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Old 09-21-2012, 02:36 AM   #31 
crowntaillove
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Originally Posted by LizzyP View Post
I just think yelling and getting snippy makes the OP defensive. Which is why we all get reported and snapped back at. Think about it, if you posted a picture of your tank and lets say you didn't have a heater and someone posted "OHMYGOSH, YOU DON'T HAVE A HEATER, YOUR FISH IS GOING TO DIE, YOUR FISH IS SICK, YOU'RE KILLING YOUR FISH, REHOME IT NOW!" How would that make you feel? Versus "You know, betta fish are tropical fish meaning they need water temperatures of 76-82F at all times. The way you achieve that....blah blah blah". Wouldn't you respond much more calm than the first way?
Yes! I hate seeing new members getting attacked because of something they didn't know. We all know there are common misconceptions about bettas, and most people buy their bettas on impulse before researching, and then end up here after the fact.
The best way to spread knowledge is by factually explaining information, they're a million times more likely to listen to you than if you told them they were doing this and this and this wrong.
To be honest, I created a brand new account because of something I posted on my old account and some members attacked/accused me to the point of where I was completely humiliated.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:04 AM   #32 
shi
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I find that kindness, sincerity and understanding gets me better results than attacks. Funny I find this thread after reading a couple other threads that bashed people for improper care.
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Old 09-21-2012, 08:58 AM   #33 
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Well even to be told by a moderator... "End of rant. " I think that's rude. I'm just trying to show how I feel about this site. Clearly if other members are agreeing with me, and feeling discouraged about posting, something is wrong. And then to basically close my rant, I think is very rude which makes me feel like my opinion doesn't count.
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Old 09-21-2012, 09:09 AM   #34 
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Compared to other forums on a variety of topics this one is a regular Disneyland!

Good luck finding any forum that doesn't have at least a few rude people.
That's life.

So far it's the learning disabilities that are annoying me, not any perceived "rudeness". Fortunately we have the IGNORE feature. You can find it under the User CP on the left.

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Well, Shainax, I don't want to be rude and I say this with the most respect but...I wouldn't call you a star member of the forum here lately, either. And I think you know what I'm talking about.
sorry, that made me laff
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Old 09-21-2012, 09:27 AM   #35 
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It's funny, I've been completely desensitized to people telling me I'm wrong and telling me their opinion. We all keep fish in different ways, whether it is in a 1/3 gallon, or 100 gallon. Fish are pretty much a learning experience, you can't just jump into and know everything no matter how much research you do. It's like any other pet, sure, everyone feeds their cat or dog, but they all feed them different foods, some people choose to brush their cats and dogs, others don't. If someone came up to you, told you they didn't brush their dog, but you did, would you freak out on them about how they're killing their dog because they don't do the same thing you do?

Working at Petco has also made me realize how much people just don't care. A LOT of people are actually willing to listen when you're giving them advice on keeping fish. They want to learn so they have a successful fish experience. I've also had people that come in, and when I give them friendly advice, they snap at me, tell me I'm stupid/wrong, and then expect me to sell them the fish they are bringing home to a horrible place. For example, I had some woman and her two kids come in a few days ago, wanted an oscar for their tank, so I asked her how big a tank and what was in it. She had a 6 inch goldfish, another oscar, 5 neon tetras and a 5 inch pleco. In a TEN GALLON TANK. Now, obviously that is not just someone keeping fish their own way, that is pure idiocy. She snapped at me, telling me that she "wasn't there for my advice, she was there to buy fish." So I told her she can buy all the fish she wants, but when they die, she's not allowed to get her money back. And I can't get in trouble for saying that because THAT is a company policy. We have to sell the person the fish, we can't refuse someone the fish. The only time we can if its a goldfish in a bowl. But, we can write up on their receipt that they're not allowed to return them.

So what I'm saying is, when you think someone is wrong about something, its not that they're wrong, its that they have a different way of going about things. Sure, if the person doesn't have a heater in their betta tank, but they've had the betta for 4 years already, they've got to be doing something right! It's not our place to judge people and make them feel awful. If I were to make customers feel awful in the store, I could get fired. Its our place to give advice from our perspective, then maybe give other ideas to help the person with what they've already got.

If someone has a betta in a 1 gallon tank, don't tell them they NEED to get a bigger tank. This is what I always use when it comes to tank size/keeping bettas correctly:

"Think about it this way, in the wild, bettas live in rice paddies. When you think of rice paddies, you probably think of puddles, correct? Well, these "puddles" are 3-4 feet deep and vast. They cover a lot of ground. They're very warm. They also get refreshed with water every time it rains/floods. When you take an animal from its habitat where the water is refreshed naturally, is super warm and there is a lot of it, and stick it in something so small where you leave the water stagnant for weeks, its just going to survive, if that. But when you keep an animal, you don't just want it to survive, you want it to THRIVE. That's why you want to try to mimic their natural environment as best as you can"

Most of the time, that does the trick. People really understand what I'm saying and they are way more willing to cooperate in getting a nice setup for their animals. I always find that if you give someone a real life example as to why something is "bad" or "unhealthy" they are more likely to understand and agree.
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Old 09-21-2012, 10:56 AM   #36 
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You know, Lizzie mods put up with a lot of crap. Not to sound rude here but why air your grievances on the open forum? Also, crowntaillove,having multiple accounts is against the forum rules. If you have problems with something pm a mod about it. That's what we're here for.
Also, when I said "end of rant " I was talking about MY rant. Lol

Last edited by dramaqueen; 09-21-2012 at 12:07 PM.
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Old 09-21-2012, 12:12 PM   #37 
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You know, Lizzie mods put up with a lot of crap. Not to sound rude here but why air your grievances on the open forum? Also, crowntaillove,having multiple accounts is against the forum rules. If you have problems with something pm a mod about it. That's what we're here for.
Also, when I said "end of rant " I was talking about MY rant. Lol
That's exactly how I read the "end of rant" too. Lizzie apparently misunderstood and thought it was directed at her.

