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Old 08-26-2011, 01:34 AM   #9381 
hmckin20
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rant because my new dragon halfmoon is being an angry, sulky, rebellious teenager and refuses to eat for me. all he does is lurk in his cave at the bottom of his tank and when i scoop him out and offer him pellets soaked in garlic, he paces around the bottom of the cup and won't even try it.
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Old 08-26-2011, 01:38 AM   #9382 
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Originally Posted by dramaqueen View Post
Darn, now that I'm turning 50, what doesn't give me gas gives me heartburn.
You always have had a way with words, DQ.

Oh, and I meant if your neigbhor has cat food outside, she may want to pick it up. The cat will probably go away then. Kitties tend to go where there is food. Even if they have homes, they go where there is food.
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Old 08-26-2011, 02:43 AM   #9383 
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As a relative newcomer, I'd like to stand up for this forum and, in particular, its users.

There is nothing in the world that would keep me here if it were not for the warmth and welcome that I found. I am amazed, daily, at the LACK of "clique-y" ness and the number of knowledgeable and caring people.

I've participated in many forums in my day (since 1994 when they were BBSes). I've run my own forums and have even been a moderator for a professional game developer's forum.

I have seen flame wars, hacking attempts, personal attacks against myself and other users, insults, friendships broken and yes, even cliques and elitist clubs. Eventually, I stopped joining forums because people argue over the littlest things or drive away newbies with careless words. It takes something special for me to join a forum nowadays.

I've seen the nasty and this place isn't it.

I'm already at 300+ posts. Unheard of for me. Usually I bolt if I get a whiff of elitism or I feel talked down to. Posting here has actually renewed my faith in internet communities.

I'm not saying that it's all sunshine, daisies, and rainbow bettas. Words can be misunderstood and opinions heated. We're entitled to our opinions and entitled to vent about them as long as no one gets hurt or feels like they're being singled out.

This forum and its users succeed on so many levels, I would hate to see any of it sold short :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by PewPewPew View Post
I've also yet to see someone be denied the ability to get to know other members. I recently got to know the user fishcurl, and I really like her. She seems to be making "friends" on this site easily.
Thank you, this made me smile :)

I have been making friends on this site easily because there are so many helpful and open people here. In the short time I've been here I've seen newbies turn into regulars - this would not be an easy thing to do if there were a bunch of cliques running around the forum.

Pew - you've especially made me feel welcome. I know I've asked some pretty painfull newbie questions but never once have you treated me unkindly or made me feel stoopid. I am really sorry you feel you must take leave of this place. It's suddenly a lot less happy around here without your sense of humour and help. If you should come back, I'll keep a planted tank warm for you :)

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Originally Posted by bearwithfish View Post
now while i can see a reason for a rant thread to complain about school, work, how life is so unfair that no one understands (dripping with sarcasm) ...
Please understand that I have the highest respect for moderators. I would sooner jump in a beehive than speak out against anything they say. However, this one line above has me uncharacteristically needing to respond.

I hope, for the sake of many people on these forums, that this sentence was not referring to those with mental health issues who feel like "no one understands." Mental health issues are serious and complex. Often people suffer silently from it and yes, feel like no one understands. Feelings like this are valid and not to be taken lightly because they can lead down the path of self-harm.

Again, I have the utmost respect for moderators - I am sure this is not what was meant by the sentence, but had to make my views known because I feel so passionately about it.
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Old 08-26-2011, 02:47 AM   #9384 
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*hugs* Fishcurl, you're a good, good person and a good, good friend.
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:05 AM   #9385 
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I've been sitting and packing. I just lay down on my stomach and now my back is seized up in cramps. Owwww.
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:20 AM   #9386 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fishcurl View Post
As a relative newcomer, I'd like to stand up for this forum and, in particular, its users.

There is nothing in the world that would keep me here if it were not for the warmth and welcome that I found. I am amazed, daily, at the LACK of "clique-y" ness and the number of knowledgeable and caring people.

I've participated in many forums in my day (since 1994 when they were BBSes). I've run my own forums and have even been a moderator for a professional game developer's forum.

