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Old 02-13-2013, 05:32 PM   #16561 
Shirleythebetta
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Originally Posted by SnowySurface View Post
Maybe it's one of those things I'll understand if/when I have kids of my own. But as an outsider looking in, I don't see why a parent shouldn't expect others to help with raising a child. Don't older generations pine for the days when the village raised a kid?
The original rant was mine so maybe I can explain it from my point of view. My in-laws expect me an my husband to give up our own desires and watch this child on our days off and when they want to go to bars or whatever. They want us to take time out of our lives to watch this child while THEY work and advance in their careers. I am a student. I have my own career and my own life and I won't be giving up all of my time with my husband to take care of this child. I didn't bring it in to the world and it is their responsibility to take care of it not mine. I am following my own dreams and I do not feel I should be responsible to take care of a kid when I didn't have it, I didn't ask for it to be here, and again, I didn't have it.

I don't mind being an Aunt and watching the child occasionally but is it fair that I have to give up my free time to watch this child when I didn't think it was wise for her to get pregnant in the first place? nope. Being a parent in this day and age means you are responsible for it, no one else. It is not the responsibilty of everyone to raise your kid because it was your choice to have it. In the "village" days this was a more legit way of raising kids because they lived in a different time/area. They had different things to worry about and it took the entire village to keep an eye on little ones for mere survival. Not to mention that children were constantly born to couples, no birth control. That being said, that means again that parents are more responsible now because it is their choice and their choice alone to have the child. I hope this helps you see another side to this situation. It just doesn't feel fair to have a child pushed in your face simply because you are related and somehow obligated to it.

Last edited by Shirleythebetta; 02-13-2013 at 05:37 PM.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:46 PM   #16562 
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A few years back we had a girl on my drama team who had 2 kids that she used to bring to rehearsal. The youngest one was 3 or so and talk about a big crybaby! OMG she was ALWAYS interrupting and crying about something. I think she just wanted attention. Other people brought their kids and they were all over the place and it always looked like a daycare center in our rehearsal area. We had a kid rolling all over our stage and it's a wonder someone didn't trip over her. IMO those people either should have left the kids with a babyditter or just not have participated. Those kids darn near gave me a nervous breakdown.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:55 PM   #16563 
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Yep, when you have kids that is what you life becomes about. That's why I am on the fence about having any.

rant-work is chaotic already and I haven't even started. I was supposed to go and fill out paperwork today but the manager didn't call me in to do it. They are freaking out because the main manager got transfered in a matter of hours and they don't know what they are doing. I hope they can still start me saturday.
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Old 02-13-2013, 05:57 PM   #16564 
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So. My grandma saw a letter on the kitchen counter adressed to me, already opened, (but it was put back in the envelope) and helped herself to looking through it. Then angrily questioned me about my "outstanding balance" as she then told me that I was "spending too much money on those fish". UGH. I have been EXTREMELY depressed as of late. As in, suicidal thoughts level, and "those fish" are the only things keeping me from it because they're cute and love me and don't say mean things and they rely on me. I'm sorry about being so open with this, but I feel so betrayed. A sense of privacy, whatever was left, is now completely gone. Not to mention that she put down the only thing that is keeping me going right now.

And my anatomy professor is being a complete jerk. Every time he hands back tests he always says that we should be doing better. So as if being told you're not doing good enough at home isn't enough, now we have to add in a college professor, as if it's even his place.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:08 PM   #16565 
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About watching kids: You want to, you say yes. You don't want to, say no. People can expect whatever they want from you, but ultimately you make the decision if you're going to do it or not. I have two kids, and I hate asking others (related or not) to watch them. However, my marriage has suffered as a result, and I'm a lot more fried now than if I had help. If you can help someone out sometimes by watching thier children with no real loss to your life, that's so nice to do. If it's gonna make you resentful or if you feel you are being taken advantage of, please say no!


