Today was supposed to be a big step for me and my anxiety... first time going out without my fiance in months. That went to crap.
We have one car, so he needed it to go to work, so he took it... then at work he's a catering driver, and once he's there, he drives a different car for the restaurant. The plan was for him to pick me up on his way back from his last delivery, which was a town away or something and take me to a wedding while he went back to work.
I made it out of the apartment (yay), and like to two driveways away from where the wedding was (yay), but there was a poor dead dog in the road, freshly hit... there was another dog playing in the front yard nearby. Someone was stopped right behind the dog, presumably the person who hit him trying to find an owner or something... anyway the sight of the dead dog really threw me. I see dead animals in the road all of the time... including pets, but it's been a while since I've seen one that freshly killed... and it made me start thinking about how sad it was, and worried for the second dog that was nearby, and how I'd feel if one of my dogs died or if I accidentally hit a dog on the road... but the wedding was right there and I didn't have time to recover from it.
We pulled into the driveway, and everyone started walking toward the car (more likely because it is from a popular cafe here and they wanted food than anything to do with me) and the crowd freaked me out even more, and I started having a panic attack so I made my fiance drive us away... past the dead dog again... and of course since he had to be on his way back to work, I had to ride with him instead of go home. I felt so bad for not going to the wedding, and that there wasn't anything I could do for the dog, and for getting the people's hopes up about catering, and for making my fiance go out of his way for me. He's really trying to help me get over this and I just keep messing it up