I have seen flame wars, hacking attempts, personal attacks against myself and other users, insults, friendships broken and yes, even cliques and elitist clubs. Eventually, I stopped joining forums because people argue over the littlest things or drive away newbies with careless words. It takes something special for me to join a forum nowadays.

I've seen the nasty and this place isn't it.

I'm already at 300+ posts. Unheard of for me. Usually I bolt if I get a whiff of elitism or I feel talked down to. Posting here has actually renewed my faith in internet communities.

I'm not saying that it's all sunshine, daisies, and rainbow bettas. Words can be misunderstood and opinions heated. We're entitled to our opinions and entitled to vent about them as long as no one gets hurt or feels like they're being singled out.

This forum and its users succeed on so many levels, I would hate to see any of it sold short :)
this is exactly how i feel too ..

i've never stuck around on a forum for more then a month .. except this one .. (and the one's i admin/mod on .. but those don't count)
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Old 08-26-2011, 03:49 AM   #9387 
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;___; I'm not going to sleep anymore.. Stuff like this happens when I sleep..
For the record, this is the first forum I ever joined and participated so much in, since day1.. I mean look at the number of my posts.. I love the people here, talking to them, learning and helping them.. I actually joined more forums after joining this one, using its members' awesomeness as an example. I'm on 2 others and I feel nothing less than out of place there. I end up logging in once a month to maybe ask a question. This place feels like a virtual home.. I log in here more than Facebook! I find, good people here, they love the same things I do and they may not all be the happy fun fun types, there are serious people but no matter how they are, they're always helping. And that is important. The care they show. Fishcurl put everything really well, I have nothing else to say. *Group hug*
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Old 08-26-2011, 07:34 AM   #9388 
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I plus 1 to everyone who's spoken up so far. I was feeling the same, but I'm absolutely terrible about saying it so cleanly or politely lol. Tends to become a wall of text...

Rant/ Feeling sick AGAIN, but for a completely different reason!! I'm so irritated!! First week of school and missing 2 days already!? Sigh.

Rant 2/ No one has seen my kitty in over 24 hours... She didn't eat at all yesterday and we have no idea where she is... I don't want to be the one to find her if she's passed on... I've had her since I was 4 or 5... I'm going to miss her grumpy butt...

Last edited by CodeRed; 08-26-2011 at 07:51 AM.
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Old 08-26-2011, 07:44 AM   #9389 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fishcurl View Post

I hope, for the sake of many people on these forums, that this sentence was not referring to those with mental health issues who feel like "no one understands." Mental health issues are serious and complex. Often people suffer silently from it and yes, feel like no one understands. Feelings like this are valid and not to be taken lightly because they can lead down the path of self-harm.

Again, I have the utmost respect for moderators - I am sure this is not what was meant by the sentence, but had to make my views known because I feel so passionately about it.
i am glad you pointed this out so i could respond.. no i am not talking about folks with real mental health issues not now not ever. i am a clinical behavioral specialist who works with a population of adults with a wide range of disabilities, i have family members with a number of disabilities and also suffer from bouts of clinical depression.. this is NEVER something i would do and i thank you for the opportunity to talk about that.
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Old 08-26-2011, 08:45 AM   #9390 
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Ok, I am going to offer a different opinion here publicly, and I'm sure I'll draw some hate; and probably from some of you I actually find delightful and pleasant for the most part.

There's an awful lot of defensiveness that was inspired by bear's post. That should tell you something.

In general (just a generalization, mind you), when you are vehemently defensive about something there is sometimes a kernel of truth involved.

Now that being said, let me say what I've witnessed and my own experiences here since I joined. This will be long. Please bear with me.

I am a member of multiple fish forums. I have been a member of approximately 4 betta dedicated websites. And I have been a member of at least 3 tropical fish forum websites. I initially joined most of them a few years ago, when I first got back into betta keeping, and when I first set up my community tank. I have had good and not so good experiences with each, as is to be expected, though never anything severe enough to make me want to leave. I stayed with them all except ONE who in my opinion, did not stand strongly enough against a betta "hot topic" (which I will not name). The others I stuck with until I encountered a personal catastrophe; one which devastated me enough to want to leave keeping bettas behind for a long while. It hurt alot; and I wanted to separate from the hobby in a big way, and this included the forums I had spent so much time on, interacting with people. The love I had for my fish was a raw wound that needed to heal, so I left the "fish scene" for awhile.

