It's love. My grandparents still hold hands after 35+ years of marriage. I will work for a relationship like theirs. With ups and downs, but willing to work it out, together. It's not supposed to be easy. But he enriches my life, and I appreciate him. Love seriously is a great thing when you find it.
I refuse to go down that path of darkness and wallow in my own self pity over something I can't really control. I used to do so and ended up in a ever tightening spiral of "I'm going to be alone forever." and "I'll never find my soul mate." till I hated myself and thought myself unlovable, either for my physical appearance, or my personality. So much so, that I wanted to end it all.
I am now working on loving myself and keeping my mood above those spiraling things. I absolutely refuse to be that person again. Its not a pretty thing to be. Now I am living under the mantra, "I don't need the love of another person to be happy." and its been a much happier existence.
Jen, yeah, my parents are celebrating a milestone anniversary this year (well, celebrated already actually). Can't remember if it's 35 or 40 years. And this with my mom having multiple health problems because of a lifetime of type 1 diabetes.
I don't need the love of another person but if I find it, I'm keepin' it. :) Hey, I could write a country song!