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Old 08-19-2013, 12:32 PM   #1 
VVONDER
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Unhappy Another 'Convincing My Parents' Thread...

I've been holding back on making a thread about convincing my mother to get a betta because I feel like they annoy people and might give them the wrong impression on me right off the bat, being my first post ever on this forum, but it needs to be done so here I am.

My 4 year old girl, Serenity, just passed about a month ago and I was really upset about it so my boyfriend won me a goldfish at one of those 'get the ball in the bowl and win a fish' booths but it turned out it was sick and, despite trying really hard to do everything I could, he died about a week after I got him. I think that Dr. Pepper's death made my mom, for whatever reason, dislike fish. I've always been able to get her to let me have fish all my life and she was going to let me get a betta before I got the goldfish (we even went to a local store to look at them). As we are moving (only 10 minutes away) she makes the argument that taking the fish to the new house will be a hassle and says she'll think about it once we move into the new house (in about 3 months or so). I already told her how I was going to bring the betta over (put it in a separate cup and dry out my tank) and I explained that I would pay for everything like always and that I already had left over supplies from Serenity so I wouldn't have to buy everything from scratch and I would buy it from a LPS. I think that the move is making my mom stressed as well and she doesn't want to care for another fish while I'm at my dad's house but I've even caught her in a great mood and she just gets upset, even though I try not to bug her too much about it. I've been really sad and lonely since my fishies died and I don't know if anyone could even help me with this but if you have any advice at all on what to tell her that would really help. If not, I guess I'll have to honor her decision and be sad for awhile until we get settled in to the new house and I can try to ask again.

Any advice to my predicament would be really helpful! :) Thank You!
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Old 08-19-2013, 02:00 PM   #2 
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I am very sorry that your fish died and that you are lonely. I understand completely. I lost three fish in the span of a month due to poor stock at Petsmart and it broke my heart. I almost gave up fish keeping even before I really began. I'm so glad I didn't give up though. I wonder if you asked your mom why it upsets her if that might shed some light on her feelings. Don't ask again just say something along the lines of "I know you said no to me earlier and I respect your decision but you seem very upset and I want to understand why you are upset" That may or may not (depending on her mood and reasons) open the floor up for you to really understand why she feels the way she feels and will perhaps give you a chance to express your own feelings without pressuring her out of her own reasons for saying no. Sometimes people are very hard to read and understand but once you know the meaning behind their actions it can be a little bit easier to accept their decision or sit down and discuss other alternatives that will respect both parties thoughts and feelings. Best of luck to you.

Kittie
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Old 08-19-2013, 02:06 PM   #3 
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Maybe it's a bit easier for me since I'm 24, but I just went out and got my fish. And my mom just sort of washed her hands of it and gave me crap for leaving a mess in the bathroom when cleaning the tank. But when the fish got here, she loved him. I don't recommend that for everybody, especially since your mom will have to take care of your fish when you're at your dad's house. It's highly likely that the move is totally stressing her out, so you may just have to wait till after the move.

But assuming you really don't want to wait, I might write her a letter explaining why you want a new fish, what you like about having a fish, and telling her that you've been feeling sad and lonely. When you're a teenager, hell, even when you're my age, your parents might tend to think that you're just being dramatic. But if you take the time to sit down and write her a well put together letter/essay, without things getting super emotional, it might work. Just make sure you make it all about the positives and how you feel like you have a companion in your fish and you miss having that in your life. Stuff like that. And make sure it's all true, no extra fluff. Parents can see straight through that.

Other than that, if none of that works, I say wait till after you move. Because the problem probably isn't the fish. It's probably the stress with the idea of one more thing your mom has to do, and the stress is presenting this way.
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Old 08-19-2013, 04:31 PM   #4 
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Thank you guys so much for the advice! I'm going to try using this advice and hope that she understands how I feel. You both have really really great ideas and make me feel welcome to be part of this site! Thank you so so much! :)
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Old 08-19-2013, 04:35 PM   #5 
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Oh and I'm so sorry about your three fish Kittie! It's heartbreaking when you lose a friend, let alone three.
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Old 08-19-2013, 04:57 PM   #6 
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I'm happy to help. My mom was resistant because I gave away our two goldfish that we'd had for 7 years because I found out that the tank we were keeping them in (first a 4 gallon, then a 5 gallon) was inhumanely small. So since we didn't want to invest in a bigger tank and didn't have the room for a 20 gallon tank anyways, I found a new home for our fish. It was hard to let them go, and my mom told me that if I got rid of those fish she wouldn't pay a cent for another one. So I paid for everything myself to get a betta from a breeder and everything. She just kinda let me do it, and got on board after the fact because he was so small and pretty.
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Old 08-19-2013, 05:49 PM   #7 
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I'm glad we could make you feel welcome. This is a pretty awesome community if you ask me
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Old 08-19-2013, 11:27 PM   #8 
VVONDER
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This is definitely a great and helpful community! Everyone seems so nice! I incorporated both of these ideas and sat down and had a chat with my mom and she said she'd think overnight about it so you guys must have some strong magic because I thought she wouldn't budge. Hopefully if all goes well I'll be posting pictures of my lovely new family member by next week. I can't say thank you enough!
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Old 08-21-2013, 12:38 AM   #9 
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Fingers crossed! Let us know what happens!
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Old 08-21-2013, 07:58 PM   #10 
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She gave me a glare and a sigh and told me, "It's fine, but I don't want to see it." I am so excited! Yay! I have to wait two weekends and then I go to find a pretty HM at the local store! This is exciting! I think I'll buy a new 10 gallon, a few more silk plants, and something else pretty to celebrate! Today has been a good day.
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