Fast forward. A month or so (?) ago I decided to try again, and ended up with another betta friend; and as is par for the course for a forum addict like me, I went back to my old forums so I could share my excitement with fellow betta lovers. But for whatever reason, the activity on them was fairly gone. I still do not know where "everyone" went, but the posting was just not that active anymore. So I started hunting around for another forum.

And so I ended up here. And the first thing I saw after I joined was a drama thread, involving a particular user that has been banned multiple times now. Some of you might even know which one I'm talking about, but I'm not going to call it out publicly. This is a thread that has no business even being there anymore. It serves no educational purpose; and might scare away new users, users like me.

I almost took this site out of my bookmarks the same day I joined, because that thread was the first thing I saw.

But I didn't. I stuck around a little longer. I was pleased by the activity of this forum. I admit that was a big draw for me; because of all the time I spend on the computer. Over the brief time I've been a member, there have been countless times I do not agree with what is posted, as far as betta care goes. But one thing you learn as you grow older, is that there is more than one way to do things; and with a hobby like betta keeping, you will find that the one consistent argument is that bettas are all so different that there almost is no such thing as one right way to do things.

So any time someone comes in with a question on tank size, or whether to use salt, or whether to use a filter, when to medicate, etc.; I always point out what my opinion is; and that it is not necessarily the right answer. No matter whether myself, or you all want to admit it or not; there is no getting away from that fact, that our successes and failures are so vastly different that even now, many years after people first began keeping bettas, we STILL cannot say with certainty what the absolute best conditions are for keeping bettas. We can say what has worked for us and others; but we cannot say that this will work for someone else.

Now that that very long history and where I am coming from is out of the way. Since the initial 'drama' thread [which will not be named], I have been on the verge of leaving here on more than one occasion. And it's not because some have not embraced the concept I just outlined. It's because I've seen things in my short time here that have been unacceptable to me; and my fear is that if I'm seeing it this much in such a short time? It bodes ill for more time to come.

There are some things that are NEVER ok. It is never ok to make fun of or bash another member, even if they are not named, on this forum in public. All it took for me to find out the other day who was being mentioned was 3 clicks of the mouse and 2 minutes. And that is all it would take for the person being publicly embarrassed. It IS ok to have an issue with another member, and I would say it is expected. You cannot have a large community and not have problems with anyone. But that is no reason to justify outing them in public. It is degrading and elementary, and serves no good purpose. That is what the pm system is for, among other things. Feel free to say what you like about someone in private, so that his or her dignity isn't being assaulted in public; and you can still get things off your chest that are bothering you with those members you consider friends.

Do remember this: I'm not the only one who has been or is a member of multiple forums, I'm sure. I know some of you from quite a few over the last couple years, even if you do not know yet who I am. I am quite familiar with at least one who has been banned as well, long before I became a member here, yet another situation I did not learn of until I joined and started reading. I also know some on other forums who have been talked about on this forum. So I am not just a newbie who is looking at the surface and no further.

I know I rambled a bit, and I'm sorry. I felt it was necessary to explain my position with much detail. If I had to sum it up, I would leave you with this.

Next time you post, ask yourself the following: "Would what I'm about to write make me feel belittled?" If all of us do that; I truly feel this site would have even more members than it does now, because we wouldn't be scaring away some who come here wanting help, or wanting TO help, because they felt they were surrounded like a pack of wolves.

*As far as the facebook thing, in all honesty I think that's the business of the members who are part of the group. I didn't even know about it, and that is a good thing. As long as it's not advertised on this forum; I am not sure one thing has anything to do with the other. I felt it was important to point out that I did not know about the group; so that it is clear that my feelings about this matter in general came ENTIRELY from what I saw in the forum itself.
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