ok so today is febuary 19th 2011 and it is 7:01am. seven years ago my mother died of lung cancer, this time seven years ago, it was a thursday. at 6:15am i climbed out of bed and wandered through the house that was full of sleeping people. there was my family, dad two brothers a sister, my aunty and uncle on dads side, my aunty and uncle on my mums side, my mum was in a hospital bed in the loungeroom.I was 17 days away from turning 16. the previous nights dinner was a big bbq of sea food or something battered i cant remember but i walked to the out side door, wearing my jeans and riding top, my socks in hand. i stopped to say good morning to my aunty who was sitting by my mums bed, she had a person at her side round the clock, i kissed mums cheek and tiptoed to the door, i slid it open and a dog was standing on the table i cussed innocently at the dog, head in the still sitting there beer batter bowl and scoled who i thought was Chilly my uncles dog, upon hearing her name chilly come out of the lounge room and i double taked and realised it was the neighbours dog Two.
I saddled the horse and roped the dog and lead them both about a 1 km (0.6 mile) to the neighbours place and tied the dog up and left her water till someone got up.
I swung aboard my gelding and rode back to the gate.
got off opened the gate and led him through closed it and mounted.
I gave him his head and nudged his sides. About half way up the hill i felt a sudden lifting off my body i cant explain it but i just knew. i urged the horse on and he in his very old age responded as if he were a colt again. we literally slid to a halt in the stables and i swung off and saw y sister running towards me the look on her face told me i was right in my conclusion of lifting spirit tht my mother had passed, i busied myself in tending to the horse she said "We lost her, we lost mum" i nodded and said "I already know" she asked how i said i just did.
I entered the house tuning out everyone and went on as if she wasnt dead three feet through the wall, i showered dressed gathered my books and lunch and caught the bus to school. I spent the day in a haze surrounded by my friends and something in the way of Normal.
AT least twice a year i write a poem of some kind, 19th feb and 23rd septemper (her bday)
My fish Cinder is named for my mum seeing as i got them three days ago and cinder is a plum purple (mums name was Cindy and her favourite colour was purple)
here is todays poem:
Seven years have passed us by,
And yet the pain remains,
Our hearts still ache with searing pain,
our eyes still draw a tear.
To us you were so special,
What more is there to say,
The pain is still within our hearts,
As we think of you each day.
Every time I hear the rush of wind,
Or a whisper in my ear,
I know it’s just you watching over me,
From very far above.
Some days I wish a single wish,
One I know can never come true,
For just one moment I wish,
Heaven had a phone.
To hear your voice just one more time,
Is all that I want,
I know it is impossible,
But it’s my only wish.
I miss you now as I miss you then,
For many more years I will,
The loss is hard, a burden my life shall wear,
My teacher,
my mother,
my friend.
Rest in peace.
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