It's the end of the semester. And I'm just so done. My students are driving me up a wall, certain professors are stressing me out to no end, and I'm just tired.
A lot of my students are just never happy. On the one hand, I have the crew complaining that I'm overbearing and send too many e-mails about assignments. But I send out frequent reminders and students still don't get things in on time and force me to give 0's. E-mails take time. I would love to invest the time I spend trying to keep lines of communication between me and my students open in something else. But when there are still assignments missing, I feel like the right thing to do is send out that last reminder in hopes that at least one more student will submit something.
But on the other hand, I have students who are constantly asking for more. It's not enough that I end all e-mails with an invitation to e-mail me with questions are concerns regarding the course. They want in person review sessions for the final. Except this is an online class. I don't have an office on campus. And even if I did, I have 60 students and if I offer it to one, I'd have to extend the offer to them all. Even if I had an office, I couldn't accommodate a review session for all of them. When a student asks me about the study guide and I tell them where they can find the information they need, I still get complaints that I'm not doing enough.
I have students e-mailing me drafts of assignments and then, after I send back the draft with all my corrections, I get a response reading "Well... What would my grade be if I didn't make any of those changes?" If you don't want to make the effort to improve your work, why bother wasting my time asking for feedback?
It's just the most frustrating thing. There is literally nothing I can do to make them happy.
Meanwhile, the professor I'm working on this class with took on a research assistant for a digital database project he's working on this semester. I was drafted to help, because the work wasn't getting done. I don't do coding. I hate it. I'm not good at it. I'm not qualified for this project. But somehow I was assigned to be this other student's glorified babysitter. Five days before the deadline, I sent my professor an e-mail saying that this other student wasn't working on the project. I get "It's fine, don't worry. It's fine."
Thursday, the night before it was supposed to be presented at a conference, I get an panicked e-mail from said professor about how nothing's been done. So I was up until around 1:00 am working on it. Was the student who was supposed to be doing the project doing anything? Nope! So it didn't get done. I did what I could so it would look more complete at the conference, and left it at that. Last night, I get an e-mail from this other person "Well, we missed our deadline." What? No. He was the research assistant. He was the one presenting at the conference. I was there to provide some support, but this was not my project and not my deadline. I put up more than half of the pages that were done in time for the conference. I stayed up the night before trying to salvage the situation. Don't assign me any of the blame for this.
Meanwhile, my thesis advisor is suddenly looking for my attention. While I was writing the paper, she barely spoke to me. She was never the one to reach out, I had to send multiple e-mails to get her to acknowledge me, and when we did have meetings she was always late. But now that the paper's done, she's suddenly taking an interest in me? It's stupid, but this is also majorly stressing me out, because I just don't know what to do with this. I don't trust her. We didn't have a great relationship. I just don't know what she wants from me now. Is it an ego thing, because I won awards for my thesis? Or maybe she genuinely does care, and I'm just misreading awkwardness as insincerity? I just have no clue what her intentions are and it's making me very nervous.
And the complaining students, research assistant's missed deadline, and now my thesis advisor's weird desire to have some kind of relationship is all just feeding my anxiety about professors in general. I don't work well with professors. I had a really bad experience with one, and now I have a really hard time trusting them. Even professors I really, really do like, I waver on. Like if an e-mail goes unanswered, I'll get really insecure, wonder if I did something to make them angry, and feel like they've turned on me and lost interest. I constantly feel like I have to be perfect, and the moment I struggle with something, and I'm suddenly less than the model student every professor wants to have, the professors I've worked with and developed relationships with are going to lose interest, drop me, and move on to something better. Hence staying up trying to salvage another student's project.
Even the professor who was the second reader for my thesis makes me uneasy sometimes. I adore her. She's been great, she actually makes the effort to reach out to me when she hears about things that she thinks might interest me, she came to see me present my thesis, and she's one of the very few professors who I would say that I do trust most of the time. But I sent her an e-mail a while ago, and now I'm waiting for a reply. And the silence from her is terrifying me, and I can't stop myself from going over our communications, wondering if I said something wrong and managed to make her hate me.
So now these different situations are just bringing all these anxieties front and center and I feel like I'm going insane.