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Old 11-05-2010, 10:14 AM   #1 
ashleyy
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I'm pissed at my fiance and I don't know why...

My fiance and I go to college together, so yes we are young. We have plans to marry once we both get our degrees and our parents are both very happy about it.

But lately, I have such... almost hatred towards him. For no reason too.

Every little thing he does pisses my off and I'll cause a big stink about it.

All other relationships I've had in the past, they broke up with me for no real reason when everything seemed to be perfectly fine. So maybe subconsciously I'm emotionally preparing for a break up, when he isn't even planning on it.

He is an extremely smart guy, all his professors talk about him and they all love having him in their classes and honestly, it hurts me that I'm not as smart as him, I can try and try and study and study and STILL make a C, but he doesn't even try and makes A's and his professors think he's a prodigy UGH. Anyway, His history professor actually lives in a castle and is having his students over for a party. Its going to be on Saturday and there is supposed to be rainy weather and somewhat freezing temperatures at night. They will be carpooling, and quite frankly I didn't want him carpooling in the rain at night with people I don't know in fear for an accident. He would drive, but his car isn't at its best right now and shouldn't be driven long distances. I told him I didn't really want him to go and it would be just something for me to worry about and "besides, you are just sucking up to your professor", and he said it was no big deal and to not worry. So there, as silly as it seems it pissed me off that he shrugged off my feelings to say it was no big deal. Second, the party created a facebook page to count for the people going and give out information. On the page it said that you can invite somebody and the girl accounting for everyone commented him asking if he was going to take his fiance.

Well, he never asked me to go, so I asked him about that and he said "oh I just thought you wouldn't want to go." Well I don't want to go, but it would have been nice if he had asked me! So yet again, that pissed me off. Now, I'm ignoring him and being rather harsh at him. We have a good relationship, but lately I've been in such a weird mood. I don't want to ruin something good, and have to throw away my future plans because he is in them, but if I keep acting like this I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to break up, even though he says he wouldn't ever want to do that.

UGhhhhhhhhhh. I know this may seem childish, but I just had to get it out.

What should I do?
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Old 11-05-2010, 11:14 AM   #2 
purplemuffin
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It is time for COMMUNICATION! Honestly the one big thing that can really make or break ANY relationship.. I think if you need to get out a rant to us, it might be time to have a talk about it with him--maybe not quite in rant form, but letting him know your point!

I think ya'll both need to talk about whats up. Tell him why you are feeling these things, tell him the things you don't understand why you're upset, etc.

Guys tend to have the problem of 'i don't want to make my girlfriend worry' and will blow their worries off, thinking it will calm them down(I think some of them don't realize we over analyze and have what I call 'worry visions' lol!) I think you should really openly be like :( You know that hurts me a little bit, talk about it.. Ignoring him can only get you so far as letting him know you're upset, things won't get better until he knows what's going on, and hey, maybe things are happening on both ends? I know I can be frustrated when I can tell Nathan is stressed about something, and it definitely can put a strain on things when the stress comes at the wrong time..


Does he know how you feel about the classwork thing? I actually see this a LOT in relationships, but no one ever tells the other how they feel!! Even if telling him you don't appreciate it doesn't make him study more, maybe he'll be less open to proclaiming how he didn't study and aced the test! Maybe if you want him to do less of that partying, ask him to stay home sometimes and study with you, say you need the help and it's hard for you to concentrate if you're worried about him


I hate the not being invited thing, my friend's boyfriend has been pulling stunts like that with his girl for a while...except he just doesn't invite his girlfriend when he goes to hang out with his usually all female friends.. Yuck! Finally nathan had to sneakily make him feel like a jerk "Oh so you're going to hang with Aubrey? Can me and Kat come with You and Alden?" (To which he turned blood red and stuttered until he asked if Alden wanted to go with him. Mwaha. He's an idiot, but at least he's....starting to learn.)


I mean really, moods are moods, there are times when we respond badly, and the best of relationships do fight..It's just about making up where it counts. I think it does sound like he isn't being entirely fair with you, and I think if you guys talk about it and come up with compromises at least it will put you in a better mood, and he'll have a better idea of what not to do in the future--while still having room to have fun and not feeling like he is 'trapped' or anything like that!


But each relationship is different, and people can only give you advice that worked for us.. Whenever Nathan and I have a problem, we analyze it, talk about it, I end up crying probably at one point, and we get right down and honest until we both know where the other stands, and usually fights between us seem to be misunderstandings...Either misunderstanding what the other said, or why the other did it!

I really wish you the best with your fiance! It is so awful to be mad at the ones we love the most! And yet it seems they know how to do it best, right? Lol!
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Old 11-05-2010, 02:13 PM   #3 
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Purple gave really good advice, pretty much everything I was going to say.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, almost 5. We started dating when I was 16/he was 17. We have learned a lot about eachother and relationships with eachother. I hadn't ever had a boyfriend before him.
I have learned quite a few things about stuff I didn't realize most boys just dont quite get..

the biggest thing I realized is they try so hard to NOT hurt your feelings, they almost always DO hurt your feelings. they dont think so hard into things as we do. if I tell my boyfriend "this dinner was okay, I just didn't really like the taste" he would take it at that for face value. where as if he told me that, I would worry that I did something wrong, did he not like how I cooked something.. ect.
That was a horrible example but it's all I could think of.

He also had to learn how to read into me, so that when he wants to go do something and I say okay but I really dont want him to go even though I dont MIND if he goes... of course all I say is he can go, have fun. well he can read me, and knows that is so NOT what I mean. Bwhaha.

I would just talk with him about what's going on with you, why you are feeling this way, why you dont KNOW why your feeling this way.
a lot of the times when my boyfriend and I are fighting, it's because of me. I just get irratated so easy.. I think in part it was due to being an only child, so I really need my space sometimes. but if we are fighting and it's me causing it, I'll say sorry for being snappy, I don't really know why I am irratated. he usually will say it's okay and he usually has a guess as to why I'm irratated.
it just helps me not be so annoyed to tell him I am annoyed.

I wouldn't worry about his party. he must be a really nice guy if he didn't get mad at you for calling him a suck up. bwhahaha. =P
He probably really didnt think you wanted to go so didnt see the need to ask. it took my boyfriend a long time to realize he should still invite me (unless it's a boys night or what not) even if he thinks I wont want to go.. because it does hurt my feelings. I know where he's coming from, but it still hurts. so I can relate to you there.
And I really liked purple's advice on asking him to help you study, I think that would be nice.

I hope it all works out, when things build up like that you really just got to get them out there with him. as long as you arent screaming at him or being accusatory, then it should never turn into a huge fight. it might be a little argument, but you just have to keep talking and it will resolve. and it's okay to cry, I end up crying a lot. especially if I let it build up.
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Old 11-06-2010, 12:54 AM   #4 
dramaqueen
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Ashleyy, I'm sorry about your problems with your fiance. I hope everything works itself out. It looks like you got some great advice from Purplemuffin and LikeDiscoSuperfly.
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