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Old 07-16-2011, 09:56 PM   #21 
Johnificent
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Woah... I posted the comment right whEn you posted the new chapters X)
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:08 PM   #22 
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Lol
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Old 07-16-2011, 11:26 PM   #23 
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I like your story just fine, your not a bad story teller in the least, you just need to work on your style a bit. Like if I were writing it, I would probably have the fish only understand things a fish would understand...a bit like wild fang or the call of the wild if you get my drift...but then its not my story its yours and that's what makes it unique and enjoyable, its your own style, just don't be afraid to work hard and polish it up really good...like when drawing a picture you go through and erase all the unneeded lines, in your story you go through and smooth out the descriptions and events so that they run together and create something beautiful...

Try thinking about what you want your story to do...are you trying to entertain or educate and if your trying to do both find away to make it fit together smoothly...

Sorry I got so wordy, but I think you get the idea...
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Old 07-17-2011, 02:45 PM   #24 
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I can't wait!! WRITE MORE!!! Lol cliffhanger
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Old 07-17-2011, 03:18 PM   #25 
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Okay I will in 5 minutes....on one condition....YOU HAVE TO WRITE MORE ON YOUR BOOK! Lol
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Old 07-17-2011, 03:58 PM   #26 
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Chapter 7.

"What?!? I thought you were dead...whaat? I must be dreaming..." Emily said then sat on her bed quietly.
"Busted..." I whispered. Hope was going to get it this time! She swam back and forth...she knew it was over. Emily watched her then took her small container she came in, and put her in there.
"I don't want a crazy,killer fish like you! I'm selling you on AquaBid...for free!" Emily said with disgust. She then walked away.
"Help me..." Hope mouthed.
"Oh my god! Precious Hope didn't get her wish...SEE YA SISTER!" I said in a girly voice. I was so happy Hope was going! No more worries or chaos!
"This is the life...no worries....no drama...no Hope!" I said. It was perfect...too perfect...



Chapter 8.

I had a roommate. He was a snail.
"Hi! How ya doing? Beautiful day isn't it? What's your name? I'm a snail! My name is Shell. My girlfriend's name is Shellby! Wanna hear a song? It's by Justin Bieber!" the snail asked...very fast.
"Um no-"
"Great! It goes like this....Baby baby baby ooh! Baby baby ooooh! Baby baby baby ooh! Baby....How does the next part go again? Anyway..I'm Shell...and you?" Shell asked.
"My name is Alexander, Alex for short." I replied. And I told him my story with Hope.
"Wow..." he said. And actually, we got to be pretty good friends. Then in about 3 weeks something weird happened...I was put in a 10 gal tank and was separated from Shell. I kept flaring and hitting the sides of the tank. The tank was quite pretty. Real plants, hiding places, and more! Then in a 1/2 a gallon tank beside my 10 gallon, I saw the prettiest girl I've ever seen. She was green and purple. Splotches were green, splotches were purple, she was my age, my size and my kinda style! When she swam her whole body shimmered, and sometimes she sparkled.
"H-h-h-h-h-i...my name is Alex." I said shyly.
"Hello...my name is Felicity." she said shyly...too. Felicity makes up for Hope and being separated from Shell, and Emily. I loved her.
It has been about 2 weeks and she got put into my tank! I made a bubble nest for her. Then Felicity was resting in one of our hiding places and I came to her.
"Hi Alex..." she asked confused. Then, I kissed her! She seemed shocked then seemed happy. And we took a long walk around the tank. I found my happy ending....and so did she.




Afterwords
Alex & Felicity had a spawn of 10 babies. Emily kept 2 of the babies and Alex & Felicity lived together after the spawn. Hope was bought by a family with 6 kids, 3 dogs, 4 cats, 8 birds, and 16 rats. It didn't go well.
After 5 years, Emily was 16 and Alex & Felicity died. They were buried together in their back yard and Emily and her mother put 2 red roses on their grave. And Shell and Shellby were buried next to them.
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Old 07-17-2011, 04:05 PM   #27 
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OMGGGGGGG I LUV IT!!! (I wrote more on my book, not long, but will write more tonight anyway)
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Old 07-17-2011, 04:18 PM   #28 
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Okay I'll read it! I'm gonna write a second second book where Emily goes to college...and some awesome things happen.
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Old 07-18-2011, 03:20 PM   #29 
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Great story! I'm lookin forward to your next book X)
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Old 07-18-2011, 04:00 PM   #30 
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Write more please suggestion: make it about Alex's and felicity's kids
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