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Old 06-03-2012, 10:08 AM   #13281 
AngesRadieux
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I can't stand my sister's boyfriend. I just want to scream.
He's always around. During the school year, I lived near campus and came home on weekends. Guess who was always there whenever I was home? Her stupid boyfriend. If he wasn't there, I had a WTF moment. And then I couldn't get anything done on weekends. I was in a music program. A key part of my homework was practicing. But I didn't feel comfortable singing or playing the piano when he was in the house. Don't you think it's natural for me to resent someone who was in my home more than I was and who made me feel uncomfortable doing my homework when I was home? It's not like the resentment came out of nowhere! At first, I was fine. But then when he was always there and I stopped spending time with my sister because she was always with him instead, and the few times she deigned to notice me she just jabbered about him or was texting him constantly, was I supposed to embrace him with open arms?

Now that it's summer, I figured things would be better. I'm home all the time now, except for when I'm at work. So I have more time to spend with my sister. Did that matter? Nope. She's still always with her boyfriend. I can't even tell you how many times she's just blown me off to be with him. But he didn't go to college and she commuted! They were both here all year. So how is it right that I'm the one being pushed aside when she's gone months barely spending any time with me at all? And then she wonders why I feel second best and resent him!

And she ALWAYS puts him first. The day after I found out my program didn't want me coming back, did she care to see if I was okay? Nope! She brings her boyfriend to the house before I'm even up and dressed in the morning. One, he had no business being there when I was so vulnerable and upset. She may like him, but I don't trust him enough to feel comfortable around him when I'm going through an emotional crisis and bawling my eyes out. So when I make it clear that I don't want him there, does she ask him to leave and come back later? Nope. She leaves with him, leaving me all alone to curl up in a ball and cry, and then she buys a card for our dad's birthday with him instead of me. All the while, did I get so much as an "are you alright" from her all day? No, she just got mad at me for not wanting her stupid boyfriend around.

And now my parents get mad at me for feeling intruded upon and being hostile when he's always around. HEAVEN FORBID I get irritated when he's there! I've gotten lectures about how it's wrong for me to not like him because my sister really likes him and he's not a bad person, etc. Who CARES if my sister leaves me alone bawling my eyes out to go be with him? Let's just forget the fact that there was almost an entire week where I couldn't go a day without crying, and she consistently ditched me for him!

I feel like he's more at home in my house than I am! And when I mention that? Everyone tells me I'm just not the easiest person to talk to, so naturally she'd rather spend time with him than me. Does it MATTER that I'm irritable and emotional because my school decided to drop me after putting me in therapy and treating me so badly that I had to go on anxiety medication to get through final exams? NOPE! I just get yelled at for being prickly. Why should ANYONE in my family want to be there for me if I'm not making it EASY for them?

Even today, my sister comes into my bedroom as soon as I wake up to tell me that my mom invited her STUPID BOYFRIEND to our cousins' 50th birthday party and then starts snapping at me, demanding to know if I'll be hostile if he comes. WHY? He's not family. This is a FAMILY gathering! I tell her he can come so I don't get yelled at by her and my parents for not wanting him there, but that's not enough. She keeps after me, demanding if I'll be hostile, even though I said he can come. WHY? I said he can come! Do I REALLY have to LIKE it, though? And honestly? I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. And now I'm bawling my eyes out because I feel replaced and like my feelings are being shoved aside in favor of him, and no one cares.

But, you know what? I live here. He doesn't. This is MY family. So why can't they think about ME for ONCE? The only GOOD thing about this stupid birthday party was going to be that I wouldn't have to worry about HIM intruding.

Oh! And now my dad also started complaining about my fish tanks. My betta tanks are in a small room in the house that basically no one except me ever goes in and my 10 gallon dwarf puffer tank is in my bedroom. Another room basically no one but me goes in. I don't ask him to feed them or change the water, he doesn't even have to LOOK at them! But now he's complaining that my three bettas, in a little room we don't use for ANYTHING other than storing books and stuff or putting things that we want to stay out of sight when my little cousins are over, are taking up too much room. Then he carries on about how I should just get one tank and keep fish where I can have more than one of them in a tank.

