TLDR; I did a 75% water changed. Everyone is re-homed for now. Everything but two things had slime on them. Almost ready to be reintegrated. Gonna start making Dovahkiin eat pellets, whether he likes it or not.
I had a mini heart attack and re-homed everyone temporarily until the tank gets done cycling. I wasn't going to re-home them until my 50% water replacement turned into a 75%, and I decided that was enough low water for four animals to be annoyed at each other. :3
I went ahead and took out all of the plastic plants except Dovahkiin's log and the "plant" that was in it. Everything fake had slime on it, except those two pieces. So, I took it all out. Slime was all over the gravel. Mass cleaned that. The tank is full and already at 82F. Chlorinated and the water almost looks clear already. All the live plants got a nice pruning too.
Hopefully I can get Dovahkiin to start eating pellets. I've decided to start getting bullheaded about it. Two can play at this game. If he doesn't want to eat healthier, then I'm going to make him. >.<