I read your story and liked it very much, however Hd4life DID offer a compliment along with some constructive criticism, which is what you asked for. Don't ask for other's opinions if all you want to hear is praise but no advice. Great stories by the way though :).
Yes! It happened, a little girl (about the age of 11) opened the box!
"Mommy, look! They have Marble Butterfly Bettas!" she said with thrill in her voice.
"Oh my...we do have 5 Bettas...but you don't see this every day! But there's so many. Honey, you can only pick 1." said her mother. I was scared, no hope in me. I was in the middle of the stack "The Person" put us in when we got here.
"I know which one!" said the girl. And she grabbed one of my brothers. He was red and blue marble and I think he had some sort of flower looking thing on his fin. But then, she grabbed my sister, the bossy one.
"My, she's a beauty! I think you should get her, honey." said her mom. And after that, I sank. When she opened the box I had 90% of hope in her. When she said "only 1 Betta" I went to 75%. When she grabbed my brother, I had 40% hope. And now, since she grabbed my beautiful sister (who was dancing to the girl) I knew I had a 5% chance. But then she put my brother back! She still had my sister, so I knew it was over. But then she grabbed my container!
"Mom! I just have to get him! But I so want her. I have 2 2.5 gallon tank for both of them! I'll put them in my room together...well side by side. Please mom?!" the girl begged. I was relieved! I now had a 99.9% hope. But her mom had to say yes.
"Oh, alright then. But make sure they don't kill each other! That would be tragic!" her mom said with a laugh.
"But its gonna happen," said my sister to me.
With that, we got home and I was put into my 2.5 gal tank beside my sister. She fed us some bloodworms (which were heaven!) and some pellets that we both gobbled up. I was really hoping she would feed us more. And she gave my sister and extra pellet and me a bloodworm! Boy was I happy, I did a little dance for her, and she giggled. We both had heaters, it was so nice, so warm!
"What are going to name your new Betta's, Emily?" her mother asked. Well, now I know her name is Emily!
"The female's name is Hope. Because they had no hope to be rescued. And my male is...hmm...Alexander, Alex for short." she replied.
"That's nice, hon. But we have to go to Mrs. Hill's house for tea...remember?"
"Yes, momma, I remember I'll get ready in a few minutes." she yelled.
"Mrs. Hill loves horses. when you go to her house you see why!" she whispered to me and Hope. And with that, Emily went. But then, another girl (probably 14) scooped Hope up and put her into my tank! Then she ran away with a snicker. A nipped at her flared at her hit her. She hid. Then, Emily came back...and Hope was dead. She saw that I had done it.
"ALEX! I NEVER THOUGH I HAD TO DO THIS BUT....." and she said something I didn't understand. She put me in Hope's tank and screamed to her mother something but all I heard was "kill" "hope" "Alex" "stupid" "dead!". So I think I know what Emily want to do with me...kill me. But why? It's not me fault! And with that, Emily ran out of the room weeping and sobbing. Then, I saw Hope wink her eye at my and laughed.
"I told you so..." she whispered.
I was swimming back and forth. Thinking on how Emily would kill me. Overdose? Overfeed? Put a stronger Betta in with me? Then Emily came into the room, Hope still uh...dead. She was pounding on my tank. I knew she was doing it to make me feel sick. It hurt, bad....I wish she would stop so I flared at her.
"STUPID FISH!" she yelled. Then dumped the whole container in my tank. Yep, she wanted me to die of ammonia and over feeding. I slowly went under a mini ship ornament with hiding places. Then Hope jumped in my tank and took a nimble of the BettaMin (the flakes Emily dumped in my tank).
"So...how's it going?" Hope asked me.
"HOW'S IT GOING?!?!? I'M GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF YOU!!!! AND YOU SAY HOW'S IT GOING?!?!!" I nipped at her fins more she almost didn't have any.
"Jerk. As a matter of fact...a DEAD jerk." Then she jumped back into her tank...belly up. In about then minutes...Emily came in did some of her homework, then fainted.
Emily had a stroke. Shes pretty good now...but still bad. Emily's laying in her bed eating oatmeal and watching cartoons. Then her mom came in.
"Are you still going to kill Alex? Please don't do such a silly thing like that..."
"MOTHER. Of course I'm going to still kill him! He killed Hope! I will do it when I get better....in 2 weeks."
It was two weeks. I was swimming back and forth...wondering if she would take me out of water and watch me die on her table.
"Dead jerk...dead jerk..." Hope sung to me through the glass. She was doing loopdeloops and dances and swimming like she got into het dream college or something. Then, Emily came in...and stopped dead in her tracks.