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Old 04-16-2013, 08:15 PM   #17181 
JadeAngel
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Originally Posted by FishyFishy89 View Post
ugh, why does my husband insist on turning the TV volume up loudly? I am deaf in my right ear! And I can hear the TV perfectly at about 10 points less than what he turns it to -.-
My husband sometimes says I turn the volume up too loudly sometimes but then I complain about how high up the bass is when he's listening to music Go figure? Oh, I always have the feeling someone is going to call the cops for disturbing the peace, and am always shocked that the neighbors say they can't hear his music (we're a tight nit community, friends with all the neighbors). Though, since I've had my daughter I have gotten used to putting minimal volume on the tv in the room because I don't want it to effect her hearing.

Maybe your husband needs his hearing checked? (not joking)
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Old 04-16-2013, 08:23 PM   #17182 
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I'm sure he does. He doesn't have a really sense of smell anymore because of working in the automotive paint industry. He can't smell anything unless it is a really strong scent.
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Old 04-25-2013, 10:00 PM   #17183 
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Please help me solve a STUPID problem!
Since my divorce (5 years ago) I haven’t had anyone else to add to my birthday “celebration” (dinner at a restaurant, whoopee) with except my mom, who’s 83. (My son, 27, an only child, lives in LA.) I know, pathetic, right? Mom doesn’t mince words about my faults (I have many) and repeats painful stories from both of our pasts incessantly. This makes it difficult for me to cope with spending time with her. As a result, I always invite Mom’s best friend of 40+ years, Anna, to join us at my birthday dinners. Anna diffuses the tension and allows me tolerate the dinner. Mom & Anna are joined at the hip; they are both widowed; they worked together at the same high school for 40 years. They take vacations together and have dinner together at least twice per week. Both my son and I had Anna for an English teacher, and my son adores them both.
Today, my Mom told me that Anna’s son (a HS classmate of mine) is throwing an elaborate, expensive 80th birthday party for her at a local country club. I (hopefully) asked Mom if I was invited. Mom said “did you get an invitation?” I said “no”, so Mom said I was not invited. C’est la vie, no problemo, whatever.
I just noticed that my Mom left me a voicemail. She said that she asked, and Anna said “it was OK” for me to go to the party.
I am bleeping fuming. Again, I am chopped liver, a social afterthought. Pathetic, pathetic, like Mom says…
I plan on telling Mom (& Anna, by default) that I’m not their charity case and to #$%^ the party.
Your insights? I need an impartial point of view!
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Old 04-25-2013, 10:45 PM   #17184 
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Xaltd1, I am partially impartial. In that I have a mother that really just isn't very enjoyable to be around. I had a bad childhood, but my mother never misses a chance to compete with me in anything. When it's bad "I had it worst". When it's good "I did it better". She told my husband various odd things you would never expect a mother to say, like I would manipulate him or that I would make things up? I didn't find out she said some of these things until years later when I got annoyed at my husband for disliking my mother so much. After finding out more about who she really within the last couple of years, I don't blame him. She's said some pretty unmotherly things, and he's said after 8 years of marriage I am nothing like some of the things she's said. It's funny, because she does these things, but then other times acts like the world's best mom (talk about mind games)

I tell you this because I understand what it's like to have a mother that seems to want to see you feel bad about yourself.

So here's my take on this....

It is quite possible that Anna did not word herself at all how your mother said. The conversation could have gone like "my daughter wants to know if she can come to the party" "oh? I didn't send her an invitation? huh... well sure, she can came" and your mother calls up with a quick "she said it's ok if you come" as though it's something that really didn't matter to you.

It's only a possibility. If you are feeling hurt by it, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that Anna was being shallow, but maybe that your mother just really sucks at her people skills. There's also the possibility that her son asked for Anna's address book or something like that and he sent the invitations himself, but he didn't realize you are that close to his mom or that she always goes to your birthday dinners?

