Jokes thread

[BeckyFish97]

I thought a joke thread would be quite fun to do, share your favourite jokes here!

I hope I'm the las guy on earth...I want to see if all those girls were lying to me!

Everyone has a right to be stupid...you're just abusing the privilege

No one is listening until you fart

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and tick you off at the same time

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

You had the right to remain silent...you just didn't have the ability!!!

[Catfish Billy]

Just look at my signiture! :)

I've got another one. Why did the duck cross the road?

To show that chickens weren't the only animal that can cross the road!

[BeckyFish97]

Haha :)

I love those:

Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway :P

Oh I love the things that appear in your signature, I remember the last ones:

Stupid: Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

Nerd: Not Even Remotely Dorky

I found another one:

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Edit: I have another one, it is not intended to offend anyone, although I fear it may, it is meant completely as a joke!

A man walks into a bar, and asks for 6 double vodka's, the bar tender asks him: whats wrong?
The man answers, I just found out my younger brother is gay, I'm not sure how to deal with it.
The next day the same man appears and orders 6 double vodka's, the bar tender asks him: whats wrong this time?
The man answers, I just found out my older brother is gay, I'm not sure how to deal with it.
When the man appears for the third day running, the bar tender asks: Doesn't anyone in your family like women?
The man answers: Yes...my wife!!!

[Catfish Billy]

Very funny! Not meaning to be offensive.....

I always try to make sure both my avatar and signature are creative/funny! The amount of comments I got about my old cat/shark avatar......XD

[BeckyFish97]

Haha, we have a genius in the room :P

[TheCrabbyTabby]

Here's a joke my dad told me.

So this man was at the airport and in line to be scanned by the metal detector. He emptied out his pockets and found that his keys were missing. He was immediately alarmed. He went back and looked at every place he had been, couldn't find them. He went back to the parking lot and started to search for his car, and it was nowhere to be found. He called the police to report the theft. They showed up in next to no time and began filing a theft report. The man finally called his wife to tell her the bad news. To which she replied, "You senile old man!! I dropped you off!" He then retorted "Watch it, I have the cops with me."

[thekinetic]

Two men walk into a bar.....you'd think the second would have ducked.

A man who had been drinking decides to walk home, on the way home he is stopped by a cop who asks "have you been drinking sir" to which the man replies "yes" but asks "how could you tell?". The cop says "you were walking with one foot on the sidewalk and one in the gutter" to which the man replies "oh thank goodness I thought I was cripple".

[MyRainbowBettaFish]

Funny jokes everybody, no offense

1) Why should you never play cards with s cheetah?
Because they cheat!

[TheCrabbyTabby]

Originally Posted by thekinetic

Two men walk into a bar.....you'd think the second would have ducked.

A man who had been drinking decides to walk home, on the way home he is stopped by a cop who asks "have you been drinking sir" to which the man replies "yes" but asks "how could you tell?". The cop says "you were walking with one foot on the sidewalk and one in the gutter" to which the man replies "oh thank goodness I thought I was cripple".

Not to spam people with smileys but that second one made me laugh so dang hard I cried.

[dramaqueen]

Please keep the jokes clean and family friendly. :)