done is warn her that if blue does die it will be all on her, and that she better leave my other fish alone. (I am going to my aunt's to treat him now).
This is a big part of why I feel you should (calmly) speak with your mother and aunt. If blue dies - what will the effect be on your cousin? Why not start her off with a pet that is healthy, rather than one that is ill. Also, if blue dies, will you harbor resentment towards your family?

I am not so much thinking of "warning" them, but "explaining" - as one adult speaking to another- that perhaps there is a better alternative. In other words, try to shift your relationship so they start to see you as an adult member of the family?
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:00 AM   #16 
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1. You should look into renting a room on campus or live in the dorms.

2. Get a little speech ready for when your Mom is old, goes something like this:



"Sorry Mom, but I have a house rule: 'no old people' so I'm giving you away to the nursing home buh-bye."
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Old 11-17-2012, 09:42 AM   #17 
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It's always easy to tell someone to break a bond with their family, nonchalantly, even, but I had more good moments with them than bad ones, and they are the ones who made me the person I am today, and I do not think that I turned out that bad did I ? Yeah I'm half defending my parents now lol because they aren't bad people. They have gone through hell and back when they were younger, which makes admire them in a way, and which is the reason I think they are so strict.
I am not saying at all to break your bond with your parents. And, I do not think that anyone thought your mother was a "bad person". Parents are used to making decisions about their children and their children's "things". I had to talk with my mom many times about boundary issues in my early 20's. It did not mean she was "bad" and it did not mean I was trying to "break our bond". I do not know how old you are, but it is something everyone who lives at home eventually needs to talk to their parents about (boundaries). Whether it is framed around your fish, or it is just framed around your need for space... you really should consider doing it. Even if right now, is not the correct time to discuss it. Maybe a few months down the road. I am sorry if you thought people were not trying to support you. We are just concerned about you, especially those of us who have lived in your shoes and know how frustrating, and violating it feels.

I hope your little guy lives a long and healthy life with your cousin.
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Old 11-17-2012, 03:38 PM   #18 
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2. Get a little speech ready for when your mom is old, goes something like this:



"sorry mom, but i have a house rule: 'no old people' so i'm giving you away to the nursing home buh-bye."
+100!
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Old 11-17-2012, 06:03 PM   #19 
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2. Get a little speech ready for when your Mom is old, goes something like this:

"Sorry Mom, but I have a house rule: 'no old people' so I'm giving you away to the nursing home buh-bye."
Wow, that's a little harsh. Respect on one side is still better than no respect at all.

@OP: I think it would be best if you just had a talk with your mom. You don't have to get upset, just tell her how you feel. :)
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Old 11-17-2012, 06:46 PM   #20 
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I was just curious how is he doing? is he doing okay with your aunt and cousin?

Last edited by megaredize; 11-17-2012 at 06:55 PM.
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