But, you know what? For all the time I spend crying, the silly fish do more to make me happy than anyone in my family is right now. And I paid for the tanks and the fish. So they're not going anywhere. But, really? It's okay for me to feel displaced and second best to my sister's boyfriend, it's wrong for me to resent him for it, it's not okay for me to be emotional and prickly when I'm going through an emotional crisis, and now he's telling me even my fish--the fish he doesn't even have to look at--are taking up too much space?

And it's not like I have a million of them! I have three bettas and one dwarf puffer. They don't have gigantic tanks. I have a 2.5 gallon, a 3 gallon, and a 5.5 gallon downstairs for the bettas and a 10 gallon in my bedroom for the dwarf puffer. Tanks that size are pretty dang easy to ignore, anyway! It's not like I have a 100 gallon tank out in the middle of the living room where everyone has to look at it! Though, I had been thinking about asking for a large tank for my birthday because there's a kind of fish I'd like, but I'd need a big tank for them. But I guess if my little tanks that he doesn't even have to see if he doesn't want to offend him the big tank I'd been planning for isn't going to happen...
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Old 06-03-2012, 10:33 AM   #13282 
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I highly doubt a 2.5, a 3 and a 5.5 take up space. I have two tanks on a small computer table AND my computer

Ugh I know about the "intrusion" part. I became pretty hostile towards my ex-roomie's sister being in my house. ALWAYS in my house. And she SNOOPED through my room too, so I had to get a lock on my door, since my trust level starts from 10 then plummeted to 0. I also became more hostile towards "Meranda" girl being in my house when I wasn't home, but that also sides with the "threat" considering I live with my boyfriend and they are close friends I dislike people, mostly, and especially people I just cannot find the ability to trust or just don't like them, and when they come in my house I tend to slink off to a room.


p.s. Your died would die seeing my house. A room full of fish tanks, and upstairs too x)

rant: been feeling "off". My moods been "BLAAARG!!!" I've been getting headaches and overheated and light headed...
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:26 AM   #13283 
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I can't win! I SAID her stupid boyfriend can come. But apparently that's not good enough. Now she's mad at me because he won't come because he knows I don't like him. You KNOW WHAT? That isn't going to change! And I'm so SICK of people getting angry at me for not liking him! News flash! That isn't endearing him to me at all! I SAID he can come, and that's the MOST they're getting out of me. If that's not good enough, TOUGH! I'm not going to join his adoring fan club and coax him into coming.

And now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around EVERYONE because if they find out that he's not coming because I don't like him I'll get a whole TON more lectures about how it's WRONG for me to not like him, as if I can't have my own opinion. I feel like such an outsider in MY OWN FAMILY because they all care about this idiot more than me. And a while ago my mom pulled the whole "I know why you don't like him, but you need to accept him" bit. Yeah? I HOPE you don't get it. Because if you DO understand that I feel replaced by him, WHY AREN'T YOU DOING ANYTHING? The fact that you aren't only makes me feel MORE like I'm being replaced and he's more important than me.

And my sister pulled the whole "I'll think about seeing him less if you give me a good reason you don't like him". Really, now? I need a GOOD REASON to not like someone? And who gets to decide if my reason's good, anyway? When I TOLD her I feel replaced, she just laughed it off as me being ridiculous! It certainly doesn't FEEL ridiculous when I'm sitting in my room crying my eyes out all morning.

Why am I never good enough?
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Old 06-03-2012, 11:29 AM   #13284 
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BTW if he won't come because YOU don't like HIM, there's something wrong he's not YOUR boyfriend, he's hers, and no matter what someone thinks of their sibling's boyfriend or girlfriend, they have to accept their existence - doesn't meant they have to like them went through this with my twin.


How old are you and your sister?! Trust me, I LIVE with my boyfriend, and yeah maybe at first we were around each other a lot but now, we'd rather be with each other now and then, because it's rather unhealthy to be around someone 24/7 and can lead to so many problems.
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Old 06-03-2012, 12:49 PM   #13285 
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Agnes, it doesn't matter, they have made you their scapegoat. So the hell with them. I had to teach my parents my feelings count, I turned cold blooded on them and gave them the same. I treated them like their feelings were laughable and meaningless. Like the whole damn world revolved around me. It took some time and a bit of grief but they got message, especially when I refused to go to any and all family gatherings. It killed me being so cruel but it was all necissary.

