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Old 04-07-2013, 06:48 PM   #1 
JadeAngel
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Ranting about the hubby and bettas

More like ranting about the hubby's attitude about bettas? or... I don't know.

I'm a bit frustrated right now. And it's so silly, but it makes me sad. Obviously, my husband is not into bettas like I am. I had bettas growing up, but didn't for years, all throughout my marriage, until I found an old tank in storage and said "yay, I want one again!"

So I got Saki. Saki took to my husband (and ignored me... brat, lol) and always came up to him when he went into the room. He ran from me when I came in, go figure. So my husband decided to get his own betta. Yay! A hobby we can share

For a while anyway. Sushi was what my husband calls a fish dog, aka a fish that really begs for his food when he's hungry (like... hitting the tank side to get your attention type begging) on top of that, he had the marble gene. So he went from royal blue to almost all black with white and red fins.

Alas, sushi died of unknown causes. My husband adored him, and didn't want to get another fish for a while because he didn't want any other fish. Yeah, that didn't last. He got a new betta a week later because he said the tank felt too empty and it was making him more sad. In comes Shisu! (original name, right? Sushi- to -Shisu)

Well... Shisu is just not the same to my hubby. I think he decided before he ever got a fish that he wasn't going to like him because "no betta will ever be as cool as Sushi" (his own words). All fine, whatever... he feeds him and I clean the tank as usual.

But today I dragged him into Petsmart to look for gravel to prepare for my new tank when it arrives. Oh, we saw the prettiest turquoise Dragon scale ever. He was gorgeous. I think he was even show quality, and his turquoise was very solid, all through his body, fins, and tail. I didn't have a camera with me and our phones only have space for a few photos and were both full memory. His dorsal fin also had darker turquoise leopard spots.

My husband fell in love... with a betta! OMG... but... we don't have an extra tank, and there's no way he would want to get one.

So I'm all excited, he loves a betta, he loves a betta! whoohoo!

Then he starts complaining on the way home (we did not buy him, but had a lovely debate over which betta was greener, that one or mine... obviously mine, that one was turquoise, but he forgot how green mine was)

On the way home, he started voicing just how much he dislikes Shisu. "Shisu hates me, he's afraid of me. I wish I didn't get him. I whould have waited longer" very frustrated.

So when we got home, I thought and thought and thought. He shouldn't have a betta he doesn't like, that's really not fair to him or the betta. But... what to do? So I started making suggestions.

I can try to find him a new home.
"no, no one would take him, our neighbors wouldn't want a betta or friends" so I suggested I divide one of my 5 gallons and let him share a tank with Soren until I do find a home.
"but that wouldn't be fair, they should have 5 each"

So I told him I would really like to find a solution so that he can get the betta he loves, and Shisu can be taken care of by someone who actually likes him. So then he starts going "forget it. I don't want any betta"
grrrrr "what do you mean? I thought you adored that dragon scale" "I do... but maybe I'll also dislike him if he doesn't have a similar personality to sushi" OH GREAT! come ooon!!!!!

me- "ok.... so what do you want? do you not even want a tank in the office?" "well... it doesnt do any good here... i don't even notice he exists half the time because he hides from me a lot"

".... but you really loved that dragon scale... but you don't want a betta... but you do... but you don't...."

"I don't care, it doesnt matter" men call women complicated!? Seriously!?

Ok.... I just stopped typing for like 10 minutes because he came in the room and I was talking to him very seriously about this.

We've reached a solution. Since his birthday is in 3 days, I told him that I would buy him a 5 gallon tank and the betta he is in love with as a birthday present, and was just very.... stern with the idea that this betta looks very different from Sushi and so he can't think of them as similar in any way or expect them to be.

We were going to get my daughter a 5 gallon tank and get her a fish anyway, so we're just going to speed up the process and let her take care of Shisu as her own. (or rather, help me take care of him)

What a head ache!!!!!! Isn't this so silly!?

