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Old 10-02-2010, 01:12 PM   #771 
kaythenewbie
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I'm sorry. Mixed family situations suck. I know that they're worth it and worth the work, but sometimes they really just suck.

Rant: I got some otos for the algae in my tank. Got green algae, brown diatoms, and at the top of my tank, hair algae. The otos were doing great. Check on them all the time. They've been there for a few days. So I come into the room after checking on them 1/2 hr ago and find that one oto has literally hung himself in the hair algae. He got tangled up and died! GAA! I was coming in to clean out the hair algae right then. GRRR! Why didn't he just stay at the bottom of the tank and eat the better algae down there like the others? What kind of algae eater gets killed from algae anyways?!
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:19 PM   #772 
Oldfishlady
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To receive respect you must first give respect

Age is not a number but a mind set

Teach by example

A stepchild was a term used long ago when a parent died and the living parent re-married- the new spouse took over the role of the deceased parent.

In today world often both parents are living and resentment is developed between all the players- from the child to the adults-IMO- stepchild is a poor term because a step-parent is NOT that childs parent and never will be and should not be expected to be treated as such-This person is only their parents spouse not their parent when both are living and active in that childs life-
A step parent can be a positive role model in that childs life-but only if that step-parent is mature enough to understand the limitation or their role in that childs life- as the spouse of the child parent.
The child doesn't have any say in this matter-with divorce, re-marriage and who the step-parent will be....but they do have a right to "how they feel" and "how they are made to feel" especially when it comes to an over-bearing, pompus, know-it-all..want to rule the roost kinda person that was thrown in that childs life...often being made to feel unwanted, unsupported by their parent and/or step-parent....and you wonder why the stepchild act out........
There are great stepparents and stepchildren that function well as a family unit...and it starts with the adults being and acting like an adult....not the child.......and understanding how this life change can affect a young person.....you get out what you put into the relationship............but you also have to remember that you are dealing with a child.........you can't buy love or respect of others...only rent it.......
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:30 PM   #773 
aunt kymmie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldfishlady View Post
To receive respect you must first give respect

Age is not a number but a mind set

Teach by example

A stepchild was a term used long ago when a parent died and the living parent re-married- the new spouse took over the role of the deceased parent.

In today world often both parents are living and resentment is developed between all the players- from the child to the adults-IMO- stepchild is a poor term because a step-parent is NOT that childs parent and never will be and should not be expected to be treated as such-This person is only their parents spouse not their parent when both are living and active in that childs life-
A step parent can be a positive role model in that childs life-but only if that step-parent is mature enough to understand the limitation or their role in that childs life- as the spouse of the child parent.
The child doesn't have any say in this matter-with divorce, re-marriage and who the step-parent will be....but they do have a right to "how they feel" and "how they are made to feel" especially when it comes to an over-bearing, pompus, know-it-all..want to rule the roost kinda person that was thrown in that childs life...often being made to feel unwanted, unsupported by their parent and/or step-parent....and you wonder why the stepchild act out........
There are great stepparents and stepchildren that function well as a family unit...and it starts with the adults being and acting like an adult....not the child.......and understanding how this life change can affect a young person.....you get out what you put into the relationship............but you also have to remember that you are dealing with a child.........you can't buy love or respect of others...only rent it.......
Well put, well said.
My rant and my motto: Give love, get love. Give guff, get guff. 'nuff said.
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:50 PM   #774 
ThePearlFish
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Arggh I am never driving somewhere to sell something to someone again. the dude no showed I waited over an hr. and then some and he had my number to call in case he was late and everything!! If he wants the stupid textbook he can drive his butt over here and get it! who cares if it is too far away from where he is. He couldn't even meet me 1/2way and my mom came all the way down (45 min) from MD to drive with me another 40 min. to this mall so that i could get some $$ on this book since my BF was working today and couldn't come. what a waste of gas for her too! at least out of this I got a cute pair of pink plaid design rainboots and some homecooked food.
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Old 10-02-2010, 02:06 PM   #775 
nochoramet
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Wow... I'm from a mixed family and I can tell you, no matter how sweet my mother's husband wants to act, he'll never replace my dad. This man broke up my family and tries to force himself onto me and my sisters and let me tell you what. It makes it worse on us because we know he'll never replace our father.
I agree with CodeRed, why generalize and say all stepkids are like that? that's not very nice. I also agree wholeheartedly with OFL, she makes very good points.
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Old 10-02-2010, 02:17 PM   #776 
dramaqueen
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Well said, OFL.
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Old 10-02-2010, 02:20 PM   #777 
vaygirl
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My Dad said this to me once and I'm going to share it with ya'll because I never forgot it.

Every girl grows up believing her Father's word is law. Then they get to be teens and they start meeting boys and having boyfriends. They deal with all the stuff guys do or men do, all that stuff that makes them pull their hair out. One day they look at their Daddies and realize HE'S one of those men and it's never the same. :P
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Old 10-02-2010, 02:29 PM   #778 
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Originally Posted by vaygirl View Post
Every girl grows up believing her Father's word is law. Then they get to be teens and they start meeting boys and having boyfriends. They deal with all the stuff guys do or men do, all that stuff that makes them pull their hair out. One day they look at their Daddies and realize HE'S one of those men and it's never the same. :P
+1, lol!
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Old 10-02-2010, 02:30 PM   #779 
carpenter547
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to miss old fish lady.

i am not my self on these forums. i assure you i have had nothing but kindness and yes love for my step daughter. i had to adopt her for her own saftey *very long story*

if i come off as pompus or arrogant online i assure you it is only online as i can't seem to break the spoken to text issues. feel free to look me up on almost any other forum i use this name carpenter547 ford-trucks.com fordification monsterfishkeepers aquariacentral lyretail's forum.

i have had to take the role of dad simply because no one else did except her grand father. he is daddy i am stepdaddy. when i adopted her i didn't change her last name outa respect and difference to her grandfather. so that thier connection would never be severed.

i have raised her in the exact same mannor as i have raised mine. i have jumped through hoops to please her mother grama and grampa. i have bowed and difered to their wishes even though it was against my own instincts and now i am paying for it. i have been casted as the bad guy cuz i inforced the diet to SAVE HER LIFE. she was 200 pounds in fifth grade.
when the doctor said "she will die from her weight and it's complications" i imediately gave up every thing i ate that was un-healthy and tastie. her grama grampa mom immediately went down to the lobby that damn day not more than 30 minutes latter and bought her a whole jumbo soft pretzel to eat.

i have talked to many many adults. i have the personally been a step child. i have many many friends who were step children. and all angles of it suck. at least until the kid grows up mentally and physically.

i would not have been so involved with her except that if one child dies from improper child rearing ie becomes diabetic and is still feed sugar and dies from it cps will take the remaining children in the house to. that would have ment i would have lost my daughters cuz of thier poop.

and to every one else if a generality or a generalized statement doesn't apply to you you don't need to stand up and say hey that isn't mee. especially when your name wasn't even mentioned. that is infact a behavioral indicator of a guilty concience.
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Old 10-02-2010, 04:25 PM   #780 
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Well put, OFL.

Rant: I hate it when I look at one of my threads and only see like 1 reply, but 23 views. :S
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