Though, honestly, I wouldn't put too much weight on the words of a mother that is difficult to be around. I'm still trying to learn not to let my mother bother me, and I still need to vent sometimes, but in the end, it really isn't worth it. I'm sure you already have stress from other situations in life, letting your mother get you down is just like self mutilation. Just remember when she's being a judgmental sour puss that it's not because there's something wrong with YOU, she probably has some psychological issue burried that she feels the need to make you feel bad about yourself either through direct or indirect offensive speech.

She probably won't change at that age.... but then again, my granddad recently had a whole new turn around in his religious and moral perspective on some things, and he's pushing 80! Kill her with kindness, and you know what? Next time she points out a flaw.... I'd say "mom, I know you may not approve of who I am, but I do. I don't appreciate you picking at my flaws all the time. You're my mother and you're supposed to love me, not judge me"

I would let the birthday party thing slide. You just need to remember that a lot of people really just suck at social etiquette... then again... there's also her age. She may simply have forgotten or thought she already filled out an invitation to you (seriously, I'm doomed when I get older with things like that.... I already have a poor memory, lol)

Either way, it's really not worth stressing yourself over

Heck, next birthday, you should just do something different, forget the dinner... and fly out to see your son and have a good time! You shouldn't be stuck dreading your birthday dinner. Have fun this coming birthday
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Old 04-25-2013, 10:53 PM   #17185 
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My mom is the only perfect person on this earth, if you haven't heard.
Anna's son knows very well who I am, my email, etc. He chose not to invite me.
According to my mom's voicemail, "it's OK if I come as her (mom's) guest."
I'm calling mom tomorrow and telling her there is NO WAY I'm going, and my b-day will NOT include them next year. Hell, I'd rather sit at home and watch a movie.
I'm 52. I sound like I'm 2. but I'm REALLY PO'D!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-25-2013, 11:06 PM   #17186 
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Id rather stay at home for my bday as well. Never been one for parties. I was when I was younger, but thats the past. If I were you, id start the new tradition of enjoying YOUR day the way YOU want to
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Old 04-25-2013, 11:07 PM   #17187 
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Oh....my rant? Sick fishys.....atleast things are looking up for them right now.
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Old 04-25-2013, 11:28 PM   #17188 
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Originally Posted by Xaltd1 View Post
My mom is the only perfect person on this earth, if you haven't heard.
Anna's son knows very well who I am, my email, etc. He chose not to invite me.
According to my mom's voicemail, "it's OK if I come as her (mom's) guest."
I'm calling mom tomorrow and telling her there is NO WAY I'm going, and my b-day will NOT include them next year. Hell, I'd rather sit at home and watch a movie.
I'm 52. I sound like I'm 2. but I'm REALLY PO'D!!!!!!!!!!!!

You don't sound childish at all. Being left out by someone that you'd have a reasonable expectation to include you in basic events is insulting.

I vote for doing something that you really enjoy whether that is watching a movie or window shopping, or any other thing you like.

Btw, I had to laugh as my husband says exactly that whenever I complain about something mom said that bugged me "haven't you heard, your mother is perfect and better than you at everything, or... worse too"
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Old 04-25-2013, 11:37 PM   #17189 
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My mom is Honey Boo-Boo!!!
She's Southern, and her mom's (RIP) favorite child- blond & cute, always doing stunts to attract attention. Her 2 older siblings were always upstaged by her.
I called her out on this, and, insulted, mom told her sister & childhood friend what I said...
Both of them agreed w/me 100%!!!!!!!
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Old 04-26-2013, 12:08 AM   #17190 
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My mom is Honey Boo-Boo!!!
She's Southern, and her mom's (RIP) favorite child- blond & cute, always doing stunts to attract attention. Her 2 older siblings were always upstaged by her.
I called her out on this, and, insulted, mom told her sister & childhood friend what I said...
Both of them agreed w/me 100%!!!!!!!

her plan to rally people on her side failed. I hope you can find better company to keep though, and I hope, even if this doesn't turn out great, at least you find a way to deal with it in a way that will make you feel better n.n
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