Anyway, problem solved... but yeah... my hubby... he loves and hates animals at the same time, what's with this? I think his biggest problem is that he gets very very attached to certain pets and then is just disappointed with any pets after that. He still talks about the cat he had as a kid every time childhood kitties are brought up.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:04 PM   #2 
veggiegirl
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Oh dear what an ordeal!!
Sounds very complicated.....I can understand your husband getting so attached to sushi after all bettas are such sweeties with the best personalities but it is important that he remembers that all bettas are individuals and that there was only one Sushi but that does not mean that another betta will not be just as lovely as sushi.........only in a different way

Sounds like you had your work cut out for you finding a solution, hope all is well now
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:07 PM   #3 
Jexx
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Men! so silly! My husband fights me every step of the way on the pet front but I catch him admiring our 3 bettas when he thinks no one is looking. He even refers to them by name now and got excited with the name I chose for our newest. I don't understand why he can't just admit that he likes our bettas? Its like they think they will lose some sort of competition if they admit to it or they are proving some sort of point by not admitting. There must be some kind of hidden principle that we wives don't know about. They make everything so complicated!
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:12 PM   #4 
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I just read the whole thing and man seriously men say women are complicated lol. Love how you said that because it is so true! They think we are some weird alien who thinks so weird when really they are a strange creature themselves lol. My hubby better like bettas lol. He should be a fish tank builder!
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:19 PM   #5 
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My boyfriend does sorta the same thing. He was upset because I bought my first betta while he was at work, and he didn't want me to have him. But a week later and I catch him looking at my fish and holding up his phone to get him to flare (he really doesnt like cell phones)
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:32 PM   #6 
JadeAngel
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Now that we've found a solution, he seems a little excited about it. Since I didn't ask them to put the betta on hold, I am going first thing in the morning so I am there when they open to get it :)

I don't know what's with that, but you're all right. There's something about some men that I just don't get. It's like it's not manly to like a little tiny pet?

My daughter is excited that Shisu is officially "her betta" now. So when we finish renovating her room, he'll go in her room with her :)

Men are like a rubix cube... you have to have a special talent to figure the puzzle out ;) hehehe
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Old 04-08-2013, 04:31 AM   #7 
Fenghuang
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Your husband sounds like a five year old lol. A pet isn't irreplaceable. That is like a little kid's mentality. He has to accept that every animal is different and that they are going to have they own individual personalities. Once he does, he will start finding things to love about the new betta. But comparing new pets to old ones is just going to cause him grief and disappointment. Glad you found a solution. I hope your husband warms up to his new fishy.
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:19 PM   #8 
JadeAngel
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Originally Posted by Fenghuang View Post
Your husband sounds like a five year old lol. A pet isn't irreplaceable. That is like a little kid's mentality. He has to accept that every animal is different and that they are going to have they own individual personalities. Once he does, he will start finding things to love about the new betta. But comparing new pets to old ones is just going to cause him grief and disappointment. Glad you found a solution. I hope your husband warms up to his new fishy.
He was acting like one yesterdsay for sure

anyway, I went this morning to get the betta. I got there and couldn't find it and freaked like... oh gosh I missed it!!

But I found him, hiding in the corner in poor lighting. Brought him home, and my husband has taken a quick liking to him.

He is in a temporary 3/4 gallon bowl until his 5 gallon arrives, and he is really a lovely color too. My battery on my camera is dead, and I can't find the charger (which is getting annoying because I'm big on taking pics) but when I find it, I'll take photos of him to post
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:28 PM   #9 
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My fiance is the same exact way!

Ever since the walmart showdown in early Feb, he didn't like the two males that we brought home. He also fussed about my EE, and the two babies I rescued a while back.

The other night I caught him playing with Don Quixote, which was the ugliest and sickest of the rescues, and he hated him for a while because Donqui would just have a flare fest every time he'd sit at the desk. Now he talks to him, plays with him, Donqui HAS to be on the bedside of the bookshelf so Mike can see him.

He didn't like the ADF we brought home either, now he tries to talk to Pancake.
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Old 04-08-2013, 01:35 PM   #10 
shakeitsalome
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Originally Posted by JadeAngel View Post
... my hubby... he loves and hates animals at the same time, what's with this? I think his biggest problem is that he gets very very attached to certain pets and then is just disappointed with any pets after that. He still talks about the cat he had as a kid every time childhood kitties are brought up.
My husband is the same way! Mainly when it comes to the cats. He tries not to get attached because it's so upsetting when one passes. Since we've gotten our bettas I've noticed him hanging around the tanks checking them out. He tsked because Pinkie is in a small tank and announced he'll be buying a 5 gallon this week. Men.

So glad you got the boy though! Looking forward to pics.
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