My mom's fish- suggestions?(detailed story)

[Laki]

Thanks, I know mom has her problems!! But she is physically able to care for things, and with her job now she is a little better financially able to care for her pets. It's just fatigue upon going home after work (I understand that) and then she sleeps. In her waking hours she is online playing neopets keyquest. Like, talk about needing to be on Strange Addictions. Mom plays that for hours a day. Unhealthily. And since her job is literally across the street from her house she DOES NOT exercise. She always makes excuses to not go out for a short walk.


So, her time is spent all day in her house, minus the laundromet and work. There is no excuse.


I wanted to take her fish months ago but it was inappropriate of me to suggest. Once she had the first death scare, she felt it was time for emergency intervention. She hasn't spoken to me since the day after he died so idk.

[Xaltd1]

Bring her a big vase of roses & apologize for giving her a "sick fish" and ask what you can do to make it up to her.

Since bettas can live many years, the fish "must have been sick" since she gave it "perfect care", right? You thought you could save it, but since it died anyway, it must have been too sick to save. What I'm saying it you should "fall on the sword" because nothing is worth your relationship over this. It will necesssitate some white lies, which is OK b/c she is living in a world full of denial (i. e. lies). Just let her know you love her regardless.

[Xaltd1]

While I have my advice column going, I should add that you can't "should" anyone into doing anything. She'll dig in her heels. All you can do is make sure that you tell her that you love her; praise her good qualities, and do thoughtful things for her. In short, build her self-worth as much as you can.

I've been at all sides of this situation. There's a lot of your mom in me (except I'd die for my pets) and all we need to know is that people care for us. Once we feel valued, we start taking care of ourselves. She KNOWS what to do to improve her life, she just doesn't see the point, so why try?

[Laki]

Haha thanks. BUT I am NOT buying her roses. I won't even buy a potted plant. Her aloe, christmas cactus and "money" tree are all failing. She doesn't have the windows. And we never had the kind of relationship where we said we loved each other. I know it sounds heartless but it would put her in a worse state if I was to suddenly one day told her I loved her. I just... can't. Not even my sisters. We have a seriously broken/delerious family.

I will suggest she come down for a coffee later, to tim hortons (not my house, bc she will refuse). If she doesn't.. Then Idk. IT's so nice outside today that I just want to be out. I can't keep trying to sutre these familial ends of nobody else tries.

[LittleBlueFishlets]

Sounds like you have a plan.... invite her for coffee. If she agrees, then go, and spend time outside before and/or after. If she doesn't want to go, then simply go outside and enjoy yourself. You can only control your own actions, not hers or the rest of your family's. A lot of families (mine included) are dysfunctional. You're not alone.

[Laki]

YES thanks!

I'm actually getting ready now for a publich history lecture by some of my profs but after that (bc I KNOW mom won't go, too public) I'll invite her out.

Don't you sometimes want to scream at yur family!