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Old 07-17-2012, 10:45 PM   #1 
Bettanewbie60
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Even the strong will break eventually.

I'm often told, "You are such a strong person" "You are so positive for having been through so much"! Well, tonight I don't feel strong. I have had a lot happen in the past couple months, and well, to be honest, I'm exhausted, and teary. At the end of May I went to a dermatologist, after not being able to for three years. (That is another story) I had four moles removed, and found out a week later that two of them were cancerous. I remember the phone call..how I sat there stunned, trying to breathe. I called my husband at work, then got in my car and drove to a friend's house. My friend is wonderful, and was saying all the "right" things..but, I wasn't ready to hear them yet, so I hugged her and left. I got back in my car, and on the way home passed by a tattoo parlor. Okay, I know this sounds crazy, but all of a sudden it was all I could think about..getting a new tattoo. Most women when they hear the word cancer, and NEED to do something for themselves get their hair done, or their nails done, or shop. NOT ME! No, I went back to the parlor, knowing already that I wanted to have one of those Chinese symbols put on me...something about hope. I sat on the floor of the parlor with my $50 knowing it would just barely cover a small tattoo. A young man who was working there came and sat beside me, and says, "What's wrong"? I guess I must have looked as lost as I felt, I told him quickly, "I just found out I have cancer". He spent a long time helping me pick out not one but FOUR Chinese symbols, they mean, Trust, Faith, Confidence, Reliance, it's called Shin Rai. He did the whole thing IN PURPLE for the $50. Anyway, I had the surgery to remove the two cancerous areas on June 14th. I finally got the call on June 26th that all the cancer had been removed. So, I'm just finally healing. Then two weeks ago my husband got laid off from work. I managed to keep my peace about me, not panic, trust God. We have worked together to find him work, and also spent the past three days delivering phone books just to bring in a bit of money. We were blessed that his unemployment came in so quickly, though most of his income was subcontracted, so we lost about 2/3 of our total income. Hubby had two interviews today, and I am positive he will have something very soon. In the meantime, one of my family members, for reasons I can't figure out, has betrayed me in the most horrible way possible, and turned one of my own children against me. My oldest daughter and I have always had a rough relationship, she never forgave me for divorcing her dad I guess, and I've spent years feeling guilty and trying to make up for it. Really, it's too long of a story I've written already. Let's just say I've always been "the bad mother". Well, she and I were finally really talking, and sharing before this "family" member decided to tell her a pack of lies about me, and now my daughter won't even speak to me. SIGH...between the cancer, the job loss, the "loss" of my daughter, I can honestly say, I don't feel strong right now. I've been tearing up on and off all evening. I'm just so tired. I'm so hurt. I just want a chance to breathe, to relax, to finish healing my body, and my heart, and just get on with my life. A happy life. A healthy life. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful, kind and caring husband. I love our home, our dogs, and our fish...we have what we need for today. I guess like the title says though, even the strong can break.

Kim
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:06 AM   #2 
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But what does break gets fixed to be stronger. Hang in there something good will happen, you've had your set of 3 bad things, now time for the three good (well two, the tattoo guy was pretty awesome). I'll send ya some good karma I have saved up.
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:28 AM   #3 
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Saying a prayer for you, Kim.
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:46 AM   #4 
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Originally Posted by lvandert View Post
But what does break gets fixed to be stronger. Hang in there something good will happen, you've had your set of 3 bad things, now time for the three good (well two, the tattoo guy was pretty awesome). I'll send ya some good karma I have saved up.
thank you Ivandert..I really KNOW that it's all gonna be good...I guess I just needed to get it out somewhere, and needed to finally let myself just cry over all of it. It's funny cause I'm not really depressed...but tired. "It's all good"...again, thanks.
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:49 AM   #5 
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Saying a prayer for you, Kim.
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Sparkyjoe...your prayers are much appreciated. I know God has a plan in all of this, and I've already seen a lot of the positive come out of these obstacles. I need to spend some more time in the Word and prayer, build up my strength. Thanks and hugs, Kim
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Old 07-18-2012, 12:52 AM   #6 
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lol I musta sent it all. Our bedroom window apparently decided not to seal properly when a storm came through. The streets are flooded almost above the curb and all the water that was over flowing the gutter went right in our bedroom. There isn't a single dry towel in the house and a very wet floor. lol fudge...
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Old 07-18-2012, 01:36 AM   #7 
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This made me cry.
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Old 07-18-2012, 04:31 AM   #8 
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Sending good wishes and a hug your way Kim ()
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Old 07-18-2012, 10:17 AM   #9 
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lol I musta sent it all. Our bedroom window apparently decided not to seal properly when a storm came through. The streets are flooded almost above the curb and all the water that was over flowing the gutter went right in our bedroom. There isn't a single dry towel in the house and a very wet floor. lol fudge...
Oh my...that is awful..so sorry hon! At least it is fixable! I got my positive side back as you can see. I hope you get it all dried out! hugs
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Old 07-18-2012, 10:18 AM   #10 
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Sending good wishes and a hug your way Kim ()
thanks Romad...much better today. Sometimes just writing things down helps a lot!
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