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Old 12-18-2010, 11:19 AM   #1 
danifacetastic
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Girly Rant : /

I have a rant : /

I'm dating this guy and most of the time things are pretty good. We've been dating for 1 year and 4 months. He's almost 10 months younger than me and he can be pretty immature sometimes (right now we're both 17 but I'll be 18 soon, when we started dating he was 15 and I was 16). Like I said he can be a real immature butt sometimes and he has quite a bit of a temper but when things are good things are good.

Well yesterday I hung out with my guy friend (my boyfriend doesn't care that I hang out with other guys and he knows about it, it's not like I'm sneaking around) and this guy friend of mine is actually my ex boyfriend. When we broke up I got together with my current boyfriend 2 weeks later. I dated this guy for 9 months and things were almost perfect from what we both remember and we can't really remember why we broke up. We do remember there were some immaturities in the both of us at the time but we've been super close as friends ever since we've broken up and both changed and realize now the things we used to hate in each other aren't there anymore.

Well after hanging out with him yesterday we picked up my best friend and came to my house. She apparantly picked up on the fact we were both flirting a lot. (I don't mean to do this but if you're a teen girl you know how things can be and you know how sometimes you don't mean to flirt and you don't realize you're doing it). I've started thinking about how my current relationship is a lot like the one with me and my ex, how things are good but also really immature on his part a lot but not really as much as mine anymore.

As you can probably tell I'm developing some feelings for my ex again. I'd never cheat on my boyfriend or break up with him for another guy but I can see myself with my ex someday. I just don't know what to do. I've developed slight feelings for other guys before while dating my current bf. It doesn't last too long and usually the other person feels the same way back which makes things harder but the feelings go away. I feel like a terrible person but all my friends tell me this is compeletly normal and it's a teen thing and it's bound to happen and if it's nothing more than innocent flirting it's fine because everyone does that.

I guess I just needed to rant and sorry if it was long but if you have any advice it'd be appriciated. And sorry about the nature of this post. I know this isn't a relationship advice board but I feel like I really needed to get this off my chest.
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Old 12-18-2010, 05:33 PM   #2 
Tsuhei
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Innocent flirting is innocent flirting! You two were dating before, and of course your comfort levels are different than just hanging out with another guy friend. You two have become accustomed to each other and the close contact that comes with it. If anything, it's really not TRULY flirting in my opinion, it's just you two being comfortable and buddy-buddy. It's hard to un-train yourself not to interact with someone that you used to always do before.

If you're worried about leaving your current boyfriend for your ex (not saying you are or aren't), then try to remember why you broke up with your ex. Has he changed? Is he mature? Think about everything you might be missing out on if your current boyfriend was out of the picture.

1 Year and 4 Months is a pretty healthy relationship..and after that point, "puppy love" starts to wear off. This is the crucial point in a relationship - can you handle the "real boyfriend"? Prepare for some twists and turns and a more than bumpy road, because there will probably be more random little fights and things that never have bugged you will start to get at you. Just remember to take a deep breath and look at each situation.

Just to give you an example, I almost broke it off with my fiance a few months ago. I found out through my best friend, who he rants to and tries to talk to because she knows me best, that he's been spying on me through the internet and lied about a lot of things in our relationship. I was in hysterics, and was pretty much ready to break it off with him. Thanks to my friend, who told me to cool off, we (my fiance and I) figured out a solution to make the relationship work. Of course, he was deeply apologetic and he would do anything to keep me... so he took me to a theme park where we had our first date..it was cheesily romantic. We're coming up on our 2-years-engaged mark..we're waiting until we're both done with our college degrees for marriage.

So, if anything, I would say try to spice up your relationship with your current boyfriend before worrying about your ex and what your friends comment about between you and your ex. If anything, try to hang out less with your ex and focus on bringing back something exciting into your current relationship.
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Old 12-18-2010, 05:48 PM   #3 
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My ex has matured a lot so that's the problem there.

I talked to my boyfriend today though and told him I was tired of telling him over and over again the things that bother me and him never changing. He says he wants to but doesn't know how and I told him I didn't know how to change either after my last relationship and it just happens if you really want to make the other person happy. We agreed to start giving each other a little space and stop talking as much though.

As far as my ex we're actually going to start hanging out more (because we hardly ever do) but neither one of us would ever do anything to jepordize the relationship I'm already in.

As far as I'm concerned I'd be okay (not happy but okay) with ending the current relationship but only if it was mutual which right now it's not. But I'll be graduating soon and then everything will change and I don't want to have to break up because of that. The other roadbump with that is that my ex will be starting at the same community college as me next year (he took a year off, he graduated last year, I graduate this year and my bf graduates next year).

I just don't want to stick it out through my current bf growing up and be miserable just because I can't stand to break up with him.
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Old 12-18-2010, 06:15 PM   #4 
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Oh gosh, tell me about it. I have to actually keep telling my man over and over again the same information. And he always assumes what I'm about to say next etc. etc.... that's just the way a man is in a relationship.

Well, if you feel the way you do, I would actually either take a "break"...but in my opinion, breaks really don't work...at least in my experience. I would honestly try to spice up the relationship in effort..

Now, what's happening is you're falling into a "self-fulfilling prophecy"... you keep saying you're going to be unhappy, miserable, etc., then you're going to be unhappy, miserable, etc. with him. Try to look at things a little bit more positively and the relationship might seem a bit brighter.