Rant: I had a REALLY BAD experience purchasing some nerites off of a guy on aquabid. His communication was terrible, and the snails arrived frozen (dead). He didn't use a strong enough heat pack. I waited a week for him to answer my emails and try to work it out. When I heard nothing, I left neg. feedback. Now he is spitting pissed at me, calling me a liar and saying he did contact me within a week (no he didn't). I'm upset...I hate it when people get mad at me and call me a liar. I wasn't even rude to this guy, but the snails did arrive dead and I know why. Now I feel cruddy about myself. Even people who are obviously wrong make me feel bad about myself. And I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to use aquabid again because of his feedback to me, if he can do that or not. It was only my second purchase on there!! Sigh.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:15 PM   #16566 
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Originally Posted by Hadoken Kitty View Post
So. My grandma saw a letter on the kitchen counter adressed to me, already opened, (but it was put back in the envelope) and helped herself to looking through it. Then angrily questioned me about my "outstanding balance" as she then told me that I was "spending too much money on those fish". UGH. I have been EXTREMELY depressed as of late. As in, suicidal thoughts level, and "those fish" are the only things keeping me from it because they're cute and love me and don't say mean things and they rely on me. I'm sorry about being so open with this, but I feel so betrayed. A sense of privacy, whatever was left, is now completely gone. Not to mention that she put down the only thing that is keeping me going right now.
Definitely know that feeling. Zero privacy, whatever's making you happy being derided at every opportunity, it sucks. My grandma does it too, not only about fish, but whatever is making me smile at any given point. The only advice I've ever been given about this kind of situation is to "just block it out" or "why don't you stand up for yourself if it's making you feel so bad?" Don't worry, I know it's not that easy. I'm not going to spew advice at you, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Keep lookin' after those fishies of yours, they appreciate the work you do for them.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:25 PM   #16567 
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Definitely know that feeling. Zero privacy, whatever's making you happy being derided at every opportunity, it sucks. My grandma does it too, not only about fish, but whatever is making me smile at any given point. The only advice I've ever been given about this kind of situation is to "just block it out" or "why don't you stand up for yourself if it's making you feel so bad?" Don't worry, I know it's not that easy. I'm not going to spew advice at you, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Keep lookin' after those fishies of yours, they appreciate the work you do for them.
Thank you Sparrow....your words made me tear up. In a good way. It really sucks when literally no one else in your house understands depression....not even my boyfriend gets it. He just kinda sits there and listens to me, which I guess is all he can do. I'm just so stressed. I dropped a different class for this stupid anatomy class and it ended up costing me $1,175 (the balance thing) and the professor is still a big jerk. I didn't see that much money being charged at me, and I have enough saved up to pay a large majority of it off. If I do, though, then I'll literally be broke. My boyfriend can't get a job, because people won't hire right now, and my boss hasn't called me back about me wanting to go for a more permanent position again. It's like if everything could go wrong, it is. These fish are the only consistently good things I have in my life right now.....but it feels good to know that at least someone, somewhere, knows how I feel.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:35 PM   #16568 
Shirleythebetta
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About watching kids: You want to, you say yes. You don't want to, say no. People can expect whatever they want from you, but ultimately you make the decision if you're going to do it or not. I have two kids, and I hate asking others (related or not) to watch them. However, my marriage has suffered as a result, and I'm a lot more fried now than if I had help. If you can help someone out sometimes by watching thier children with no real loss to your life, that's so nice to do. If it's gonna make you resentful or if you feel you are being taken advantage of, please say no!
I always say no if I don't want to do something. The issue is it is going to cause a problem for my husband because when I don't agree with them they always attack him about it. His mom actually made him choose between me and her once because I told her that I wasn't going to sit back and let her yell at me one day when she went off on me about me and my husbands own bill. He chose me of course... (that was childish for a mother I think). I know that me refusing to babysit is going to cause them to keep the baby away from my husband. They are vindictive people. But I am not going to give up what little time I spend with my husband for this stuff. Just for an example, I saw him for two hours today because he works third and works a lot of overtime. There has been days when he gets up and leaves for work within a half hour like tonight.

Another problem we are going to have is they are going to expect him to babysit when I don't want to. My husband will not babysit an infant. He can't even keep an eye on my dog who chewed a cord in half right in front of him. He is not a "maternal" type man. So they are going to hate him for that too. Also he works like crazy, he doesn't have the time to spend on babysitting for their alchohol abuse or shopping sprees. Anymore I figure oh well. I have to live my own life and stop worrying about their problems. Especially the ones they cause on themselves.
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Old 02-13-2013, 06:54 PM   #16569 
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Originally Posted by Hadoken Kitty View Post
Thank you Sparrow....your words made me tear up. In a good way. It really sucks when literally no one else in your house understands depression....not even my boyfriend gets it. He just kinda sits there and listens to me, which I guess is all he can do. I'm just so stressed. I dropped a different class for this stupid anatomy class and it ended up costing me $1,175 (the balance thing) and the professor is still a big jerk. I didn't see that much money being charged at me, and I have enough saved up to pay a large majority of it off. If I do, though, then I'll literally be broke. My boyfriend can't get a job, because people won't hire right now, and my boss hasn't called me back about me wanting to go for a more permanent position again. It's like if everything could go wrong, it is. These fish are the only consistently good things I have in my life right now.....but it feels good to know that at least someone, somewhere, knows how I feel.
I'm glad my comment could in some way uplift you!

Having a boyfriend who will sit there and listen is actually a really good thing! I had a really bad patch last year, and my boyfriend is one of those "sweep it under the rug and it'll go away" people, so it took a lot of work and heartache to meet in the middle and get to where we are now, so I now am able to vent. So even if he just sits there and listens to you, he's still listening, he's still present, and there's someone who cares right there.

It might seem like all is lost, but it will pass. You'll get what you need to pay paid off, even if it takes a little while. Is there a payment plan offered for those sorts of things? If you can pay it in installments it should be more manageable, right?

Something that might help a little, is to think about what things you can actually control, and succeed in getting those things going right. The things you can't control will be left, but there will then be a smaller amount of things to worry about at that point.

I don't always remember to think in this way when poop hits the fan, but when I do, it saves my emotional butt. ^.^
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Old 02-13-2013, 07:14 PM   #16570 
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Originally Posted by Hadoken Kitty View Post
So. My grandma saw a letter on the kitchen counter adressed to me, already opened, (but it was put back in the envelope) and helped herself to looking through it. Then angrily questioned me about my "outstanding balance" as she then told me that I was "spending too much money on those fish". UGH. I have been EXTREMELY depressed as of late. As in, suicidal thoughts level, and "those fish" are the only things keeping me from it because they're cute and love me and don't say mean things and they rely on me. I'm sorry about being so open with this, but I feel so betrayed. A sense of privacy, whatever was left, is now completely gone. Not to mention that she put down the only thing that is keeping me going right now.

And my anatomy professor is being a complete jerk. Every time he hands back tests he always says that we should be doing better. So as if being told you're not doing good enough at home isn't enough, now we have to add in a college professor, as if it's even his place.
I'm so sorry for your trouble. I'm glad you're talking about your feelings. Just know that there are people here who care about you and understand how you feel about your fish.
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