I don't know, I prefer talking to my friends or not talking at all, I'm not very open with personal stuff :/ And I always cry when I talk about this stuff, and since I take a carpool home, I'd rather not have to explain why I look like I've been crying.
Another thing that really doesn't help is that my mom made me quit horsebackriding, and that was like my life. She even let my brother keep riding, I have no idea why because she made me quit for "money reasons"
I have been clinically depressed since grade school. I guess it came about around the time my baby brother was diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia, and was hospitalized for treatment. Another factor was that I was always picked on, and made fun of for one thing or another. I had very few friends at that time, and any that were my friends, decided they didn't want to hang around me anymore. Apparently I was too weird for them.
I could manage it okay, and when I started going to middle school, I actually made a friend who was pretty good. She and I still keep in touch on FB. Anyways, it started really going downhill when this sad and pathetic girl began torturing my friend and I, probably to cover up her insecurities. I used to get so angry and worked up when I thought of what she did to me, but now all I feel is pity for her and any kids she may have now.
It was around my freshmen year of high school that I began to take prescription medication for it. Now I am managing it somewhat, and have since been diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder, or something like that.
After a long struggle with feelings of desperation to find love, I decided to take matters into my own hands and use a dating site. I found a nice guy who gave me what I needed at that time and vise versa, and now we are just friends.
Now that I am single again, I don't feel that pressing need to find companionship and closeness, and feel that I can put finding a husband on the back burner and focus on more pressing needs, like gaining independence from my parents. I seriously hope to be a vet tech one day.
In the big scheme of things, I don't really care if I have one disorder or another, because its not the disease that defines me, its what I do and who I am as a person that does.
I know exactly how you feel, the ocd I've fought for years always had a nasty way of isolating me from those who would call themselves my peers, cruel as they were. And my overwhelming anxiety and depression took care of the rest. The only people who would hang around me were those just as weird.
It has all just thrown me out of balance, it's why I so desperately seek love. It would force me to unchain what I have locked, to open the doors I have long since shut, to show who I am to one I can trust. This would return my balance and through love I could find inner peace.
I know, and he spends more than half of the money on his stupid shows, while I just ride the problem horses who are lonely because nobody has time to train them, and I cry when I think about them now because I know they are wondering where I am and I bet they have nobody caring for the rocks in their feet and cuts on their bodies :'( I also bet they are misbehaving from anxiety and the barn people are punishing them. It makes me so mad >:(
*hugs* Aw, it's so great you care so much about the animals that no one else pays attention to. I really, really hope you are able to convince your mom to let you ride again. Maybe you could work out some agreement with your stable, like riding in exchange for caring for the horses?
and she won't even drive me to the barn anyway. Its like a 45 minute drive, too. I tried makign an agreement like that with the stable but they aded anopther job each day untill it was like 8 hours of real hard work always beign criticized because I wasn't used to this new job so I did it wrong, so half of that work didn't even count, and thats what started it all. My brother did it too, and I decided to quit and she got mad at me and said no more lessons, then she thought about it and decided it really WAS unfair so she just let my brother quit with the workign and keep riding. And its worse cuz my lessons I was "earning" were really more work with the untrained horses so I didn't learn much, and I always got new instructors so they just made the horses mad by slapping them when they didn't know how to take a jump or got scared of something >:( off topic, so yeah :/ there isn't much I can do about it. I'm going to try acting really anti-social and depressed (like more than I already am) and see if she gets worried enough about me that she lets me go back.
I'll try not to :P I will probably fail though because I'm trying to be more social because at my lst school I had no friends and I hated it. At least now people don't complain when they get grouped with me on a project, they actually ask me to be in their group and I don't want to ruin it. :P I will find a way
Number 1: if the horses are being abused/neglected then they ought to be reported.
Number2: why couldn't they train you and work with you until you were able to handle taking care of the horses properly instead of letting you go?