I had a beautiful blue betta named Barnabas. He was my only friend for a long time. My friend gave him to me when I moved. I loved him so much. I would tell him everything, I kept his tank incredibly clean, I played with him and loved to watch him. I even brought him to California with me when I went for a visit for a week. How many bettas can say they had been on a motorcycle? Barnabas was my whole world. Last night, he jumped out of his tank and landed on the carpet. I put him back and waited. Hoping, crying, begging him to come back. And he did thankfully. I watched him carefully, I read him a story, played some of his favourite songs and told him how much I loved him. He wasn't doing too well but I thought he was going to pull through. I woke up this morning to find the light had gone out in his eyes, my lively, beautiful Barnabas wasn't there anymore. In his place was a sad, motionless doppelgänger. I kept waiting for him to wake up, he couldn't be dead, not my precious Barnabas! I moved him from his small "hospital" tank to his regular one and waited. 'Wake up, please wake up.' I guess you can only ask for one miracle. I searched online for alternatives to flushing. I couldn't do that to my Barnabas. I couldn't bury him either and run the risk of something digging him up and what about when I move. Here he would be, all alone. So cremation it is. I called a crematorium and arranged to have him picked up. I lay in bed for almost 2 hours holding onto his fish tank with him inside. When the doorbell rang I wish I could've said, "false alarm, he's fine." but he wasn't. The man carefully took him out of the tank and left. It's been 8 hours since I found my sweet little fishy and I haven't been able to stop crying or get out of bed. I never knew a person could cry this much. I miss him so much. I miss his little bubbles, I miss looking into his face each morning, I miss seeing him, I miss knowing he's right beside me. I can't talk to my friends or family because they wouldn't understand. He was more than just a fish, he was my best friend. I feel so guilty, I keep thinking there was more I could have done but didn't, I should have found him sooner, I never should have left the room for so long, I promised him a bigger tank with lots of plants and a castle but never made it to the pet store and now it's too late. I love and miss you Barnabas, I'll never forget you.