I left my beloved Foosh with a neighbor who is very involved in the Arts and Theatre Scene in Calgary. I gave him strict instructions that Foosh got three pellets in the morning and three in the afternoon. When I got home, there was a "Journal" left on my kitchen table. Here is what it read:
Foosh's Journal - Daily Musings from March 21 to March 28 2009
Saturday, March 21
The Mundricks are apparently off for a week's worth of R&R which sounds to me like an extended dirty weekend. They tell me I will be "looked after" by some guy down the hall. Let's hope he's not a complete jerk.
Well, I met Mr. Moron-From-Down-The-Hall. I tried to explain to him that on Saturday nights I watch the hockey game with a beer and three times the allocated rations, especially when the Sharks are playing. He wouldn’t go for it. Claims Blabbermouth Don was quite specific about the rations.
Sunday, March 22
I tried to explain to Mr. Idiot-Boy-From-Apt-1220 that on Sundays, I get three times the rations, morning and evening to celebrate the Sabbath. No go. This guy is a real prize!
Monday, March 23
El-Stupido-From-Down-The-Hall is really getting on my nerves. I tried to explain to him that the start of the work week requires three times the normal rations. No dice. I thought Don was chintzy – and I was right – but this guy is dumb AND chintzy!
Tuesday, March 24
The indignity continues. Mr You’ll-Only-Get-What-Don-Says-You-Should-Get came by twice. Both times I tried to convince him to think independently – ignore the instructions from Don the Ungenerous – but he would not do it. What a schmuck!
Wednesday, March 25
Well, Mr. Grinch-Who-Stole-Christmas came by twice today. Right on schedule. I used very easy to understand words to explain to him that since we are exactly nine month until Christmas, I should get nine times the rations. No joy. I am really stating to hate this guy.
Thursday, March 26
Mr. No-Extra-Rations came by today, morning and evening. In between, the maid was here. She is nice enough, but she makes a lot of noise and what’s more, she gave me zilch. Is there no compassion in this world?
Friday, March 27
Different day – same ****. Twice Mr. Counts-The-Pellets-Exactly came by. Twice I told him he erred by giving me too little. Twice he ignored me.
Saturday, March 28
Hallelujah! Don is coming home today. Hopefully he will be really relaxed and forget how many pellets he usually feeds me. And no more Mr. Makes-Scrooge-Look-Like-Santa-Claus!