It's just another example of how typed text can be misinterpreted. Which is kind of back to the point of the thread.
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Old 09-21-2012, 12:15 PM   #38 
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Oh, well thank you :)

I just wish everyone would be respectful. I know I don't like everyone on the forum, but I'd never be disrespectful to them. Like my teachers, I don't particularly like one of them, but I would never be rude to her. I feel a lot more would be accomplished, and many people wouldn't be so turned off by the negativity. I actually have been told by another member it's better to speak privately with OFL, Sakura, Olympia, etc rather than post in the forum, just due to the fact you will either A. get wrong information B. be harassed until you want to quit or C. might not get an answer at all. So, how does that make us look as a community?
The person that told you that is probably some disgruntled forum "refugee" who thinks everyone here is ignorant or are total idiots.
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Old 09-21-2012, 12:48 PM   #39 
Olympia
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Our forum, like any other community, will have some rough times and disagreements, totally part of human nature. Sometimes it can be hard to get your point across, and even frustrating when someone does not listen to your advice or disagrees with you.

I think first we should all look back at ourselves, our own actions. If you feel yourself getting frustrated with someone, just back off the thread, someone else will probably come along and reply to that thread. A lot of us are like our bettas that we love so dearly, with our fiery personalities, I've noticed. Not a bad thing! Being passionate about something is amazing, especially something like fish, which often leads into a life long hobby. Fish keeping is an amazing hobby because it can be enjoyed by everyone, young, old, disabled. Bettas especially with their easier to manage lives are great for people of all sorts. Point is, we are a community of many types, with many backgrounds, and we're all so incredibly different, maybe that's why it's hard to get along at times. These fish bring us together as a whole.

I'm speaking for the "new member" right now. Consider how big of a deal it is that these people actually got on the internet, created an account, and care enough to ask about their fish. That's more than most people will ever do over a fish. It's frustrating being told everything you are doing is wrong, very frustrating. Some people don't take to that fact very well, and do get stubborn.

I know this sounds insensitive to the fish, but I don't think it's right to keep trying to force it into someone's mind that they need this and that or the fish will die. Sometimes, the person has to learn the hard way that they did the wrong thing. Fish keeping is a learning experience, and some people need to learn by doing. If, during the process of something going wrong, we were terribly rude to them, what are the chances that they will look to us for advice when they want to correct their errors?


I really hope you guys can hold onto the forum and help us work to making it a better place.
Dramaqueen is right, it is hard being a mod, while banning people may appeal to one person, how would it look if we started kicking people off the forum for being different?
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Old 09-21-2012, 01:03 PM   #40 
shi
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Originally Posted by Olympia View Post
Our forum, like any other community, will have some rough times and disagreements, totally part of human nature. Sometimes it can be hard to get your point across, and even frustrating when someone does not listen to your advice or disagrees with you.

I think first we should all look back at ourselves, our own actions. If you feel yourself getting frustrated with someone, just back off the thread, someone else will probably come along and reply to that thread. A lot of us are like our bettas that we love so dearly, with our fiery personalities, I've noticed. Not a bad thing! Being passionate about something is amazing, especially something like fish, which often leads into a life long hobby. Fish keeping is an amazing hobby because it can be enjoyed by everyone, young, old, disabled. Bettas especially with their easier to manage lives are great for people of all sorts. Point is, we are a community of many types, with many backgrounds, and we're all so incredibly different, maybe that's why it's hard to get along at times. These fish bring us together as a whole.

I'm speaking for the "new member" right now. Consider how big of a deal it is that these people actually got on the internet, created an account, and care enough to ask about their fish. That's more than most people will ever do over a fish. It's frustrating being told everything you are doing is wrong, very frustrating. Some people don't take to that fact very well, and do get stubborn.

I know this sounds insensitive to the fish, but I don't think it's right to keep trying to force it into someone's mind that they need this and that or the fish will die. Sometimes, the person has to learn the hard way that they did the wrong thing. Fish keeping is a learning experience, and some people need to learn by doing. If, during the process of something going wrong, we were terribly rude to them, what are the chances that they will look to us for advice when they want to correct their errors?


I really hope you guys can hold onto the forum and help us work to making it a better place.
Dramaqueen is right, it is hard being a mod, while banning people may appeal to one person, how would it look if we started kicking people off the forum for being different?
+1
These forums should have like buttons or something XD
I really appreciate that moderators are taking their time to read and respond to this topic, and are open and understanding to new members and their experiences.
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