In fact, my best friend who just got married has kept saying she was going to divorce her husband after a week they were joined (they've only been married since April)...and now, she's telling me she's putting divorce papers in his Christmas Stocking..how loving, right? That's a perfect example of a self-fulfilling prophecy..she never really tried to make the relationship work and they haven't even been to counseling, etc...she keeps mentioning she should have said no at the altar.

Just try your best to look at the bright side and to make things fun again. Make it a team effort to do so before you try to "go on a break". The more you hang out with your ex, as much as you may deny it (I have too when I was in high school), you'll start to feel like you love him more than your current boyfriend and mentally pick your current relationship apart.
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Old 12-18-2010, 06:18 PM   #5 
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Thanks so much for the advice. I wouldn't be hanging out with my ex if it weren't for snowboarding season haha. I don't have my own car so I have to rely on him.
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Old 12-18-2010, 11:20 PM   #6 
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I've been with my husband for 18 years now. He was exactly the kind of guy I wanted. We're like two peas in a pod. It wasn't always perfect but if there's undying devoted love, it doesn't have to be.

Here's my take on it: It's a lot easier to find someone (or re-find someone) with the qualities that you want then to try to make someone into someone with the qualities that you want.

If you're feeling pulled away from your boyfriend, then it's likely time to move on. It's perfectly normal. What you're doing is the mature thing to do. You already feel okay with it and that's telling you something.

I'll give you my own example. My best friend married her boyfried who she started dating at 13. She's now 39. She's been wanting him to be someone he's not all of this time. He's not romantic, he doesn't get her cards or gifts for any occasion, he has to be forced into going to his kid's recitals and such, he would rather hang out at home and drink beer all night. He's 45 years old. He NEVER grew up. She's been repeating the same complaints to him for all these years. He doesn't change any of it. I don't see the sense. I never did. I've been listening to his list of character flaws since we were 16.

Go and be who you want to be. Be with who you want to be with. Just be open, and honest and up front about it. :)
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Old 12-19-2010, 01:24 AM   #7 
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Good advice.
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Old 12-19-2010, 01:35 AM   #8 
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And I've never had a boyfriend (I stick to horses instead, they're 10x better).

But I get your point.

I have this friend who started dating our other friend, and she's changed so much since they started dating.

He teases me but then always comes back a little later to tell me that he's sorry and he really does like me.

Any time he does something nice for me, she gets mad.

I do like him like him (Kind of a little bit) because we have a lot in common (Like the same music, we both play guitar, we both sing, etc.) and we can talk for hours about one little thing, but I would NEVER steal someone else's boyfriend. I'm a freshman, I'm not planning on having a relationship anytime soon.

I know how high school relationships go (My brother's had his fair share of them, being the soccer star that he is) and frankly, I don't want to deal with it.

I got in a fight with one of my best friends a few months ago. He was doing drugs and couldn't give me a reason until two days ago. He finally stopped smoking, and I'm the only one who knows the reason why he started, and until he tells everyone, it's a secret. But the break from our relationship has made our friendship stronger, and it fixed itself in five minutes.

So you may just be going through that with your ex. Maybe the break from your relationship has made things different.

My cousin went through the same thing you're going through. She was dating a boy younger than her, and while she did like him, he was too immature for her, and she's currently in a long-distance relationship from Russia (Spending her senior year of college there) with a guy who she's known since she started high school. I don't like him that much, but hey, it's up to her.

So honestly, as corny as it sounds, follow your heart. Try not to pick everything apart, but if your current relationship no longer feels right, you'd be better off to break it off, regardless of whether it's for your ex or not.

And girls will be girls, and girls will flirt. I'm so used to hanging out with boys that I really don't (My best friends except for two are boys), but hey, it happens. Guys blame stuff on their hormones, girls can too.
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Old 12-19-2010, 09:13 AM   #9 
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well your not on your own with this anyways... im pretty much in the same situation lol.

i've been with my bf since 2 years. i can say i really love him, but we have had serious problems along the way like lying to eachother and trust issues. last year i randomly met a friend of a friend. turns out he's a cool guy, totally sweet, we're into the same films, he plays guitar and i sing and we make music together etc. he says he's mad about me and thinks im an amazing girl. we seem to be a potentially good match but i just cant break up with my current partner because i really love him.
but im not always happy with him... he's 33 and im 22. so his priorities and life are far different than mine. BUT he's still immature at the same time... while the guy i met is 3 years older than me which would suit better.

question is do you trust the feeling of love for someone or do you trust your own head that you need something different to make you happy.... ok, if we knew the answer then the world would be totally different LOL.

there's brilliant advice in this thread from the girls above!
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Old 12-19-2010, 11:20 AM   #10 
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Please excuse me in advance if what I say seems condescending, it's not meant to be.

You are very young, and at this stage in your life relationships are all about finding out what (in another person) is important to you... what you like and don't, what you MUST have in a relationship and what you can't tolerate. AND... about finding out YOUR needs and limits. This will take time and exposure to several different realtionships so you can figure that at this point in your life, it's all practice and nothing is permanent. With that in mind, follow your heart, explore what appeals to you don't worry too much about 'doing the wrong thing'- half of what passes for wisdom is just the result of having gone down a dead end and learned to recognize them in the future- we all do it! Live and learn.

WHAT DOES NOT KILL ME MAKES ME STRONGER Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher (1844 - 1900)
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