I don't want to bother anyone, but I just need to lay my thoughts out somewhere...
I cannot shake my depression. I can't shake the constant suffocating thoughts telling me I'm nothing, that I will always be a failure, that I will never amount to anything, that no one would care if I was no longer here. It doesn't matter that I have good grades or that I have been accepted by one of the most presitigious universities in this country. I feel pathetic, worthless, paranoid, anxious, and oh so terribly lonely. I do not really have friends; people in general scare me. My family make it worse, they treat me like an embarrassment and make me feel like I should be ashamed of myself. The only person that makes me even remotely okay is currently over a thousand miles away. On most days, I don't even want to get out of bed. I am so afraid I will never be happy. I don't want to live like this. I can barely function because of my anxiety and my stupid moods. My entire existence seems so pointless.
Please don't feel like you are bothering anyone on here. You would be surprised at how many of us know exactly how you feel. I have had anxiety, depression and social anxieties for years and it is really hard. I have been in therapy and being treated by a Psychiatrist off and on since I was fifteen (about 11 years). The best thing I can recommend for you is to try and talk to a therapist. It can be scary at first but once you realize they are there to help and not judge you could benefit from it. I had people in my family too that were horrible about my issues saying I only pretended to feel the way I feel for attention and that created rage inside of me on top of everything else. It does get better though. You have to basically, retrain your brain to think of good things rather than bad. I know it sounds impossible but it is. It's a battle to get control of your mind back but you can do it.
Therapy is not something I am privileged to at this current time, as I am still in high school and dependent on my parents who rather pretend to be ignorant. But thank you for listening. I really appreciate that. And needed that.
Just saw your post about not being able to see a therapist.
There are plenty of people on here you can use as a therapist. I know a few including myself who could BE therapists
My rant-Getting anxious about University. Only have six weeks to go! I am so glad I get a break soon.
I need to get ready to start studying after my cat's vet appt.. ughhhh! MY LIFEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! -fall over- :P
lol, I feel your pain about being your own therapist. But sometimes it can be better than a real one. I had to switch because mine accused me of lieing about my life so I could feel better about myself -_- yea, I was not happy...
I thought you were allowed to feel better about yourself at the therapist, by expressing yourself freely without judgement.. but yea, lying?? where'd they get that??
I still feel like I need someone to at least help me sort out some things like BF issues, and help me figure out a way to jumpstart my in-the-near-future life a little quicker.
Too bad BF will refuse till his dying days to go to a talking person with me, which might be somewhat destructive in the short term, but if he had an open mind to it, it could be really helpful for us to learn how to communicate better when our brains shut down. I, unfortunately, have to be OUR therapist, to fix these issues...yeesh..
I thought you were allowed to feel better about yourself at the therapist, by expressing yourself freely without judgement.. but yea, lying?? where'd they get that??
I still feel like I need someone to at least help me sort out some things like BF issues, and help me figure out a way to jumpstart my in-the-near-future life a little quicker.
Too bad BF will refuse till his dying days to go to a talking person with me, which might be somewhat destructive in the short term, but if he had an open mind to it, it could be really helpful for us to learn how to communicate better when our brains shut down. I, unfortunately, have to be OUR therapist, to fix these issues...yeesh..
I was fifteen. Apparently she found it far fetched that I dated and dumped a boy that was a model and that his mother was a playboy bunny and I felt cut down by them both. and she told me I was lieing about being a model for Cheerios when I was five. I modeled on the runway and had to go down to the end and say their phrase in front of investors. We were trying to get to the route of my social anxiety but all she did was tell me she thought I was telling lies. They weren't lies that's for sure. My mom made me do things like the cheerios thing and singing in front of my church to try and help me and all it seemed to do was make me crawl in to myself. I don't blame her for it because she had a sound theory there by helping me with exposure but it backfired with me for some reason. My brother was a cheerios model too and he is out and open and friendly. I come off as mysterious and mad in crowds.
Also, it's pretty normal for men to reject therapy. Most men don't like talking about their feelings at all let alone with a stranger. My husband won't go either.
Last edited by Shirleythebetta; 02-04-2013 at 10:04 AM.
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I don't want "everything", I was specifics.
He gives that exact answer too.
