I Wasnt Ready

[Syriiven]

...it was too fast.

His name was Phycondrias...or just Phy...sometimes fishy....he was a beautiful cobalt veil-tail. A moody king of the tank with a habit of biting his own tail...

...he didn't seem sick, only a little lethargic and only for a few moments, then he'd be up and about, patrolling his tank, flaring at me every now and again, but always willing to do his welcoming wiggle like the others...

...I was focussing on the water parameters for the 10g when I looked over and saw him slightly listing to the side, and his head doing some sort of tremor or convulsion...and when he tried to take a breath at the surface he didn't break the surface, he wasn't getting his breath...

...I immediately prepared my shallow qt 'tank' for him, warm water, 1 tsp epsom per gallon thinking it was some sort of SBD or inflamed gills...when I put him in the qt he swam just a little then stopped, started listing and I saw his gills weren't closing all the way...then he convulsed again, his whole body doing this scary tremor and then it stopped...and he stopped. Everything stopped...

...I don't know what I did wrong...I was too late to save him...

I'm sorry Phy, I failed you, and I don't even know how...I didn't mean it when I called you a brat for always tearing your fin...I love you, and I'm so sorry I couldn't save you...

Rest in peace, my lovely little blue guy...Phycondrias.

[Frazzle]

Sometimes they just go.

I've had fish that are fine one day, dead the next.

It was probably nothing you did, just his time.

[Syriiven]

I thought he was older than my other betta since his 'beard' fins were very long, but...I didn't think he was that old...

[Kithy]

I'm so sorry to hear that :<

Sometimes it's nothing we're doing wrong. In fact, I bet you were doing everything right as much as you possibly could. And that little guy, he knows it.

It's never easy when anything under our care dies. We always feel guilty, like we could have done more. But we must remember to measure our time with companions with quality, not quantity. You gave him a great home where he was happy, could swim and was cared for. That's more than so many other fish get. I know you will feel bad no matter how many flowery words I put here but I just want to say I know you did a great job being his fishy parent.

Rest assured, you did not fail him. You gave him a better life than he could have expected if he'd gone to someone else's house who may be uneducated and put him in a goldfish bowl. You gave him a great life no matter the length. You did a great job.

[Syriiven]

Thanks Kithy...I feel a little less shaky after having slept a bit. It's...just odd. he's been beside me on the desk for six months...and now Demi doesn't have an entertaining betta friend to watch from her tank =(