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Old 06-05-2011, 04:48 PM   #1 
dukie1346
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A Poem That I Wrote

What do you guys think of my poem? I wrote it, because I just really wanted to write about what's been going on in my mind and what I've been feeling lately. Sorry I haven't posted lately, I've been busy with school and everything. Now that it's summer, I'll be posting more, probably.

Breaking the skin,
Cutting in deep.
When you wake up,
Before you go to sleep.

That one little scratch,
Soon turns into two.
Instead of a couple,
Soon thereíll be a few.

In front of others,
Youíre as happy as can be.
Yet when youíre alone,
Joy turns into plain misery.

Sitting there crying,
Through the pain and the sorrow.
Asking yourself,
Will it be better tomorrow?

You feel like no one will care,
So you keep it a secret.
You think you can handle it all,
Maybe you yourself will forget.

But you canít help but glance,
Towards the cuts on your wrist.
The guilt builds inside,
As you clench your fist.

Why you exactly feel this way,
Only you know.
Why you like how it feels,
To see the blood flow.

The darkness it overtakes
All sources of light.
Seems like day never comes,
Feels like everlasting night.

Yet during this night,
There are no stars to guide you.
You feel blind as youíre walking,
You try to figure out what to do.

You discover your friends,
And you try to be brave.
To tell them whatís been going on,
You want to be saved.

You find that physical touch,

Means a lot more than before.
And that after youíre hugged,
You want to be hugged more.

You donít think your friends know,
Or you donít think they believe.
Just how much you love them,
You never want them to leave.

You feel weak yet still strong,
With every tear shed.
You think over the things,
All that youíve just said.

Youíll never give up,
Even though it may be rough.
The sadness you feel,
Will never be enough.

You love life too much,
Deep down inside.
It would be all gone,
If you decided to die.
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Old 06-05-2011, 07:56 PM   #2 
kathstew
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:(
If you feel this way in real life you really need to talk to somebody you trust. These feelings aren't safe if you leave them bottled up inside.
Edit: Its a very good poem though. You can clearly feel the emotion. It has good vocabulary, and good rhythm. Try reading it out loud to make sure the rhyming scheme is right, because sometimes it will look good on paper, but once said out loud you realize the syllables of each line aren't right.
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Old 06-05-2011, 08:11 PM   #3 
dramaqueen
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I agree with Kathstew. If you ARE feeling that way, please talk to someone you trust, a minister/clergyman, school counselor or even a teacher you trust. It's important to let these feelings out. Don't keep them inside.
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Old 06-05-2011, 08:23 PM   #4 
dukie1346
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I told my 2 of my closest friends recently...thanks for the feedback, though!
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Old 06-06-2011, 07:50 AM   #5 
Romad
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Dukie this breaks my heart. Everyone feels down and overwhelmed at times but don't think that this is a way of life - it's just a stage and you can overcome it.

There are people who love and care about you. Confide in them and let them help you through this.
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