in a one on one setting i can usually conversat with people, but bring others into the equation and i have a lot of trouble relating to waht is being said, i also find it very hard to talk to people that i dont know very well, at my new job i wanted to tell people about going to the aquarium over the weekend, but I couldnt find the words to start the conversation. When music is too loud or there is too much happening i tend to shut down, i referred to these as my "bad days" until i learned about aspergers, Some of the times that i really end up shutting down is when i am out in public in large crowds, like events downtown and at the store, I will get like a fog in my brain and look down at my feet and speak softly saying to my girlfriend(if she is with me) or outloud to myself "I just wanna go home, i just wanna go home" Some of the things that also set this off is someone bumping into me, usually i can deal with it for a while, but when it get to be too much, if i dont make it home to mellow out i usually end up not saying anything at all other than a few words here and there that make little sense, and when i get home i usually end up sitting in my favorite chair curled up and slightly rocking back and forth till i feel okay again. I am incredible tactile defensive, there are some things that even the thought of touching makes me cringe, like micro-fiber cloth, and this one blanket that my mother got me a few years ago when i started college. There are also a lot of foods i will not eat, because of their texture, like cooked carrots. I tend to not understand when someone says something funny, or there are times i will say something that i mean seriously, but the way it comes out people laugh and think i am being funny. When a new topic cathes my interest that is the only thing that i will focus on, learning all i can about it, and even after i have learned everythinh i can find i still crave more information about it. I have a collection of movie memoribilllia, i hae always liked to collect things like that, and i always worry that the things i like wont always be around or available. I say a lot of things to people, things that are on my mind, that they can take as being rude, but really i am just saying what i think. I also have found that i repeat myself and people often, or if i dont outright repeat what someone tells me i will mouth it back to them, i dont look people in the eyes, instead i will look past them or watch their mouth or hands or what ever. I often get overwhelmed by emotions, like so many things coming in at once that i cant process it, I also dont always know what emotion i am feeling. WHen things do upset me, it is very hard for me to communicate that, and a lot of more "abstract" questions are lost on me, such as "what did you do today" my responce is usually "stuff" or "Idunno" but when formed more direct such as "i would like you to tell me about your day" i get it and the information comes out like an open flood gate. WHen i get upset, anything that someone says will feel like a direct attack, even if deep down i know they are trying to help. two days ago I got overwhelmed at a store looking for clay and just sat down on the floor, my girlfriend went to ask the employees where the clay was and that made me upset and made me feel like i couldnt find it on my own. that escalated to me wandering around the store even after i had the clay, barely making it home, she asked me to do the dishes cause i was hungry and that set me into a wreck and i just ended up curled up in my hoodie with the hood over my head in my favorite chair crying like none other muttering something along the lines of "i didnt do" over and over again, until i slumped over sideways and went silent for a bit, then got up fine and dandy and did some dishes like nothing hd hapened.
just a few reasons i think i may have it
Edit--I also tend to be better at communicating on forums online or via text message with people than in person, i will even email my boss about something rather than ask in person.
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