Bluewind, I am sorry for what you are going through. Your mammaw knows that you love her and she will understand why you can't be there as much as you want to be. She surely wouldn't want you to make yourself sick too. She will always be a part of you, in memory, and in your heart. You are in her heart as well, even if she can't tell you in words. Be grateful for the time you have had with her, and that she isn't in any apparent pain. My own dad has had several mini strokes and I know at some point, he could have a major one. I'm sorry about your family not being there for you. Take care of your dad, make sure he knows that you love him, and if you could do more, you would. Just be strong, there is a reason for everything, and only God knows why.