But even so my bother is still the "crown prince", still the first born. He's done nearly every terrible thing short of murder (incuding a nearly non stop torment of me, even when I was at my lowest he still did and they thought it was funny) and they love him for it. He gave them a grandchild. So I am permanently in his shadow!

Never mind the amazing things I've done against all odds. I beat ocd (usually a lifelong struggle), I lost 200 lbs, and am pretty intelligent. But no it's all about him, his life, his world, and I'm supposed to sit there and take it!

I don't know I may be exagerating things a bit but there have been time when I felt this way, feeling like they have betrayed me.
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Old 06-03-2012, 12:53 PM   #13286 
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"Never mind the amazing things I've done against all odds. I beat ocd (usually a lifelong struggle), I lost 200 lbs, and am pretty intelligent. But no it's all about him, his life, his world, and I'm supposed to sit there and take it!"

Yeah, my mom is the same. She has grandkids - she could care less if I have kids. I don't have a diploma so apparently I'm worthless (ahh screw them I'm PRICEless =D), and eventually it came to a point where even her mother, my nana, told me "stop trying."

Some parents are just like that. Just stop trying to please THEM. Please yourself. Heck, you love hockey? join a team. Want to go to the city more often? save up for a car and get your license. LOVE your art? go to art shows, join them, contests and all! That's what I've been doing I have a dog. She doesn't like that. I love my fish. She doesn't like that. I have a tattoo. She doesn't like that. Do I care? not really. She spreads lies about me, and I end up laughing.
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Old 06-03-2012, 02:06 PM   #13287 
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Parents can be a pain in the hind end. I've always felt inferior to my brothers because they did so much better in school and were honor society, blah blah blah. Both had great jobs and I'm disabled. I did go to college for 6 years because I change my major and I got made fun of for that. They compared me to a cousin who was like 6 hours from getting a degree and never finished. That burned me up because this cousin is nothing but a drunk.
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Old 06-03-2012, 02:51 PM   #13288 
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Ha my mom tried to USE me as a way for her to look superior. Her and my uncle want to act like they have the best kid, so they pinned us against each other. 1. we're completely different - different skills, desires and hobbies "who gets their car first" and "who gets their diploma first" and "who goes to college first" eventually I put it down as I refuse to play that "game."


People say one day I'll thank my mom for how she treated me. I say otherwise.
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Old 06-03-2012, 03:54 PM   #13289 
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I feel so fortunate that my parents never treated me any different than my siblings. We had the same rules and my parents showed no favoritism. My hubby has that problem still. He has three brothers and one sister. His baby sister is still the princess. She even got top billing on his moms wedding invite. The oldest child is supposed to get top billing down to the youngest. He takes it as a compliment. He says "well she may be the fav but at least I can survive on my own." Man I am glad I only have one sister and one brother for that matter. Hubby has one sister, three brothers, a step-brother and a step-sister. I would pull my hair out if I had that many xD
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:07 PM   #13290 
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My sister and I are both 19. Her boyfriend's 22. The ENTIRE party they were texting stupid things like "I miss you" back and forth. Never mind that it's been less than 24 hours since they last saw each other. And I was told it's ridiculous that I'm not giving any more of a concession than "he can come". My opinion of him isn't going to change. But then my sister complained that he's just been nothing but nice and I have no good reason to not like him. It just drives me NUTS!

Oh! And I had a lovely surprise when I went to work today. In like October, there was this guy I met in Starbucks. We talked about music and it was hands down one of the greatest conversations I've had while home. We went our separate ways and I didn't think I'd ever see him again. Lo and behold, I go to work and I see him there! Turns out that he's taking piano lessons at the store I teach at. So I work up the courage to talk to him, and it turns out he remembered me, too. So I ask if he wants to exchange phone numbers or something. Turns out he's gay and taken. -.- I'm still glad I ran into him again because I'm hoping we can hang out a bit and be friends, because he seems super nice and he's into singing classical music, though. But it was just like, really? I feel like someone's having a good, hard laugh at my expense.
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