AND im kinda addicted to face book status shuffle heres some that made me LOL
*Life's not about getting to the grave in perfect condition its about sliding in sideways with dirt on your knees,cuts on your hands and screaming "WHAT A RIDE!"
*I may seem like a sweet girl, but in my head I've murdered you, chopped you into 300 bits after drowning you in acid and ripping out your hair at least 7 times.
*have you ever wanted to staple someones head to a desk then put a sticky note on them saying I'm Stuck
*We'll be friends until we're old and senile. Then, we'll be new friends.
*Love me or hate me, both are in my favor..If you love me, I'll always be in your heart..If you hate me, I'll always be in your mind ~Shakespeare~
*A man was carrying 4 babies in a train, Cute babies you have got, are these yours?" No , I work in a condom factory,these are 'CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS'
*Driving down the road I saw a person hitch hiking, the sign read "Heaven Bound". Me being the good person I am, I hit that person, I hope they made it!
* Welcomes you to my profile. Straight jackets are by the wall, meds are in the boxes. Enjoy your stay, and please visit again!
*Thought I'd take up cage fighting to get rid of all my frustrations. Just had my first fight and won... damn budgie never knew what hit it
*remember, if the officer asks "you drinking?", never respond with "you buying?"
*a friend will calm u down when your angry, but a best friend will skip beside u with a baseball bat singing "someones gonna get it"
*"Shh! We're hiding. Be quiet everyone. That includes me. Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again.." -Madagascar
*There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, "Don't worry, I don't eat paper."
*For your information, I was testing the gravity. I am too graceful to trip.
*1. Go to Google maps. 2. Go to 35 Sampsonia Way, Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. 3. Click street view. 4. Turn the view around. -THIS IS ACTUALLY something to look at
* Got pulled over by cops when I went to the shop a minute ago. I had a VB label on my forehead so the cop asked if I'd been drinking. I said,"No, I'm on patches"
*customer calls and asks "are you open today?" nope i just like answering the phone on my day off
*50% of girls would cry if Justin Bieber jumped of a cliff. 49.8% would jump if with her. I am part of the 0.2% that would scream 'DO A FLIP!"