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Old 06-13-2011, 09:30 PM   #4091 
kathstew
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Rant:
I'm getting hip surgery in July for a crumbling hip. I'm really excited about getting it, but at the same time its so frustrating. I'm only 16, and the last four years I've been in and out of hospital. I've had chemo, multiple diagnosis, so many tests. I've had to quit school part way through for the third time because I just can't go. I'm too tired, or I'm in too much pain. Its so frustrating. Life goes on around me, but I'm stuck in the same place. And I know that after my surgery I should be back to normal life, but thats what they said after chemo, and thats what they said after my first time having chemo, and the blood transfusions, and the steroid injections...
it just never ends.
I'm 16. I've never had my first kiss, I've never even had a guy like me in that way. Because I'm too ugly from all the medications and procedures I've had, because I'm never in situations where I can meet guys, because I'm always at home, or at the hospital. I think about my future, do I even have one? The chances of having someone love me for me are slim, no one looks past my larger steroid stomach, puffy cheeks, crutches/wheelchair. I've been trying to lose weight, but its hard when you have dead hip and can't move it very much. I do go to physio, but its not enough.
I want a normal life. I want to be normal. And I know there is no real definition for "normal". But, I just want to live like a teen should. Not worrying about whether I will ever be able to go to college because I could be sick. I don't want to be worried if I will live past the next year, the next month! But I do, because its staring me in the face all the time.

Do you know whats kind of funny - why I felt the need to rant? Because I see all you guys buying bettas on aquabid, and I want one so bad, a double tail to be specific. But I can't. "Until after my surgery" Because my sister will have to take care of all 11 of my fish, plus her 3 fish, and my moms 1 fish. Even if I didn't have my surgery, I can't afford it. Because I can't afford it. I'm 16, my friends can get jobs. I can't - who would hire a teen who needs crutches, and a wheelchair on her really bad days? Who would hire a teen who may have to call in sick last minute, often? I wouldn't. I sell jewellery, but mostly family members buy them, and it feels like charity.
I'm just frustrated with my life. SO MUCH.
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Old 06-13-2011, 09:42 PM   #4092 
Betta Slave
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Location: Canada, eh?
O.O

AUGH.

The gorgeous Morgan gelding I'm looking at is being looked at by another person! We'll HAVE to get out there by Sunday... we'll HAVE to. I'm hoping either tomorrow or Wednesday...

I'm so scared. D:>

sfbjdkgbjdkagdag


Kathstew-

I'm sorry :( that's hard. But just think- you'll be better soon! <:)
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:13 PM   #4093 
dramaqueen
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Kath, my mom always said pretty is as pretty does. If people can't see beyond a body that is puffy because of medicine and illness, that's their loss! Being beautiful on the inside is what counts and you're besutiful on the inside.
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:14 PM   #4094 
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I agree. Besides, I'm sure you're beautiful on the outside, too.
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Old 06-13-2011, 10:16 PM   #4095 
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I agree. Besides, I'm sure you're beautiful on the outside, too.
Agreed.
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Old 06-14-2011, 12:46 AM   #4096 
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Originally Posted by kathstew View Post
I'm 16. I've never had my first kiss, I've never even had a guy like me in that way
No offense but I don't see how this is a problem...don't let social pressures get to you, honestly I was 21 before this happened. I'm not like, going to off myself on a bridge. Besides, if nobody likes you in that way because "You're too ugly" then you're better off without. A mature man would be able to look past all of that and love you for who you are. It just depends on how patient you are willing to be. Boys around your age (not to generalize but...) only care about how "sexy" their girlfriend is with all them ragin' hormones.

This may sound harsh, but you have to accept and embrace the fact that your life is not going to be "normal" like other teenagers. The only thing you can do about that is do what YOU love. Who cares if you can't play sports or go jogging or exert yourself physically? Do something you enjoy doing, whether it is sitting on a park bench or playing chess or reading a book.

There is no such thing as a "normal" life, life is what you make of it.

As for "dying" don't spend your time counting your days down. I know this sounds corny (and I hate corny) but you should appreciate the time you are spending with family and friends now, don't dilute your thoughts of being alone, it will just make you feel sad and unhappy.

Don't dwell on your lack of time, make the most of the time you have.

It's like the time we have with our bettas. They only live (on average) 3 years? I won't waste my time thinking about "Oh lord they only have x many years left". You are aware of their imminent death, and it hurts when they go, but you'll always be left with good memories.

You do live in Canada right? What province? Surgery is free in Ontario. There are some jobs and volunteering positions for "disabled" persons (or whatever the hell the politically correct term is,ugh). I have a friend with mild Vrolik syndrome who is constantly wheelchair bound and he has a light desk job at a retirement home. I would also love to get an AB betta one day as well, I don't nearly have as many regular bettas as you do, because as a poor University student with a lame student job, I can't afford it either, haha.

Anyway, life is very frustrating sometimes, but the key to happiness is being able to move forward with friends, family and loved ones.

Finally, remember that I (and everybody else) will always love and care for you with the light of 1000 suns. DON'T FORGET THAT.

Last edited by bahamut285; 06-14-2011 at 12:49 AM.
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Old 06-14-2011, 12:53 AM   #4097 
dramaqueen
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Originally Posted by bahamut285 View Post
No offense but I don't see how this is a problem...don't let social pressures get to you, honestly I was 21 before this happened. I'm not like, going to off myself on a bridge. Besides, if nobody likes you in that way because "You're too ugly" then you're better off without. A mature man would be able to look past all of that and love you for who you are. It just depends on how patient you are willing to be. Boys around your age (not to generalize but...) only care about how "sexy" their girlfriend is with all them ragin' hormones.

This may sound harsh, but you have to accept and embrace the fact that your life is not going to be "normal" like other teenagers. The only thing you can do about that is do what YOU love. Who cares if you can't play sports or go jogging or exert yourself physically? Do something you enjoy doing, whether it is sitting on a park bench or playing chess or reading a book.

There is no such thing as a "normal" life, life is what you make of it.

As for "dying" don't spend your time counting your days down. I know this sounds corny (and I hate corny) but you should appreciate the time you are spending with family and friends now, don't dilute your thoughts of being alone, it will just make you feel sad and unhappy.

Don't dwell on your lack of time, make the most of the time you have.

It's like the time we have with our bettas. They only live (on average) 3 years? I won't waste my time thinking about "Oh lord they only have x many years left". You are aware of their imminent death, and it hurts when they go, but you'll always be left with good memories.

You do live in Canada right? What province? Surgery is free in Ontario. There are some jobs and volunteering positions for "disabled" persons (or whatever the hell the politically correct term is,ugh). I have a friend with mild Vrolik syndrome who is constantly wheelchair bound and he has a light desk job at a retirement home. I would also love to get an AB betta one day as well, I don't nearly have as many regular bettas as you do, because as a poor University student with a lame student job, I can't afford it either, haha.

Anyway, life is very frustrating sometimes, but the key to happiness is being able to move forward with friends, family and loved ones.

Finally, remember that I (and everybody else) will always love and care for you with the light of 1000 suns. DON'T FORGET THAT.

Well said.
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Old 06-14-2011, 01:47 AM   #4098 
metalbetta
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+1!
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Old 06-14-2011, 02:08 AM   #4099 
PewPewPew
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+ *hug* :<
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Old 06-14-2011, 02:10 AM   #4100 
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Yes, I think we all need to hug in a group manner. *group hug*
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