I have decided to start a journal here to put all my thoughts and feelings in one place, instead of in a bunch of random threads cluttering the forum. In the past I have attempted to start a journal (on paper and the computer) multiple times and failed miserably, so we'll see how this goes.
For the readers (if there are any), I would ask that you please keep comments polite and respectful, as it would help me tremendously to have a place where I feel like I can be honest in expressing myself. I don't know how "deep" things are going to get here, but if I end up sharing some of the serious things going on with me (as some of you got a glimpse of in one of my threads) I would appreciate your understanding.
Now, without further ado, here is my life in posts on a fish forum...
All I really have to say today I already posted on Facebook, so here you go:
"Accomplishment for the day: Took V (my dog) out for a walk. Although with him it's more like a period of time spent outside in order to stop and sniff something every two feet in a linear fashion."
I wish my dog would stop every now and then, mine's a constant puller, and when he does finally walk nicely, it's only for a few seconds >.<. I always enjoy taking mine for a walk though, or at least try to lol.
Haha, sometimes I wish he would do that! He's only fourteen pounds, so it's not like he'd be hard to handle. :P
Well, today is going to be a difficult day. I am switching my daughter to formula for her health as well as my own. It won't be difficult because she doesn't like it, and in fact she never even reacted the first time she had it. It will be difficult because in a way I feel like I am failing her. "Breast is best!" is something you hear all the time because, well, it's true. But when does that fact become secondary to something else? When is something more important than giving your child breastmilk? I had to decide for myself what I thought the answer was, and I think I came to the right conclusion. A mother being able to take care of her child is more important than that child getting breastmilk. In my case, this means that I am switching to formula for two reasons: One, my depression has become so severe that I am only capable of caring for my daughter for a few hours a day, and then my brother comes and takes her with him until my husband gets off work. During that time, she gets formula, and when she is home she gets breastmilk, which is not agreeing with her stomach. Switching back and forth like that is upsetting her tummy, and is probably not good for her digestion system, especially since this will have to continue for at least another month. Reason two, I am going to have to take a very strong antidepressant to make any progress, and those aren't safe while breastfeeding. There are medications that are safe, but I have either tried them before or they aren't strong enough. This decision took me a long time, but in the end I would rather be alive and healthy enough to take care of my daughter than be able to say I breastfeed her while I become less able to function, and end up in an irreversible situation. I still feel guilty, and probably will for a while, but it is my responsibility to do what is best for my child, and this (I hope) is doing exactly that.
I think you are making a good choice, honestly. I have a friend who wasn't able to breastfeed because for some reason she was giving the baby colic (I am pretty sure it was colic, something dangerous for babies.) You are starting on formula somewhere down the line, not from the beginning, so I'm sure she has gotten a lot of the benefits already. Who am I to judge your choices, but I think you made the right one.
My young dog pulls and my old one lags, if I take them both out I end up walking sideways. :p Off leash in the woods is the only way to do it. xD
Thank you, it really means a lot to me that you understand where I'm coming from and agree with the decision I made. This was very tough for me to do, and I still don't like that this is where things ended up, but I do feel that this is one of those times where the right thing and what you want aren't necessarily the same.
Hahaha! I am totally picturing someone walking their dogs with one arm way out in front of them and the other behind. But hey, if you can have them off leash go for it! My dog goes NUTS when he gets to do that.
Hey, LinkLover. Don't know if this means anything to you, but neither my brother nor I were breastfed a day of our lives and I would like think we developed fine. Being able to be there for your daughter physically and emotionally is imo the most important thing, so in my mind, you make the right decision. :)
Yes, it means quite a bit to me. I know that as a parent, I'm the only one who really can decide what's best for my child, but to hear others say that they feel like I'm doing the right thing makes this so much easier for me. Although my chest area isn't exactly thrilled with the whole thing right now... Hahahaha.
I kind of want to share a picture of my daughter, just so everyone can experience her cuteness, but I get nervous posting stuff online. Granted, I do post her pictures on Facebook, but I know the people that are seeing them. Meh, maybe I'm just being overly worried, as I always seem to be.
Now I'm going to deviate from what I imagine will be my usual topic (my daughter), to get something off my chest that has been bugging me for a while. About a month ago ish, both of my African Dwarf Frogs died on the same day. They had been acting funny, and at the end I suspected it was dropsy. So one night, my bigger, lighter frog Tommy was sitting in the upper left back corner of the tank, where he'd been all day. I looked at where he was and thought that there was a chance he could get out, since there was a teeny opening in the lid. But then I thought that since he'd been sitting there all day, was bloated and probably not feeling well, that there was no way he would do that. So, being an idiot, I didn't change anything and went to bed. That morning and woke up and couldn't find him in the tank, so I assumed he was in the cave in the back and I just wasn't able to see him. When my husband got home I had him take out the cave, and Tommy wasn't there. My husband literally took apart the whole tank, and he was still nowhere to be found. We looked behind the tank stand, under the couch, all along the floor, lifting up and shaking out every possible thing we could think of to look in/under/behind. Well, we never found him. I feel SO guilty. If I had just listened to my first instinct and covered that hole, we would at least be able to bury him. Cricket (the other frog) died that night in the tank, so I assume Tommy would have died anyway, but just not knowing where he is or what exactly happened has been bothering me every day since. I know I can't, but I wish I could go back and change things.
Rest in peace, where ever you are.
On a side note, for any of you wondering about my "Done with pets...?" thread, I had it deleted because I felt I had gone into dangerous territory during one of my bad moments, and I was afraid someone would eventually say something that would very seriously upset me. I didn't want that to happen, so I started over in this journal in order to be more careful about what I say, but also to warn people ahead of time that there might be some intense topics brought up. Hence the request to "please keep comments polite and respectful" in the first post.