To much going on at once. With GAD I don't think I should have taken on a job. It is freaking me out and I have already made a bad decision, a few actually. It is too much for my brain. Work, school, house work and animals. It's all getting to me. My work was supposed to be a little part time thing that I could go to to get out of the house. Now a person got fired and another one is quitting so I get more hours than I wanted, then I have all the stresses of college and being at the end of my degree. This includes lots of papers, keeping up with my GPA, worrying if I am going to make the deans list for the fifth time in a row or not.... then house work, you got the typical, cleaning, laundry, dishes.... Then the pets, cleaning the rat cage, the rabbit cage, the five fish tanks, spraying down the hermit crabs and the lizard.... I am freaking out and like I said making stupid mistakes as a result and I don't know how to deal with it. How do you get over a bad choice? I can't stop thinking about the stupid choices I make in my life.
I have similar fears when it comes to looking for a job now Shirley. I am worried I won't be able to handle it all. :(
Rant: OMG!!! BOND Already!! Stupid ovary >.> (note:flower project)
It scares the crap out of me. I feel like I am screwing up, I know I am screwing up and I just want to crawl into a hole. It's scaring me too that I have a couple of weeks until I graduate. My family and my husbands family have this expectation that I am going to get a high paying job right out of school and sometimes it doesn't happen over night. I don't think I can live up to anyones expectations if I can't live up to my own.
I am so sick of my best friend's girlfriend. We used to be friends, her and I, and now she's dating my best friend who is also a girl and it's all so incredibly complicated. I found out over an Internet site. Yeah. That got to me. And this girl is pretty messed up. I stopped being friends with her when she said some things about people I know that are literally unforgivable. I haven't spoken to her in a year and now my best friend is dating her, so I see her all the time. It isn't the worst situation I've been in, but now I can't hang out with my other friends because my mum doesn't want me around that girl, as her parents also have some "issues". I can't stand seeing them together. I have no problem with my female friend dating another female, that's cool. But why did she pick THAT ONE PERSON?
Boy do I know how you guys feel with the finding a job when you're done with college! This is my last semester, and I am so scared of whats going to happen when it's all done! Will I be able to do what I want? I know so many people who have gotten degrees and now are doing something completely different!
I know how you guys feel. Over the summer I worked four jobs - petsitting, childcare and entertainment, and two retail jobs. December (Christmas) and January (back to school) are of course the biggest times for retail, and Christmas is huge for entertainment and petsitting. I was also doing a summer course in Evidence Law so I wouldn't have to take an extra 6 months for my degree. (Our summer holidays here run from late November to late February).
It was absolutely crazy and I felt stressed and panicky a lot. Now I'm down to three jobs, as I was only a Christmas casual for one so my contract ended, but I'm back at uni with a normal semester's courseload (3 law courses, one English course) and I'm strapped for time once again.
I think, eventually, something has to give, and if I were you I'd make sure it is the number of hours you work rather than your mental and physical wellbeing. If you are constantly stressed and tired, you are more likely to get sick, which means you'll have to play catchup with uni stuff and get deeper into the cycle. Put your foot down and tell them that you simply can't work more than X hours per week. Even if that means they get rid of you in the end, it isn't worth compromising your health, mentally or physically.
My parents are upsetting me BEYOND belief. First off, they're divorced, so I'll go on sides. My father ignores me completely and puts me down due to my fish hobby. He says I'm antisocial, yet he won't let me hang out with my friends. My step mother glares at me and acts like a sarcastic brat. I can't say anything around her or else she'll twist my words and tell people. She's mad at me because her dog became mine after she beat him (he's 15lbs) and he came running to me. He was 3 months old. Now he's 4 years old and my main comfort. As for my mother ... Ugh! She yells at me on a daily basis over nothing. She's bipolar and "depressed". I'm more depressed then her. She beats me and not in the "disciplinary" way. She leaves bruises and I have to cover my arms and put bandages on in order to go to school. Honestly, I've tried committing suicide. Out of an act of desperation, I screamed and yelled at them and let everything out. I calmed down to explain how I felt, why I felt that way, how long I felt that way, and how done I was. Their response? "Oh, our problems are worse then yours." They obviously don't care if anything happens to me. I've almost been raped by a relative, I've attempted suicide, and I'm basically estranged from my family. They obviously don't care and there are only a few threads that are tying me to this world. It's sad when you're friends love you more then your parents do. I mean ... the people who are BIOLOGICALLY programmed to love you can't even stand you. It's wrong ... so wrong. Also, they seem to despise me because I have Tourette's syndrome. It's not major, I just cough every now and again, not even badly. It happened when I was 8 and my parents got divorced. I've been able to control it now (I'm 17). Due to my Tourette's, I also have ADHD, OCD, and dislexia. God, I can't wait. I've debates on running away, but I have my priorities straight now. In 7 months, I'm going to graduate high school and I'm going to move to FL with my boyfriend. He's the main reason I'm still around. Cheesy side story, I met him in a fish forum. I started talking to him, because we were joking about him giving me his duckweed because I would find a way to kill it (I DID!! xD). He ended up sending me his purple/yellow marble veiltail, RCS, and some plants. I started to get to know him and I fell in love. He's the man of my dreams and the only thing that's keeping me going right now. I'm actually HAPPY for the first time in 5 years because of him. <3
Ugh, sorry for the long, confusing, and strange rant. lol I just HAD to let it out.