I feel you guys' pain. I'm paler than should be legal and burn a lot. So the one time I decided to try and take up tanning (didn't last long, thank God) all that happened was I burned and then turned pink... >.>
But! My ranting is beginning to resolve itself! I got a call from Nielsen today. I couldn't pick up, so I'll be calling back to schedule the interview tomorrow. It's a night job, so if I get it, I might be Australia's newest telemarketer. Bwahahaha. :o
I'm just completely not myself today. It started when Severus died this morning. I got so upset that I couldn't go to my first class. That's not me. I usually have better self control than that and can move on instead of sitting and crying for an hour. Then in practicum it happened again! We were peer teaching today and I was nervous as anything. My teacher asked me to sing the song for the class again because a few pitches fell a little flat the first time. She prefaced it by saying she knew I prepared the song and she knew I knew it and she just wanted to hear it again. I get all flustered and almost start crying. She notices she completely threw me off and tried to calm me down and then I just broke down crying in front of the class. I had to sit down without doing my lesson because I just couldn't get myself under control. And I DON'T cry in front of other people. I can almost always AT LEAST control myself long enough to not cry until I'm alone. And she wasn't even criticizing me! She just asked me to do it again and I couldn't even handle that. It was completely ridiculous! And even after I sat down she told me that she knew it was just nerves getting the best of me and that she KNEW I was prepared for my lesson and I just couldn't stop crying. She sang the song with me and I ended up having to teach the song from my seat with her singing with me, crying the entire time.
I'm just so frustrated. This ISN'T me! I don't get weepy. If anything, my eyes get watery and I get quiet and avoid talking. I DON'T just break down like this! ESPECIALLY not in front of a group and DOUBLY SO when there's a teacher in that group. I'm just being so stupid and I hate it. I was able to get through my last two classes of the day pretty much without incident, though I nearly started crying during women's ensemble for NO APPARENT REASON.
This is my first meltdown in a while, but I NEVER do things like this in front of people! I didn't even cry when I was talking to my voice teacher about how my parents told me I'd never be good enough and should just give up pursuing my major. I didn't cry until I was alone in my car when my lesson right before juries was a disaster. I don't know why I suddenly can't get myself under control.
I'm not an Aussie, I'm a Brit! I'm paler than your standard paper and I sunburn to the colour of a British postbox within seconds! :( And muggy, stormy 30 degree weather is nothing to be jealous of. :(
*sits in corner and feels sorry for poor sunburnt self*
My mistake! I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were a Brit. *hugs* You are right, sunburns are nothing to laugh at. I'm sorry if you thought I was making fun of you. Forgive me? I should have been more sensitive. My brother sunburns just like you and since my dad's side of the family has a history of skin cancer/problems, he has to be very careful. My aunt actually died of skin cancer. I wasn't thinking. If you read my posts a lot, you'll notice thinking isn't one of my best occupations. :P
Erin, I'm glad you were able to have a good talk with your father about things. Hopefully in time your father will understand that the decision to not enter the air force was a good one. Indeed, even if you had pursued it further they might have declined you because of your condition.
Back story: My brother's girlfriend has been living in our house for half a year. In that time my parents have worked hard at making her feel welcome at my expense. They constantly give her more consideration than me. Even before she moved in I asked if I could have a family only birthday since I only met her once and was uncomfortable around her and I spent my 21st birthday getting yelled at by my mom and brother for being an awful person. This is the brother who told me he likes to make me cry and that's not even the worst of it. My mom tells me to get over all the hurtful things he says and act happy around him because its in the past and doesn't matter. Since the gf's moved in things have gone down hill. My mom yells at me for staying in my room because that means I'm not being welcoming enough. Everyone else is allowed to spend their time in their own rooms though. I constantly get yelled for almost everything I do. They don't get in trouble for anything even underage drinking and drugs though. They even turned my desk into an ash tray and broke my bed, table, and chair while I was at college but my mom doesn't care.
I've told my mom on multiple occasions that the girlfriend is mean to me but my mom brushes it off and says either I'm overreacting or lying. My mom likes her more than me. I can't even take the family car to go look for jobs because the gf gets to take it to go do whatever she wants even though its not hers. Today the girlfriend was eavesdropping on a conversation I was having an came downstairs into my room to yell at me. Afterwards she took my new kittens and locked them in their room. I had my brother ask if they were in their and they said no. When I wouldn't leave until I found them she said in a rude tone they were under the bed and she didn't know so she didn't lie. I told my mom all of this and my mom said "I can understand why she did this to you since you're so mean to her." When I asked her to clarify it turns out that by not going out of my way to talk to someone who doesn't even make any attempt to talk to me or even be nice to me is incredibly mean on my part.
Sorry I just had to rant. It's really upsetting to me that I can't do anything right in my mom's eyes and that she likes my brother's girlfriend more than me. Now she's justifying them treating me like crap. I wish I could move out but I can't afford to. Right now I'm just trying to avoid everyone.
Gosh hedgehog, I'm so sorry. *hugs* I don't know what to say except that really really sucks. It sounds like girlyfriend there is mooching and no one can see it. I mean, getting to borrow the family car? Why can't she get a car of her own? If she's living with you guys, she ought to be paying rent or something, girlfriend or not.
What happens if you actually try to talk to the girlfriend? And really, she shouldn't be allowed to touch your kittens. They're yours, not hers.
:( I hope your situation improves soon and you are able to move out. The sooner you can put some distance between you and your family, the better.
Thanks Sakura. It's been really rough. She's definitely mooching off my parents. She lives here rent free, doesn't pay for gas or food, my parents give her and my brother at least $30 a week for a date night. She has a job and spends all the money as she gets it. Last week she bought a new deluxe version of a video game.
I don't to talk to her. I had no desire to talk to her before hand. I don't care if she's dating my jerk of a brother she's a person I would have no desire to associate with. I would prefer not to hang out with former possibly current drug dealers. If she would talk to me first I would be polite. Now all she does is snap at me. My mom thinks I'm being the mean one though so I deserve what I get.
I got yelled at by my mom today because I said again I don't want the kittens going in their room. One of them is semiferal and afraid of people so he crawls into tight spaces and won't come out. Last time he followed the nice kitten in and got scared and crawled into their mattress and wouldn't come out. When I offered to get him out she snapped at me but again my mom said I was being the rude one and deserved it. It frustrates me because I paid so much to rescue these kittens and they try to lock them in their room. The girlfriend even kept calling Bear by a different ridiculous name after I twice asked her not to since he was in the critical point where he almost knew his name was Bear. My mom said well Bear's the family cat they can call him whatever they want. Sure they can call him "Thunder Johnson" when they pay me the $400 for the kittens and start feeding them and cleaning their litter box.
The worst part is that I had a really great relationship with my mom before all of this. Then I left for college and my brother started acting up and they just let him do whatever they want. He spent an entire summer telling me to kill myself and doing illegal things. My mom told me to grow up and move on. I just don't really understand why I'm being treated like this but I'm just tired of it. I've kind of given up on my family now and I really can't wait to move out. Unfortunately I have student loans to pay, I can't seem to find a job yet, and I still want to apply to vet school next year. With all that I won't be able to move out for a long while.
Thanks for letting me rant Sakura. I see you on other threads and you're always so nice. Maybe I'll have to venture into the coffeehouse chat and make some new friends.
Hedgehog, I'm so sorry about all you're going through. Telling you to kill yourself?? What a total jerk! Do you think your mom might be afraid of yiour brother and that's why she let's them get away with stuff?